A Big Dash of This, A Little Dash of That

The Job
It's been another hectic week. Well maybe hectic isn't the best word. I've just been buried at work and trying to get a project done that was first conceived about 4 years ago when I started the job and got serious about a year ago when we finally got the graphic treatment going for it. It's a time line and it starts back to CBE times. Thinks it's easy? Nope. Not when you're trying to get as accurate information as possible and pictures too. And remember we're talking CBE times all the way to the present. Oh and after you've finally knuckled down and gathered all that info, it has to be typed up in a format for the graphic artist. And when that's done you have to read it all, word for word, date for date looking for editorial mistakes. You try to cover about 2,000 years and see if you don't miss a comma or two. So when that's done, you get other eyes on it and they find all kinds of things and ask all kinds of questions. Again, we're trying to make this the best time line out there. There are a lot out there but they are really repetitive and it's clear most people are taking from each other. We were no exception, but the other time lines were just a starting point. I went to the library to add to it. Got intern help to study some things and work in more complete thoughts. And now our new editorial assistant is helping me to find answers to the plethora of questions that rose during the last round of proofing. I am literally 1 unanswered question, 1 addition of a link, 1 addition of a photo, and 2 unanswered questions of my own away from completing this thing and doing the proof that will find all the books titles that need formatting and all the weird character codings or lack of punctuation. That won't be quick either but at least the study of history will be over for now - at least until the public gets a hold of it and starts sending us emails about what they think is wrong or missing. When you work for a company that has a membership base, it's hard not to get a little resentful sometimes at people's comments about how we do things. We think the public must see us as some mighty corporate machine. But if they only knew all the little gerbils on the wheels keeping that mighty thing going. We do A LOT and we care A LOT too but I think only those of us behind the scenes know that. Oh well. I still love my job.

The Book
I have been one page and one more bio away from finishing this proposal. Every day I hope to get it done and every day I'm too tired from work to do it. I come home and do some things for Village Works - not as much as I need to though - and check a zillion emails because of the various groups I am in, trying to quickly delete the unnecessary stuff and the stuff I can always see some other time. I am seriously considering adding an auto message to let folk know I get their email. They just need to give me a moment to respond. I WILL finish the proposal. Maybe today? Well, today I have a meeting to go to with a potential customer. Then a workshop with one of my networking groups. I WILL get it done. Maybe tomorrow?

The Inauguration
I still haven't posted my thoughts about that and I do have a few. The post is started. I'll get it done. But in the meanwhile, I do want to tell you I bought the photo book "Yes We Can" by Scout Tufankjian. Knowing that this photojournalist followed Barack Obama for nearly two years before she knew how great he would be makes this book all the more dynamic. The faces. The tears. I was moved by the election. So-so about the inauguration. This book gave me another perspective and it was powerful. I got it for about $17 on Amazon. It's worth adding this to your cache of Obama memorabilia.

The Son
It's about report card time around here. Son's teacher sent home a sheet that would allow us to sign up for a time to meet but she checked off the box that said there were no issues with Son and she didn't need to see us. Cool. Until we got the actual progress report:

Writing - Should work on elaboration and stronger endings. Focus on developing heart of story.
Science - Good test score. Project not on topic.
Penmanship - Work on connections.
Other - Appears to be uncertain when given direction for assignments or on instruction.

In order to improve he needs to revise and edit work; improve the quality of work; listen attentively; and follow directions.

Was I supposed to NOT be concerned about this? Son had reasons why he didn't understand some things. They each get 1 on 1 time with a teacher who focuses on reading. So he misses class. The project? I must have missed something too when he did it. I know I am always frustrated at home by how much Son doesn't seem to get when he's doing homework and how much work it is to pull things out of him that I know he knows or he would know if he just stopped to think for a minute. Seems she was having that same issue at school. So it's not me being too demanding. Good.

I know what I am always telling Son. She needed to hear his thoughts and we needed to be sure she and I were in agreement about her expectations. We needed to meet. Mr. T and I agreed he was on his DS way too much and it was messing up his ability to concentrate and his teacher said she noticed that as well in this generation of kids. Of course Son didn't agree with any of that but his time got drastically cut during the school nights anyway. He asked for Brain Age and had the money for it so I bought it and he's on that DS playing now. We're going to re-do that project, even if he gets no credit. He asked to be in Little League and I signed him up because he insisted he wanted to do and I can't pass up a chance to get him outside running around of his own free will. I added some extra handwriting work after he's done with his homework and the school has a study website to help them get ready for the testing that's coming up for them soon. He'll be OK.

Well, I can say more but I won't right now. Time to get dressed and ready to go. I have 3 more posts to work on and you can all expect to see those soon. Otherwise this thing would get crazy long, longer than even I do and you know I write tomes on here.

But before you go:
Have you voted for us today in the Start Up Nation Leading Moms in Business 2009 Competition? Check it out here. We'd REALLY appreciate it if you vote and you can do it every day until March 31, 2009 PT. There's even a new meter there now to show you how hot we are! Go ahead. Vote! We wanna be hot, hot, hot! Thanks for your support!

Do You Need to Stick It Out?

Every now and again, I like to share with you the words of one of my favorite life coaches, Valerie Burton. This one is about perseverance and I love it because it confirms for me that sticking with my business makes sense. It also reconfirms that as annoying as marriage can be sometimes, I do have the ability to revel in the things I love about my husband and leave the stupid stuff to God to work out.

So in the words of Valerie:

One of the greatest lessons I've learned is the power of perseverance. And it's the message I'd like to share with you this week.

"In the confrontation between the river and the rock, the river always wins," says a quote I recently read. "Not through strength but through perseverance."

Achieving your vision may not happen in the time frame you'd prefer, but if you prayerfully plan your work and work your plan, you will triumph. Like the rushing water that wears down the rock over time, perseverance is your key to success. Perseverance is a manifestation of faith, and "the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen." Perseverance is fueled by your faith and belief that your vision will eventually come to pass.

