Speak Up!

Every now and again I have to come back to remind people that death and life ARE in the power of the tongue. Just about every day I get proof of that, not just in my life, but in the lives of people I know and frankly not all of them are of my belief system so that should tell you something too.

I can only imagine that people find it to be an over-the-top declaration that simply speaking things can make it so. I'm sure there are plenty of people who believe that things are going to work a certain way anyway and that we really have no impact, no matter how much we'd like to believe we do. I don't know what to tell you. It's pretty simple to prove me right or wrong - just start talking. That's it. Now, mind you, talking does NOT mean don't work at it. It does not mean to say it with your mouth but in your mind believe the opposite. Even God has said that faith without works is dead, so there is something to say for believing AND doing like you believe, yet at the same time not being irresponsible in your actions. If you have more people in that boat of yours than you, then you really can't ignore that fact. But this is indeed an act of faith I'm talking about here. There are some things that can work against you - usually you and surrounding yourself with negative people like you. Don't like your own attitude? Consider the company you keep and see if maybe you can make a change there. It goes a long way to have people who can pull you out when you're down in the dumps or just have too little faith to carry yourself that day.

Just last week Bizzy Girl and I were talking about a puzzle client - 2 actually - and thinking we really need a few more of a certain number of orders to help get everyone a better price overall. "All we really need is one more," we said. Why do we do that? Now that, I admit, is what I am still striving to remember for myself. Be careful what you ask for because what did we get this weekend? One of the kinds of orders we were looking for and at the moment I have no clue where this person came from, but it's an ideal client, that's for sure. We really should have said something more like, "It would be great to have X more jobs this month or make $X amount this month," given our goal for this year. That's not to say we won't get more. We're doing some things to try to make that happen, but we said one more, so we got the one more.

Think bigger people! (That goes for us too.)

Mr. T and I went to see Twilight: Eclipse this weekend. (Believe it or not, it was his idea.) It was as action packed as we thought it might be, but what was so heart-warming was not the eye-rollingly romantic vampire movie. (Come on. Wouldn't YOU choose the warm, living wolf over the cold, dead vampire? OK, yeah the wolf does look 15 and you'd think you were robbing the cradle even at 17, and yeah, the vampire is cuter and more mature since he's been alive forever...whoops! Tangent.) What was heart-warming was the trailer we saw right before we saw the movie. The trailer announcing the movie coming soon that was made by Kerri's script-writing husband, Chris. The screen was dark, I heard breathing and a phone conversation and a familiar voice, and as it became more apparent that the voice was Ryan Reynolds', it dawned on me what I was seeing (well, NOT seeing) and I was thrilled the world was finally going to see what we knew was coming. It felt like an inside joke as I clapped and I'm sure had people around me wondering why I was clapping for a preview.

Every time I see word about that movie, Buried, I think back to how much Kerri was ready for all this stuff to happen and not 100% convinced it was going to happen fast enough to keep her sane, but we kept talking about what it would be like when it did. I'm sure Chris had more than enough faith to see even more than that. So when it hit, it hit like a tornado that swoops in to bring life, not take it away, and so far I think she has received or is in the process of receiving everything she had ever hoped for (not sure if she prayed about it before, but I can promise you I prayed about it for her, especially since it was clear a change was coming her way.)

I even think of my pregnant little co-worker (she's small so even before she was 3 months, you could tell she was pregnant). I told her I wanted to say early on that I thought she was having a boy and she laughed because that was exactly what she wanted, but her husband wanted a girl and her mother was saying girl. And on our job, the thing that works against you is the baby history. I've been here 5 years and the last person to have a boy was 5 years ago, and she was on her way to a new job in a new state at that. Every woman who has been here or every man who has had a pregnant wife has had a girl. So we thought about the tradition that no one was purposely trying to start and we knew what she really had to fight was that. Sure, it's all light-hearted but really, I'm talking about more than a few babies in that 5-year span and all girls? But my little co-worker and I and one more co-worker kept saying boy. So far, the docs are 95% certain that's what she's having. Eh. It's a small example compared to the bigger ones I mentioned, but that boy is going to turn around a 5-year tradition. No small feat!

Bottom line - say what you want. Believe what you say. Wait for what you believe. You may be surprised at how things change.

