Monday, October 09, 2006

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Truth of Life


The Good:

This is my friend John. He's an artist and perfected the art of social networking via the Internet long before I even knew the term "blog" so I know he won't mind my saying his real name. John is a sweetheart. He's not as hard as he looks here.

John and I met when I first moved to Connecticut to work as a copy editor at the Connecticut Post. We got along wonderfully and I grew to enjoy having long talks with him about life or something like it. John is gay so we've had MANY, oh so many, talks about that subject in regards to my beliefs and his lifestyle. John has always found it strange that I can have my beliefs about homosexuality (My Christian faith teaches it is a sin like so many other sins. Let he who is without it, cast the first stone.) and still truly love him for who he is and accept him. We've even discussed his relationships. I clearly remember us coming back to that old discussion one day as he drove us to N.Y. because he wanted me to go to The Met with him. I laughed as I asked him, "John? Do you feel me judging you in any way or do I seem insincere?"
"No!" he responded laughing. "That's what's so weird about it!"

He moved to England one day to be with a partner and eventually ended up coming back to the states and now he's living and thriving in Boston. I miss our talks. He painted my portrait once. No one has ever found me so intriguing to want to do that but he did. It's a HUGE painting too. I'd take a picture but it's in the basement wrapped up somewhere waiting for me to get a house so I can hang it in a place of honor.

So I said all that because it's one of my most vivid memories about John and because John is having an art show. If you are in the area - Kerri? - stop by there and say hi for me, will you? Tell him I love him and miss him greatly. Some women can understand what I mean when I say it's a precious thing to build a friendship with a man with no strings attached. I can count those friendships on one hand.

The Bad and The Ugly:

This is both in one. I found out tonight that a friend of mine lost her husband. She's a budding friendship actually. She's one of the members of one of my business groups and business is what brought us together but likemindedness was leading us toward friendship.

See R - that's what I'll call her - is a daycare provider. She left a corporate job some years ago to pursue her dream of owning a daycare and she's really, really organized and creative about it. She's been building out her business preparing to take on more kids. R and I go to the same hairdresser so we saw each other there sometimes and I remember her recently talking about her young son asking to go out with her and her husband. "I told him mommy and daddy gotta have some time to play kissy face," she said. It was just the three of them but there are the kids she takes care of every day.

Apparently R's husband, who was a bus driver, was on the highway driving his bus last week when a tire fell off a truck or something, came through the windshield and killed him instantly. He is being hailed a hero for getting the passengers to safety.

When I found out, I immediately thought of myself. Sounds selfish but how do you not when our lives are so parallel? She's 30-something like me. A business owner like me. A husband with a non-traditional job lifestyle like me. But I cannot imagine what she must be going through. We were discussing her expansion plans when last we met. She and her husband were a true team and were making plans for their future in other ways. I am hurt for her. I am confused for her. I am at a loss as to what to do for her because as I said, we are a budding friendship. We haven't reached a place where we hang out at each other's home but it's one of those somewhat new relationships where you just know you can be good in each other's lives. Some friendships are meant to be distant and when those distant people come calling, sometimes you wanna hide or you sigh and reluctantly help out. That is not the case here but I will be sure to let her know that she can call on me for whatever, whenever.

Lesson for me is to move a little faster with getting my will done and make sure Mr. T. and I are in sync there. He had his done before we married and presumably altered it afterward but I've always had some other financial responsibility get in the way of my getting this done. We've talked about who will get the kids if something were to happen to both of us but it's way past time to get that on paper.

I will get my will done before the year is up. I will go to the funeral to support R when the time comes. I will pray for her and her son. I will make myself available. I just wish I had the ability to turn back time.

3 comments:

Kerri. said...

Guess who saw this post today, instead of Tuesday, when it would have been an option for my Boston-bound self?

I wish I had taken a spin by the show. :( I'm sorry I missed it.

Looney Mom said...

Yup... those relationships really are rare. That's cool that you had that opportunity to show unconditional love to another human being.

I'm sorry about "R". I know what you mean - it's hard to imagine going through that, but we should be prepared. Wow.

theresa said...

I like his work. It's so nice that you have a friend like him.