January is a time when I receive more questions than usual about how to make changes in one's life. "Why are most people unable to make lasting changes?," a reporter asked me recently. I think it is because most people expect quick results, and when they don't see them, they give up. It is easy for us to give up when we are not clear and specific about the vision, and do not have a compelling reason for achieving it. For example, let's say your goal is to "lose weight," and your reason is so that you can fit into the jeans you wore in college. The goal is unspecific and the reason simply may not be compelling enough. What might be more compelling? You might say instead, "I want to lose 25 pounds over the next six months so that I no longer feel self-conscious about how I look, which keeps me from being confident in my everyday interactions." Perhaps your vision is to take your business or career to the next level and double or triple your income. It's an exciting goal, but without a compelling purpose, even money will not give you the fuel to persevere to the finish line. To persevere, you need to be driven by a purpose and the values that matter most to you. For example, you might say, "I want to double or triple my income so that I can accumulate money that will lead to financial freedom. With financial freedom, I'll have the flexibility to spend more time with the people who matter most to me, and experience things I've dreamed of my entire life." A compelling purpose will give you the energy to persevere in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

In what area of your life do you need to make a decision to persevere? Perhaps it is in your marriage or with a child who is testing your limits. Perhaps you need to persevere as you pay off the debt that feels like it will never be eliminated. Maybe it is an area of your work, health or spiritual life. If you really want to reach your vision, you can. Trust God, keep making progress, and be patient. Your success will come.

When you feel discouraged, remember these three principles for achieving lasting change:

1. BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR VISION.
You must know where you are going. "Write the vision and make it plain ..." Habakkuk 2:2 advises. Be specific about what you want. Pray about it, then meditate and listen for direction about your vision in your spirit. Always follow your intuition. It is a divine compass - a gift from God to help you clarify your decisions.

2. HAVE A COMPELLING PURPOSE FOR ACHIEVING YOUR VISION.
It is essential to have pure motives for achieving your vision. Know why you want what you want - and be sure that the purpose is aligned with what truly matters to you. Don't spend your life trying to achieve a vision that is not completely your own. Meeting everyone else's expectations without meeting your own will drain your energy, leaving you empty. You need energy to persevere and energy is derived from passion and purpose. If you're not passionate and purposeful, you need to adjust your vision so that it is aligned with your passion and purpose in life.

3. PERSEVERE UNTIL THE VISION IS FULLY REALIZED.
Lastly, and most importantly, keep moving forward! "Never, never, never give up," Winston Churchill famously said in a 1941 speech. Sounds simple, but it works. If you stick with it long enough, the vision will come to fruition. You will make mistakes along the way, so learn from them. You will not do it perfectly, so give yourself permission to be human. But when you leave yourself with no other option but success, you will likely achieve it. Giving birth can be painful, but as mothers everywhere will attest, the temporary pain is worth the precious gift. Giving birth to your vision is the same way.

Whatever you are attempting to create in your life right now, plan your work, then work your plan until you get what you are expecting.

I have found that the greatest benefit of persevering is the person you become in the process. You learn lessons you would not otherwise have learned. You develop higher levels of faith and discipline. And you experience a higher level of satisfaction when you finally accomplish the vision. The process of perseverance isn't always pleasant, but it is often necessary to fulfill your potential and enjoy the richest rewards life has to offer.

Keeping Up With Obama

I've got another post going about this inauguration stuff but I'm not done with it yet. First, I don't know about you, but I will be following our new president with great interest. Agree with him or not, I believe, thus far, that he is going to do the very best he thinks he should do. So I'll give that a try and wait to see how things work out.

If you want to follow him too, here are some options!

1 - Did you know he's on Twitter? Of course he may not be tweeting himself anymore - maybe he never was - but if you are on Twitter and want to follow, he is here: http://twitter.com/barackobama.

2 - Just saw there was a radio address from him and plans for a weekly one. Here's the first: http://www.whitehouse.gov/. FYI, there's a blog there too.

3 - Need all Obama, all the time? Well, others do too. This is one thing I found out there from newsbusters.org:

Do you need Obama coverage 24 hours a day? In several markets, Comcast cable is launching an all-Obama, On Demand channel. (In D.C., it's channel 963).

My guess is your local cable/satellite might have something like that too.

4 - Want to have your say in what Obama should focus on in the White House? Change.gov is where you can find the minutes from meetings Obama had during the transition and now you can voice your opinion about what he should do next. http://citizensbriefingbook.change.gov/.

There's more. I'll find it. Don't you worry. It's just a little something to get you started. Enjoy!

Have you voted for us today in the Start Up Nation Leading Moms in Business 2009 Competition? Check it out here. We'd REALLY appreciate it if you vote and you can do it every day until March 31, 2009 PT. There's even a new meter there now to show you how hot we are! Go ahead. Vote! We wanna be hot, hot, hot! Thanks for your support!

From the Shirts of Babes

My nephew says it all:



Happy Inauguration Day!

Change of Plans & A Few Words from Susan Taylor

It's a major weekend this weekend. A turn in the road kind of day, today. Today there was a brunch in Philadelphia celebrating 20 years since I graduated from high school. My friends from the Philadelphia High School for Girls, b.k.a Girls' High, are coming out of the woodwork on Facebook and it's great seeing them virtually if not in person right now. They look great and since I was always the youngest in any class I was in (December babies usually are), we're talking about 38- and 39-year-old women here. I'm sure there was some talk about being so close to 40. I'm betting the cliques bonded again but that no one really felt left out since we were all in a more mature place in life. I wish I could have been there. But the plan was to be in D.C. for the next 3 days. The plans changed.

Instead, my friend and I mulled over the idea of being in potentially bone-chilling cold for hours before and during the event. We found out that food was not allowed to be brought in. Cameras can be but not camera bags. They are opening the Mall in anticiption of the crowds and if you've never been there, let's just say you do not want to be in the middle of there surrounded by hoards of people pressing around you and THEN need to go to the bathroom. Thankfully, my bladder knows how to behave and if I drink nothing in the morning, I'm cool for hours.

Then the questions became just how much would we be able to see? How long would the lines be in all the places we'd need to go or want to go? There was also my friend's father saying, "I wish you'd reconsider." He was worried about her safety. Neither she nor I are easily scared so that wouldn't have stopped us if this whole thing took place in, say, June. But the rest were factors we heavily weighed and when she hesitated the first time, I told her, it's OK. I don't mind NOT spending money. So she canceled the room. We're home to enjoy the whole thing from the best seat in the house - our homes.