Dream Weaving

I love dreams. Not just the life-planning ones but the ones your mind entertains you with if you are lucky enough to fall into deep slumber. I don't really dream a lot so when I do, I pay attention to it because I believe they are always meaningful to you or someone if you take the time to work our their meaning. When someone else dreams about me, I take notice of of that too. My mind, as crazy as it is when I am awake, has been asleep on the job when it comes to dreaming but a friend recently emailed me a dream she had about me. (The one and only name in this has been changed because that's what I do here.):

Walking to wherever, I spotted you sitting and planting a small garden overflowing with colorful flowers under a big tree. We walked out to meet and greet each other and you showed me how Mr. T was planting grass (already very green and thick) in the yard. He was about to start paving the street, which had a big dip and breaks in the asphalt. He had his permits and equipment and was ready to start(and finish that day, apparently). You then gave me some light fixtures to donate to ??? -- and that was that.

I've been telling my prediction for 2009 and I may not have stated it clearly here yet but basically, 2009 is a year of reaping what we have sown. Could be good or otherwise but I think it's all working together for good if we let it. 2008 was a year of new beginnings/major changes and if nothing else, you've got to admit a black president is a whole new beginning/major change.

So if my friend's dream is meant for me, and I think it is, then I see some real reaping going on and I'm glad for it. I looked up the meaning of pavement and it has to do with setting goals. I laughed at reading this because my husband, at least when it comes to money, is a real planner. When he knows what he wants to do, he will make a detailed plan, although he sucks at sharing that plan. He likes to keep it close to the vest until time for action. But this dream has us all working together, as we should, and it just feels good to read that.

Now if this dream is meant for my friend, and I think it still is, then the message is to take this light of hope and blessings and pass it on. I know last year ended bleakly for many. We found out that the equity in our house was practically zapped. And I know this year is starting on the same bleak note but I for one can't help but feel good about last year - new president; new nephew; new and well-received products for our business. I guess because 8 is my favorite number, I don't see last year in a bad light at all. And this year just feels like all the things we've ever worked for will finally grow in a major way.

I've never experienced a job loss so I know I am speaking from a place of wishful thinking, but the opportunity for people to move into areas of passion to them is tremendous and I hope many people take advantage of that because I am POSITIVE God wants that for all of us. There is peace is pursuing the thing God created you to do and what is that, you ask? What do you love? What moves you? What gives you joy when you do it? Look there.

I know we live in a time of war, but the worldwide response to our new president should gives us all a sense of encouragement that we all want the same thing - peace and prosperity for all.

I know it seems like things fall apart, but for me, it helps push me toward my God and keeps my faith intact, and when the clouds are gathering and the storm is threatening, I can still thank God for growth that will come afterward.

No matter what your faith is, surely there are ways you keep yourself in a positive frame of mind. So tell me. Are you living the dream? Still dreaming? In a nightmare? Had a good, real dream that came true? The world wants to know!

Wordless Wednesday

OK, so I wouldn't be me if I didn't say a few words. But basically, it's just to say that I've never done WW. Liz does this all the time but this time I actually had something - thanks to my emailing brother - that fit the bill.

Visions of What, Exactly?

It's been 3 days and I'm ready for this week to come to an end. The bulk of my time has been spent on Daughter, although in between there we had Empire come out to price out carpeting most of our house (approx. $6,000! Not gonna happen.) and a carpenter I know came over to check out all the locks we need to change. I also managed to finally get those rockets on Son's wall. He saw it and was thrilled. He expected a galaxy on the walls but I explained that would happen via bed linens, wall lamps, and other accents. He's happy and I'm just glad that part is done.

I'm tired. Not just because of the house and the time it's taking to get things done but Daughter has suddenly started having some form of night terrors and it is draining.

She's always been the stong one of our 2 children and that may sound odd of a 3-year-old but that girl puts up with just about anything and puts you in your place as well. She plays with her brother, we listen for conflict and try not to interfere too much. They watch TV together and imagine together and generally do what brothers and sisters should.

But we don't know what she watched Saturday night. We thought maybe they watched something on Cartoon Network. I blocked that channel once but blocking that one seemed to block ALL the cartoon channels and I didn't want that but eventually clever Son figured out the pin number anyway - because I didn't even try to be clever mom. We watched and listened and kept going. (But oh, yes, I did figure out how to block that one channel and the pin number now is one Son won't guess.)

Sunday morning about 5 a.m., Daughter sat up in bed and spoke out about something coming down from the ceiling and something crawling out of daddy's ear. Excuse me? I sat up for that one because I knew that couldn't be but then she let out the most blood curdling scream I've ever heard - I've NEVER heard her scream like this. I jumped up and turned on the light to see what she saw. But nothing was there. I tossed the covers and Mr. T. looked over in confusion. He pulled back the sheets as Daughter continued to retreat from something only she could see. We searched the ceiling in vain as she concentrated on something there. We thought she might still be asleep but she responded to everything we said. She jumped in my arms but I couldn't move fast enough to get out into the hallway as she insisted. Mr. T. and I could only exchange confused glances.