But this is not only the week of President-Elect Obama's inauguration. Tomorrow is also the Dr. Martin Luther King holiday. I have NEVER been off for the holiday because no place I ever worked closes for that day. But I had taken off these 3 days to go to D.C. and decided to stay home Monday and Tuesday at least to take it all in without the disruption of the job. There is a program at my church tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. in celebration of Dr. King. It is sponsored by a local group and held at our church every year since our church is one of the largest here. The kids from Son's summer literacy program will recite the pledge they learned from the program, which means Son and I need be there. The keynote speaker is Susan L. Taylor, editor emerita of Essence magazine.

Earlier today, Bizzy Girl called me to tell me she got a free ticket to the meet and greet with Ms. Taylor that was taking place this evening. Could I go? Mr. T was out getting groceries but if he got home in time, heck yeah!

Why does Suan Taylor matter?
Susan Taylor's magazine is as old as I am so I grew up under the influence of this publication. I dared to dream about being a writer and even having my own magazine because of this woman's work. When people told me in college that I'd have to wear my hair straight for job interviews, I thought about Ms. Taylor and her ever present cornrows and I told them all, it's me as I am or it's nothing. After all, those people weren't going to be the ones doing my hair. (Yes, I've worn braids at every job I've had thus far.) One of my summer jobs in college was working as a cashier at a drug store in my neighborhood. When I was talking with some of the other employees about our dreams and goals, I mentioned wanting to write for Essence one day, or just being able to work there doing anything would be a great start, though I never relished the thought of being in New York. The white assistant manager of the drug store, Jerry Rice (yes, his real name. I don't care if I out him.) chuckled. "Essence? What's that?" I rolled my eyes at his naivete. Since he hadn't heard of the magazine it must not have been too big a deal right? Wrong, little man. Oh, how narrow your world must have been. It was a simple, dismissive statement, but thanks to him, I became even more resolute to do what I wanted to do.

So when I got the chance to meet Susan Taylor, I had to take it. Bizzy Girl and our other partner in the traditional greeting cards were going. We were going to give her one of our puzzles too. You never know where opportunity will strike so why not?

Ms. Taylor got up to speak and it was hard to catch everything she said. We did hear loud and clear that she was 62, turning 63 this week. You'd never guess it. She glowed.

I wanted to take it all in. The room was small and intimate and she had a mic but despite that, she spoke a little fast, not always clearly and we only caught snippets of what she said, but we got the whole message loud and clear. At this time of change in our country, here are some of the things she said:

"(Barack Obama) cannot save us. No one president can."

"Take care of you first."

"We have to embrace our own joy."

"Your responsibility is to you."

"It's a new day. Attend to your joy."

"We can get this right. It starts with us taking care of ourselves."

"Do what you have to do to keep moving forward."

"Hurt people hurt people." (Jerry Rice was most likely a hurt person.)

Afterward, we purchased her latest book and she signed them for each of us. "We have something for you," Bizzy Girl told her amidst all the chatter around us. "What's in that envelope she gave you," I pointed out, "we created it. That is what we do in our business." Ms. Taylor gave us an impressed look and hugged us for a picture. We waited until she was done hoping to get our own picture with her but she had already gone by the time we got back to her table. But it's OK. Bizzy Girl will see her tomorrow when she arrives at the church to speak. She'll have a private moment, more than likely and that's when she will see if she can mention us to her again.
We noticed before Ms. Taylor left that she'd only gotten a few things from the people in attendance so maybe the chance was high that she'd open the puzzle tonight. We had written messages to her on the back of the puzzle. One of them encouraged her to email us if she enjoyed the puzzles.

Wouldn't it be great if she did? If she does email a positive reaction, I will ask her if I can use it as a testimonial and add it into our marketing materials. Wouldn't it be great if she wanted some for herself and gave them out to her influential friends, including Oprah who decided it was one of her favorite things this year? Wouldn't it be great? This is the year of reaping, my friends. You just never know.

Know what else would also be great? If you voted for us in Start Up Nation Leading Moms in Business 2009 Competition. Check it out here. We'd REALLY appreciate it if you vote and you can do it every day until March 31, 2009 PT. Thanks for your support!

That's It. We NEED Help.

I'm sick of this. There is so much we need to do for our business and so much we want to do too. There are people to respond to and people to reconnect with and opportunities to look into as well as create. There are doors still cracked for us and I want to walk through!

We have been on that precipice far too long. Just because Bizzy Girl and I are full-time workers and mothers, does not mean we can't do this but we need help and we know it. We've always known it but help = time and time = money and money is something we can't dish out right now.

Although. Maybe.

If we think really hard.

And maybe if we get money back from taxes again. (I love having an accountant.)

There is ONE person we know who can do some of the job I am creating in my head. Not all of it, though. I'd like it all in one person. But still maybe we could come up with a figure and we would be somebody's project for the year and we'd pay a project fee.

Maybe.

Village Works is all about the village concept and it's necessary to call on other people sometimes, you know?

Well, this was just one part venting post and one part me writing things down in order to make it a reality.

So who is my dream personal assistant? Why let me tell you!

He or she is:

• local, first and foremost. I want to look in their eyes regularly.
• creative
• administrative
• professional
• eloquent in written and spoken word
• a good representative of us
• has clear understanding of what we do and want to do and who we are - the vision
• trustworthy
• organized
• fast
• independent
• either willing to work for experience/commission to start or sooooo affordable for us right now
• able to work just 1 hour per week for us at the very least. We don't have to be your all. We could be just one of the projects you work on.
• willing to sign a non-disclosure
  

This list is just the start. I may add to it but finding someone who has all this is my goal. Nope, not my dream. Forget that word for this. This has now become a goal.

NOTE: FYI. Have you voted for us yet? Check this out. We'd REALLY appreciate it if you do and you can do it every day until March 31, 2009 PT.

Support Village Works Enterprises LLC in the 2008 StartupNation Home-Based Business Competition

This is a contest we are in right now and voting is open through March. You can vote as much as you like but only once a day so if you're up for it, vote like crazy.

Now, we don't win anything tangible but it will give us bragging rights - though we aren't braggarts - and it will give us some publicity at the hands of some major players and that is worth it all.

My original thought was to keep this at the top of the blog, then I decided new people would see it, come back, and then maybe not realize I've stuck this here for now and think I haven't updated. So I'll just make sure each post from now until then links you back to this one! :-)

We thank you for your support!

Support Village Works Enterprises LLC in the 2008 StartupNation Home-Based Business Competition

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Dream Weaving

I love dreams. Not just the life-planning ones but the ones your mind entertains you with if you are lucky enough to fall into deep slumber. I don't really dream a lot so when I do, I pay attention to it because I believe they are always meaningful to you or someone if you take the time to work our their meaning. When someone else dreams about me, I take notice of of that too. My mind, as crazy as it is when I am awake, has been asleep on the job when it comes to dreaming but a friend recently emailed me a dream she had about me. (The one and only name in this has been changed because that's what I do here.):

Walking to wherever, I spotted you sitting and planting a small garden overflowing with colorful flowers under a big tree. We walked out to meet and greet each other and you showed me how Mr. T was planting grass (already very green and thick) in the yard. He was about to start paving the street, which had a big dip and breaks in the asphalt. He had his permits and equipment and was ready to start(and finish that day, apparently). You then gave me some light fixtures to donate to ??? -- and that was that.

I've been telling my prediction for 2009 and I may not have stated it clearly here yet but basically, 2009 is a year of reaping what we have sown. Could be good or otherwise but I think it's all working together for good if we let it. 2008 was a year of new beginnings/major changes and if nothing else, you've got to admit a black president is a whole new beginning/major change.

So if my friend's dream is meant for me, and I think it is, then I see some real reaping going on and I'm glad for it. I looked up the meaning of pavement and it has to do with setting goals. I laughed at reading this because my husband, at least when it comes to money, is a real planner. When he knows what he wants to do, he will make a detailed plan, although he sucks at sharing that plan. He likes to keep it close to the vest until time for action. But this dream has us all working together, as we should, and it just feels good to read that.

Now if this dream is meant for my friend, and I think it still is, then the message is to take this light of hope and blessings and pass it on. I know last year ended bleakly for many. We found out that the equity in our house was practically zapped. And I know this year is starting on the same bleak note but I for one can't help but feel good about last year - new president; new nephew; new and well-received products for our business. I guess because 8 is my favorite number, I don't see last year in a bad light at all. And this year just feels like all the things we've ever worked for will finally grow in a major way.

I've never experienced a job loss so I know I am speaking from a place of wishful thinking, but the opportunity for people to move into areas of passion to them is tremendous and I hope many people take advantage of that because I am POSITIVE God wants that for all of us. There is peace is pursuing the thing God created you to do and what is that, you ask? What do you love? What moves you? What gives you joy when you do it? Look there.

I know we live in a time of war, but the worldwide response to our new president should gives us all a sense of encouragement that we all want the same thing - peace and prosperity for all.

I know it seems like things fall apart, but for me, it helps push me toward my God and keeps my faith intact, and when the clouds are gathering and the storm is threatening, I can still thank God for growth that will come afterward.

No matter what your faith is, surely there are ways you keep yourself in a positive frame of mind. So tell me. Are you living the dream? Still dreaming? In a nightmare? Had a good, real dream that came true? The world wants to know!

My Desires for 2009

Emptying my head on virtual paper right now, planning what the business needs/wants to do for 2009. But while I'm thinking about that, a.k.a reality, I am also thinking about how things would be in an ideal world where time and money are not a concern.

What do I want to see happen in 2009? Well there's a personal level and a business level and I suppose the twain meet quite often. And no, this is not a resolution list. I don't do resolutions. I have goals and to-do lists that change all the time. Resolutions are mental prisons. I am free.

Now personally, I have two things that are my realistic goals:
1 - Seriously think about and work toward MAAAAYYBE planning for a baby next year. Can I be less concrete here? The physical prep for it can only do me good even if we decide against it but for now I want to act like it will be a go.
2 - Finish the freakin' book proposal! Spent the fall and start of winter working on the new line of greeting cards but that's not an excuse anymore.

Business-wise, I have a list of ideals. If someone said, "Monica, tell me what you want and I will make it happen," this is what I'd want:
1 - 8 more stores across the country gung-ho to sell our puzzles/greeting cards.
2 - 1 dozen teen-agers working as our teen sales team.
3 - One assistant to help me bring my ideas to life and to help us track the new and the old projects/products and one to help us focus on the customers.
4 - The website completely updated with all the bells and whistles we seek.
5 - A major vending piece in the summer and for the 2009 holidays, which will give us 4 for the year.
6 - 6 magazine mention/articles as the fun, hot, must-have product.
7 - At least 10 more sizeable custom jobs for the year.
8 - Noticeable profit for everyone involved, especially for the ones who've patiently stuck with us for the long haul.
9 - to grow from there in 2010 (even if a new baby joins the family).

So forget the resolutions. Anyone else have some goals/ideas for 2009?

What's Going On?

A lot. And not much.

I am sitting in bed on my wonderful, free laptop, which is sitting securely on my gifted purple lapdesk which is perched comfortably on my lap as I listen to Mr. T snore and I am letting you all know that not much is going on.

Bizzy Girl and I have been vending and we have one more to do for this month before we can start focusing on the new products for next year. We are going to do our first really large expo next September - about 17,000 people expected - so the job is to prepare for that while not missing our opportunities on the way. I am really excited.

I am not doing much.

The snow and ice has covered our world and more is expected. So I sit here watching whatever is on TV, catching up on my DVR'd shows, listening to the kids running and screaming. Earlier I pointed out to my husband the really fat diamond ring on some starlet's finger on Access and told him I really want one of those one day - a ring you can see from across a really wide street. We talked about that hypothetical third child and once again came to no real conclusion.

I am not doing much tonight.