Daughter looked to the ceiling and looked anxiously around her. Whatever it was she was seeing, they were everywhere and she could not contain herself. Eventually she ran to her Nana's room where the light was on because she was up getting ready to go to the early morning service at her church. Daughter stayed there and Mr. T and I laid back down listening to her descriptions and shaking our heads. It wasn't long before the screams came again. Whatever it was, she was seeing it in the dark AND in the light. This is not normal. She was awake. I was sure of it because she laughed and played as she calmed down during the two hours we went through this. Sometimes another scream came at the end of a laugh as her eyes caught sight of something yet again. She ran back to me and tried to hide from whatver she saw. "Turn on the light! Turn on the light now!" she insisted. Mr. T. was drifting in and out (the man slept through most of my 28 hours of labor pains. I'm not surprised he'd manage to sleep with this going on). I turned on the touch lamp on the lowest setting, turned on the TV and let Daughter cling to my arm as she instructed me to, "Kill it! Kill it!" A waving of my hands was all it took but I couldn't stop or else they'd get close again.

Two hours later Daughter was able to fall asleep. The next day, she remembered what happened but was more joking about it. Sunday night she got through the night and we thought maybe it was a fluke. 2 o'clock this morning, she did it again. Screaming she looked under the sheets she shares with us and hid under them, refusing to come out even as I tried to assure her I had turned on the light and the TV as she was telling me to do. I told her she'd get really hot under there. "Mommy's here. Come on out."

"No!"

I looked at her. I talked to her. She was awake. She grew more agitated and eventually was overcome by all the creatures surrounding her. "Let's get out of here! Let's get out of this room!"

"OK, OK. It's OK."

I went to the living room as she screamed all the way and climbed all over me. Mr. T followed us, not knowing what to do. "It's OK, mommy's here. This is what mommies and daddies do. We protect you. You are going to be OK."

"Kill them! Kill them!"

I hugged her close and trried to pace the floor.

"Stop it! Stop walking!"

"OK." I sat and felt her curl up in a ball. I supressed my own welling sorrow for her pain and offered her the best weapon I have - my faith.

"Daughter, do you know who God is?" She goes to Youth Church with her brother so I was curious to see what she would say now.

"Jesus," she said with a shaky voice, looking around, shrinking from the images in her head.

"Yep. God created this world and everything in it that is good is His. This bad stuff you see, that's not what He wants for you. Listen to me, Daughter. Say what I say."

I explained to her that God has not given her the spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. WE said it again and again. I told her that God gave her her mommy and daddy to be physical manifestations of His love for her and to give her protection that she could see and feel.

"But do you know what else is here that you can't see?"

"No," she whimpered, tears falling in huge drops.

"Angels! Lots of them for someone like you. You KNOW how busy YOU are! You have so many out there watching your every step to do God's will and protect you. God is bigger than what you see, Daughter. Let's ask Him to take it away."

We spent the next two hours asking God to take it away, waving our hands and fanning away the spiders she was seeing. We determined from Son that these things were indeed something they had both seen on the Discovery Kids channel. We pointed to those creatures as she yelled at them, "You are stupid! God protects me!"

"That's right, Daughter! You are a strong girl and you have such a strong imagination and something is stuck in your head right now but they are NOT real. God is. Use that powerful imagination for the good. We won't let it overpower you."

"Leave me alone," she demanded of the things,though in between her bouts of strength, she'd recoil and insist I kill them. "You're icy!' she yelled.

I laughed.

"That's right baby. You tell them."

After two and half hours, a few songs, lots of threats to her visions of what I couldn't see, and continuous handwaving against this invisible foe, Daughter began to relax again. I let her watch a happy cartoon, some Barney too as she fell asleep in my arms and didn't protest as I carried her back down the dark hallway to our bed.

She was hot this morning. I took her to the doctor and it seems all the illness that had plagued her off and on for the last month had culminated into congestion on one side of her face and an ear infection as well - despite the tubes we had put in a few years ago. The doctor agreed that illness would disrupt her sleep and possibly bring on these hallucinations. She's been coughing for a month now and has been so restless. As I looked into the definition of night terrors, I figured she was just one very tired baby.

She's resting now and has been for hours. It's getting dark and I have faith in the medicine of man, medicine that God gave us the ability to create. She'll get back to herself, I'm sure of it. I hate that she's going through this but we had 2 hours just talking about who God is to her. Daughter and I fought the fight together with our spiritual weapons. I didn't think satan was moving in, mind you, but it's never too early to learn how to fight the battles you know you can't win alone. I'm glad I got the chance to share this with her. Hopefully when she is old, she won't depart from it.