A work friend texted me to thank me for recommending one of my favorite movies, Love, Actually, which I just bought but I loaned to her to watch first because she had never seen it before and I couldn't bear the thought of her not knowing that it's really not a chick flick but one of those romantic movies that is real but happy, not sappy. I've got Spanglish sitting in on my closet shelf. Do I feel like watching it tonight? Hmmm.

I am not doing much right now.

The kids just kissed me goodnight. They are planning to sleep together again tonight. I think Son thinks we don't know that he gets up in the middle of the night to play his DS or watch TV. He'll pull Daughter in with him again and she'll be tired tomorrow like she was this morning. But kids need to feel like they are getting away with things from time to time right? Not too often.

It's quiet now.

I know there is so much work to do at my job, and I managed to do 2 more jobs for my PT proofreading gig so they have stuff to do too. But tonight I won't sign on to the website or check work emails. I won't go looking on the proofreading server to see what's there. I'm just going to chill.

I am not doing much. Usually I am but right now, I am not. It's nice. Need to do this more often.

Another Precious Year

38 today. Wow. It's kinda weird to see that in writing.

Daughter said I will be old soon but I think she's 5 and dazzled by the freedom of her youth. Silly rabbit.

It's was sweet to open my laptop this morning and see "Happy Birthday" and heart stickers on it. It was funny to see a card from my editorial/IT co-workers and to have chocolate on chocolate cake. How'd they guess that? :-) My laptop now sits on my purple lapdesk on my outstretched legs as I write this right now, courtesy of these same co-workers, and even though it wasn't planned for me specifically, I even got a beautiful red Swingline stapler via the Yankee swap and that too was awesome. And lunch! Don't forget my birthday lunch that one co-worker/friend took me to.

Sweet, sweet, sweet.

Lots of birthday wishes on Facebook, an ice cream cake and my son reading to his sister AND helping her finish her homework so I can eat my cake and chill. Now THAT was the best gift of all.

Husband has to go to work so I get the bed to myself.

Oh yes. It's been a very good day.

Three's the Harm?

Visited my gyno this week. I always manage to forget my little medical issue until I do - if I have a third child, will he have to literally cut through bone to get to him? The X-rays I did earlier this year showed nothing. Except he's been there personally and knows I have some kind of calcification going on. It's enough to make him wonder if he'd need a bone expert with him should we go for #3. (Oh, in case you don't know. I get c-sections, thus the cutting.)

"I'd want to be prepared so I think I'd want you to do a cat scan, if you think you want to have another baby."

"uh, yeah. I'll get back to you on that."

Deliberately planning to have a child is no easy decision. Money, time, space, age and lack of energy come into play. Mr. T won't get off the fence and I can't seem to either. So I remain hopeful that God will override man's medical marvels and, if it's meant to be, Baby 3 - to be here known as The Baby - will come of his own accord, or God's.

In the meanwhile, I have my now 1-month-old nephew I can look at daily and wish I could hold. I can spend money on him if I choose and I don't lose energy doing it either. Plus, the distance actually keeps that baby bell from ringing because there is no physical contact to make me get off the fence one way or the other.

"But you keep talking about it, Monica."

You don't think I notice that? I don't know what to tell ya. The story continues.

A High Note

First of all, I just want to say my nephew is ADORABLE! Looking at his face. Had to say it. Nope. Haven't met him in person yet. Hopefully by March. I just wanted to say he's adorable and no, I'm sorry. I can't post his picture because while he is mine, he's not mine mine, you know?

I digress.

One week before my birthday - last night - I gave myself the gift of humiliation. Humiliation, once you have it, can make it easier to do something again because really, everyone already saw it so what's the mystery now?

"It" is me. Singing. Karaoke. With 2 co-workers in a contest at the office holiday party. Ok, singing isn't the best word. Nervousness had all 3 of us deciding to imbibe a bit, except I'm not a drinker so I sipped the one drink I had. Plus, it was only last week that I practically had no voice due to sinus issues. That + alcohol + nerves = 3 people singing You Can Ring My Bell in all sorts of keys. Not sure any of them were in the order they should have been.

We've discussed this before. I love to sing. Doesn't mean I'm good at it but I'm not horrible either. Of course, on a microphone, I learned that my voice sounds like someone is throwing it and it's hard to find your lost key when you don't even recognize the sound coming from your own mouth.

Nevertheless, there are some things in life that I need to do because it's part of who I am and it's not fair to bottle it up forever. Singing was one of them, whether it's karaoke or in the church choir, which I still need to do. Karaoke, at least, has the bar set really low and you have a shot at not disappointing too many people since they don't expect much anyway. After all, if I were like Whitney, I wouldn't be here blogging.

When they announced the contest, I immediately openly denounced it. "Are you doing it?" "No way!" But secretly I knew it was my chance to put that fear to rest, or at least have it take a nap for awhile. An innocent discussion with one of my departmental co-worker friends turned into her saying, "We should do it Monica!" Oh Lord. What have I gotten myself into? Next thing I know, we're convincing one of the guys to sing with us because we knew he'd be unexpected (I don't typically hang with him but I have nothing against him.) and he'd be comic relief, taking the attention from our nerves. He said yes immediately.

Then he said no. What the heck?

His departmental co-workers, he said, gave him such a hard time, next thing I know, my friend is telling me he's IMing that he's out.

So now I'm REALLY locked in while we talk him back in. After we rehearsed together a couple of times, we were laughing so hard, he was completely comfortable once again and raring to go.

Then the night came.

And he backed out again. Come on!

I won't tell you why. It will make this 6 foot something, hulking Russian guy look like a baby. But our 3rd partner came to rescue and got him back in again.

The rumors were flying. Everyone expected the Editorial chicks to do something. After all, we'd been playing "Put a Ring On It" out loud for about 2 days before the party. Playing. Singing. Dancing. Who was going to be Beyonce? That was the question. But we had no desire to humiliate ourselves THAT much.

All three of us ended up at different tables for dinner and the DJ said he wanted at least one rep from every table to sing. No one ran to the mic. So who serenaded us for awhile while we got our guts together? American Idol 5th season contestant Kevin Covais. He's 19 and adorable. He also has diabetes, thus the connection.

Still, no takers so we manned up. The Russian donned the feather boas and took the tiny bell that was drowned out by his deep voice and we had fun. Everyone else did too. People say we were brave. I guess. I only know I had something to prove to myself.

On the way home, I tried to figure out how I talked myself into this thing in the first place. What could have given me the courage? Alcohol? Naw. It's wasn't even a whole drink, though Mr. T. says I get tipsy off one. The prize money? Well, it was an incentive. Me getting ever older and less concerned about what others think? Could be. Was it that I'm working with a great group of people that I can genuinely work hard with and play hard with too? That's a possibility as well. In the end I decided I was just happy. Happy to be so blessed doing what I love, with people I respect. Living a life of purpose with a family that endlessly entertains me. I'm content. So maybe this was me showing that.

I'm glad I sorta conquered this nagging fear. It was worth it.

And yes, we won.

Make New Friends, But Keep The Old

My cell phone woke up my Christmas tree this morning. At least I'm pretty sure that's why it was twinkling its lights angrily at me when I went into my living room looking for my faithful purple friend who usually sleeps face down next to my bed. I had had a lot to drink last night - uh soda. Not spirits, thank you very much - so my bladder was kind enough to step in this morning to make sure I got going.

So I picked up my phone and in seconds it was screaming its usual wake up song at me, causing me to jump in fright.

"What gives? Why the yell, cell?"

Silence.

"OK. I accidentally left you in the living room last night..."

"And I bet you didn't even notice," she hissed.

"Woah. Power down there. I noticed....this morning," I replied sheepishly.

"Ever since you won that laptop. It's been Twitter this and Facebook that and blogging more. Visiting your business groups more. Meeting people more. Networking more. Getting word out more about your business. You even play cards on it! You used to play with ME that way, looking for fun ringtones to add to your list!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry!"

"You walked right out last night and didn't even look back! Didn't you feel like something was missing? I remember hearing you tearing up the house once before when you'd thought you lost me. I was willing someone to call you or for an alarm to go off or something because I hated hearing you in agony. I loved you!"

"But I love you too! Don't you hear me cursing myself if I get in the car in the morning and think I left you on the kitchen table? Just yesterday I was patting myself down like a criminal thinking I had to go all the way back in the house to find you..."

"But I was in your pocket the whole time."

"That's right! You're a part of me. I do notice when you're not there. You. Complete. Me."

"Awww! It's just..."

"...that the laptop is here now and yes, it's letting me do all the stuff I was too lazy to do before because I'd have to trudge all the way downstairs in the cold to my stationary computer. I'm pretty sure it's not speaking to me now."

"Yeah. It does feel neglected."

"See? And I love it too. After all, we have that special bond. It will always be my first raffle prize. Irreplaceable."

"Should have seen this coming."

"What do you mean?"

"I know. Your last cell phone told me what happened last time a laptop was in this house."

"Oh. Yeah."

"What happened to that one?"

I looked away wistfully. "It was Mr T.'s. He...sold it."

Cell phone was quiet. "Why?"

"Someone saw it at work and liked it. That man is moved by the buck."

"Hmm..." I could hear it's batteries charging. "Any chance...."

"No. Way."

We sat in silence as I blogged our story.

"Um, Monica?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't you have to get to work and get the kids up for school?"

"Oh shoot! What time is it?"

"Almost 7. What's wrong, your new laptop couldn't tell you that?"

I chose not to answer that. Laptop tells me the time alright, but in gentle prodding ways over in the corner of the screen. It doesn't like to intrude.

"Naw. Guess it can't do what you can Celly. And it's not a cool color like you are either."

"You're darn skippy it's not. Anybody can wear black. It's takes someone cool to pull off purple the way I do."

"Come on. Let me here that familiar ring again. Just, please, tone it down this time?"

Ahhh, the sweet sound of a cell phone alarm. Nothing like it.

Order in My Court

I am going to be 38 in 15 days. So you'd think I'd know me by now. But I seem to be at some odd stage where I am noticing things about myself again, like I did in my 20s, and realizing I've been this way my whole life. It's like Dorothy discovering she could get home the whole time.

Take this organization compulsion I have. Never thought a thing about it before now. Never saw it as a positive or a negative. Never put it on a resume as a skill. It simply didn't stand out for me as a trait. Only now does it seem to be proving it plays a huge part in who I am and how I do things.

All my life I have:

1 - liked things to balance in every way possible.
2 - hated for things to be out of place and that goes for people too.
3 - loathed messiness. My space, whatever it was, was neat when I started and neat when I ended because who wants to come back to the same stuff from a different day?
4 - made lists.
5 - preferred even numbers to odd. Ok that one may be a little off but it's just another form of balance to me.
6 - nothing really. Just wanted to end with an even number.

People noticed how my desk at work was always clean at the end of the day. When writing papers in school, organizing my thoughts was never the issue. Neither was organizing my locker. If you look in my car's glove compartment, you won't be afraid that you'll lose a hand in there.

I get a thrill at just seeing things in place. I feel at peace. I feel content. If it's messy, I feel scattered. I feel wrong. I get jumpy. I just can't think straight. Normal. I didn't think much about this. So what if I think clothes should be put in rainbow order. How else do you know what you have? Books should be categorized according to subject first, then either alphabetical by author or according to size (depends on my mood). And if you take something out of place, put it back so you'll never have to hunt for things.

I've been known to leave the house late for something because things are out of order. I tend to count things too like how many grapes I put into a sandwich bag to take to work. Gotta be an even number. I suppose I have a little Monk disorder.

So here I am facing 38 - and I have no problem with that - and I find myself growing less and less tolerant of certain behaviors in others as my own compulsions come more fully into the light. To my family: Will everyone please stop coming home and dropping stuff in the middle of the kitchen floor and dumping crap on the table? Why can't the stupid towels get hung up and why do people keep asking me whose is whose when I am the only one who hangs them up in the first place - in the same places - every time?

Balance and order. That's all I want. Is that too much to hope for? I suppose it is for some. I suppose I can be over the top. I laughingly tell people the extent to which I try to balance things, just to see their heads spin. For instance, I told you my birthday. Dec. 18th. Well, Daughter's birthday is Oct. 28. Note the 8 in her number like in mine. (I picked the day so it's no coincidence. I love 8's.) I didn't pick Son's date, however. His is March 14. I didn't pick Mr. T's either. His is Jan. 4. See all the even numbers? Makes me very happy. And notice the way the birthdays fell. the 1st and 3rd month of the year for the boys. The 10th and 12th months for the girls. The balancing of the placement of the months overrides the odd number of the boys' months. (Hey! I'm letting you in my head here for a sec. No judgments!) Soooo, you might remember that a 3rd child (nope, no fourth) has always been up in the air. But I know I'd be picking that date too. How do I get my balance? Well, I'd have to get pregnant in September, first of all. It's an anniversary month so not unlikely. That way I can shoot for June 6 or 16th. Middle month, middle number. Head spinning yet? This is my world. Thanks for visiting.

Back to my patience, she is a dwindling. Take my kids (please!). My kids' rooms stay in a war-torn state and it sickens me every time I look in there. "But they're kids!" "All kids' rooms are messy!" Are they? Really? REALLY? I called my mother not long ago because I had to know. I was giving myself this same excuse in my head but for the life of me it wasn't ringing true. I couldn't remember junk being all over my floor as a kid. Now, I never liked making up a bed, I admit. But I was forever trying to find ways to make things fit neatly together so I could get to whatever I wanted fast. I distinctly remember moving things around a lot always looking for the better way. Dolls were fitted neatly on each others' laps. Games were together and boxes were in size order. My mother confirmed it. I liked everything in its place. So, this mess my kids live in? It's because this is who they are, not simply because they are kids. They will mature and get better, I know. But I will be cleaning up behind them because it's who I am and it stresses me out to do nothing about it.

Who am I? Apparently I am who I always was but I didn't know this aspect until now. But it pleases me to know that I am this way because I have always admired it in others. So now, I admire myself. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy abstract stuff too , if only because I like to try to bring order to it, in my own mind anyway. Yeah. This is me. It's a little neurotic to others but when those same people are missing something, who they gonna call? You got it. And I'll be there to answer.

Oh Sonny Boy

I have 2 children. They are both the offspring of Mr. T and myself. They look alike, they act like, sometimes they even annoy alike. In my analysis thus far, Daughter exhibits the traits I like or accept in myself. Son exhibits the ones I have issues with.

I've talked about him before and will continue to do so not just because it's my blog and I'll whine I want to, but because this is how I process.

Daughter is moody, like me. It doesn't bother me.
Daughter isn't really a morning person, like me. I respect that.
Daughter has a fiery temper, like me. Son fears her at times. I just smile in recognition or else put her in her place.

Son is picky. I never called myself this but yeah, I like what I like and forget the rest. Still, I want him to be open because I wish I had been braver about things when I was younger.
Son is dramatic. Don't really see myself this way but that fiery temper tends to be my response to things sometimes and certainly that is over the top.
Son is slow to accept change. This could be related to the pickiness. I'm cool with change that I initiate. Otherwise, I may need a minute to readjust.

If you put my two baby bears on a rainbow and gave them a color, Daughter would be red and Son would probably be blue. So why do I clash more with my blue Son? Still figuring that out.

I admitted to a friend not too long ago that I prefer dealing with Daughter because she's easier for me. Ironic, considering I never wanted a daughter in the first place for fear we'd be too much alike and fight all the time. Son is actually easy to love. He's sweet, respectful, sincere, affectionate, smart, and when you really think about that whole pickiness thing, I suppose it shows he's strong-willed too. Who can't like those qualities? Well, those aren't the things that get to me.

Before you tell me not to compare my children, I tell you I already know they are individuals and to love them for who they are, blah blah blah. The fact is Daughter is brave. I wish Son were moreso. So many times things have come up that I am certain he would have liked if only he weren't so afraid of new things. When Daughter gets stressed, she gets angry. I suppose that is an emotion I understand so it doesn't bug me as much, though I do tell her she'll get nowhere with it. Son, on the other hand, cries and whines and repeats himself over and over and it nearly drives me nuts because of the relentless repetition of it all. If something doesn't make sense in his homework, he whines for help (I really never liked whining.) and there is this whole begging thing in his voice that grates on my nerves. I want to tell him to man up. Stop whimpering. Just say you don't get it in a normal voice. (I told you I know he's 8. Doesn't change how I feel.)

Now, I don't make things easy on them, I confess. When it comes to homework, I don't hand out answers like candy on Halloween. I say, "Look at it again. Read it again. Tell me what you understand. Tell me what you don't understand. Look at the homework in its totality. Is there nothing there to clue you in as to how you should get your answer?" (Generally, this is related to math homework.) Unlike me, Son is a linear thinker and that is something I don't know what to do with. If he knows one way to get an answer, then that is what he does forever. The moment the numbers change order or the math turns to words, all hell breaks loose.

"Son. You CAN do this. Stop. Think. Read it slowly. Doesn't some of this look familiar?"

"I don't know! I can't do it!"

Wanna get me riled up? Tell me you "can't" when you haven't even tried.

So I get stressed and wonder how to teach him how to think creatively. How do I convey that there is usually more than one way to get an answer. 9 times out of 10, when I come home to that unfinished homework he says he can't do, I ask questions, I say what I said before and suddenly he can do it after all. Still, he doesn't realize yet that he CAN do it if he tries and that all I ever ask is that you at least try before you give up. Don't immediately jump to how you can't or how it won't work or how it's not exactly how you thought it should be so it must not be the right way.

My struggles with him is in his confidence. I get angry when he downs himself, saying he's stupid or doesn't know how to do things. "I don't like math because I can't do it." But he can! Even his teachers from every single grade so far say he can. Now, I tell him he may not like it, and that's fine but he can't do it? He's lying to himself and needs to cut it out.

I suppose my fight with him is not about today, it's about tomorrow. I'm afraid he won't see what I see - a smart, creative kid with so many natural abilities if he'd let himself be aware of them. I fear he'll be a follower. Sometimes you have to but never at the expense of your own will and morals. I'm scared he'll miss out because he's suspicious of new things. When we have our shouting matches - well, me shouting, him whining - I'm pretty sure he's in the moment. I keep thinking of what today's insecurity could develop into if I don't snap him out of it. But the counselor in me also is aware that I have to be here and just make myself chill out and embrace the boy of today lest he think I don't like him for who he is. Couldn't be further from the truth. It's who he is that I see so clearly. But right now it is masked by the qualities that need refinining. And that remains the challenge - setting aside my ways so I can deal with his effectively and shine a spotlight on the things he has yet to appreciate.

It's simply not easy for me. Don't be surprised if I vent some more on the topic one day. I know all of this frustration on my part risks our future relationship, at least during those teen and early adult years when so many people are coming into their own and don't know what they don't know yet. I know that I risk giving him some sort of complex maybe or driving him into himself because he thinks I don't accept him.

Still, in all my frustration, it is easy for me to tell him how great he is and in my imperfection, I can only pray that he will one day see that all I ever wanted was the best for him and we'll finally reach a place where he too fully loves himself as much as I love him. He's my first-born after all; the one who showed me that being a parent is an honor and receiving the love of a child is a privilege. He's the one who started me on the path to enjoying simply providing for him because it made me feel good to see him healthy and happy and content to just be my son. The last thing I want to do is jeopardize all that but I have my signs. I listen out for the familiar, "Hug and kiss. I love you" that I get every night before he goes to bed. He insists upon it, in fact. That's how I know we're still in the game. I intend for us to win it.

Launched!

Months of work and waiting. Done. The 2 new children's puzzles are finally done and ready to be released to the world. And that's not all! The new traditional greeting cards are ready too and as always, there are greeting card puzzles galore.


The challenge now? Get the word out because we want to get these kids inspired and keep them that way. So what do we have?

Well there's this one - Dream Big. This one has a minor tweak being done to it but the picture willk be the same. It's 11x17, 35 pieces and you can get it for $10.

And then there is this one:

Also 11x17, this one has 200 pieces and sells for $15.

These babies are our brain children. Been rooting about in our heads for a while now. I'm just glad to finally see them out and about! Now, holiday cards. We have a package of 12 cards for $10 available and there are 4 designs in it. You'll have to contact me to see that one. We also have a new Kwanzaa cards - with mini puzzles to go with it! - and so much more in the works. So exciting!

There you go. Part of what I've been up to. And with this blogpost, I'm not even halfway through my list of ways I'm telling people about this. So I've gotta go!

By the way, we take cash, credit, checks and money orders. Oh and if you really like the children's puzzles and want them for Christmas, you must order by Dec. 1st. Sorry so tight but I tell you this stuff is FRESH!

Next time!

Savoring the Thought of Success

My partner is afraid of success. Can't blame her. It's an exotic dish that you have to know how to swallow or it may kill you. So, fear is a good thing. But the fear makes her freeze, well it's only thin ice maybe. For instance, because of one of my groups, we have a very real chance to be on one of my favorite shows - The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch - if I ever want to get us there. That freaks her out. I therefore have to pretend like nothing is happening and be the one who is scared too but keep heading toward it anyway. I hate bugs so I scoot them out of my house or look for my husband. My kids hate bugs. No husband around? Mommy becomes a killer. We all do what we have to do.

We have to succeed. We will. That's a given. Just a matter of when.

The timing of things lately has been interesting and the opportunities have been nothing short of miraculous. Store owners who know us or have worked with us already are making space for us - for free - simply because they believe in what we are doing. Prices to produce things are rock bottom as a result. Vending opportunities are coming right at the very moment new projects are finishing. Quirky friends are making it big in their own right and sharing the wealth - simply because they want to do that with us. Other friends we haven't seen in a while are literally walking into our lives the very moment we think we need to contact them for something.

Right now it's all a jumble what needs to be done and for who and when. There is much to sort out very quickly in order to get on the shelves, in racks and hopefully into very influential hands. And why do I want this? Why do WE want this? Because we love what we do and believe in it, but even more so because we so desperately want to give back in droves what others have given us over the years to help us.

It's not easy doing this when you have a family and a full-time job, I admit. I'd love to sleep more but it's hard to sleep when ideas are stomping about in your head demanding attention. Someone once said, "I can sleep when I'm dead," right? Well, I don't want to wait quite that long. Still, I've got to keep pushing. We do. We all do. I love this so very much because this whole endeavor started with three of us and the 3rd person was never gone, only preoccupied with other things. She's back with a vengeance and to succeed in a major way right now with her fully in the picture would just be the cherry on the sundae. We would have come full circle.

Tonight I go to dinner with a friend and chill for a moment before diving back into all the logistics that need to be worked out this very week. My goodness! Look at the time. Thanksgiving is next week already?

I'm late! I'm late! Back down the rabbit hole I go.

He Is Born

It is official. I am an aunt. Happy birthday, baby!

It's a Laptop, Baby!

A new laptop today, a new nephew tomorrow? Awesome!

God is great. Joining the PTA - again - netted me a much-coveted prize ever since Mr. T. sold his laptop earlier this year. The PTA had a membership drive and was raffling off a Dell laptop. I won. (Interestingly enough, I won my Dell desktop too a few years back in a raffle for people who had perfect attendance in the business workshop I took.) Now I have my own, which I sorely needed due to the impending side gig. I am finally at phase 3 over a month after I first sent my resume to them. It's not them, though. Twice I had to have 3-hour blocks of time to take the test and that's not easy to find during a typical week let alone the crazy ones I've had lately. But now I am laptop happy and can go back to wandering the house to do what I need to do instead of sitting at a desk. I suppose it may be the fact that I am already sorta tied to a desk all day that makes me resent doing it at night too. And with Son taking over more and more every day, I need to see what he sees a little easier than I do right now. So tonight I go play with it and hopefully it has wireless already so I don't have to buy a card.

And speaking of buying, I've got to jump online tonight to get what I was going to buy my new nephew. He wasn't due for another week but his mom needed to be induced because he is apparently smaller than he should be and they think he would be better out than in. So my guess is he'll be here tomorrow - maybe tonight! - and November will forever be the month the U.S. made history and my family got another boy to carry on the family name.

Can't wait!