20/20 Vision

I'm working on vision boarding. Well, not a board but a book. And I'm not working on it NOW, but I am planning on how I want to create it. OK, so I'm PLANNING on working on a vision book. There. :-P

Anyway, I've been perusing the thought of a board but something about it was so limiting to me and because I like change, it felt like it could be a straightjacket. But writing out the vision is nothing new for me. I write letters to myself all the time as if I am already in the future. I'm sure I've mentioned here before how effective that can be. Sometimes I'm still astounded by how word-for-word some things turn out to be. (Be careful what you envision!)

So in this planning, I'm on Oprah.com using her Dream Board just to get something going and to help me figure out what I want my book to do for me when I get it. I can print out what I create on her site, which lets me import my own pictures, so it's not a waste of time. This whole thing is what helped convince me that it's time to get a smart phone because I can pull up the dream board on the phone too in the future. Or use the phone to take great pictures of things that I see and like and I can add it to my board or list of things to print out for my book right then and there. Someone already told me of a great app that will finally let me make audio notes to myself again too. (I don't know if you recall I was lamenting the loss of this feature first found in a simple cell phone years ago and never found again, despite all this super dandy technology.) So a smart phone and a vision book it shall be.

Know what I really liked about this vision board/book plan? As I thought about all the aspects of my life to include in this and all the things I want to see happen, it felt almost like it had indeed already started to happen. But what was even more interesting was what was missing - any direct reference to one of what may be only 2 things that really try to plague me in my life - my weight and my skin issues.

My skin I can live with. What choice do I have? I take care of it as best I can and consider the material of clothes I buy, the detergents I use, the material of anything I may touch, my husband vacuums deeply, I get my allergy shots and see the dermatologist at the first sign of something I won't be able to control with the current meds. I drink all the water I should (some days I fall short) and wear sunblock (no, not in the winter because it's not my bad season and I'm too lazy to go that far). My skin will do what it wants to and I assume that just like it started doing things differently with the conception of my first kid, it'll probably do something again when menopause starts edging closer. Hormones are no joke, people.

Now my weight? Well, that's another of my occasional blog topics. You know I've never been thrilled with it. Well, no that's not true. I was VERY happy with it 5 minutes before the conception of my 2nd kid. After all I was within 5 pounds of my goal and smaller than I had been in high school. Jennifer Hudson wouldn't have felt threatened but I was content with it. But with another baby came more of everything and less weight watching. Then my skin threw another curve ball for awhile. Then everything got quiet and I was just happy to be me again.

The thing is I don't really care about weight. All I care about is that I am comfortable in my skin and I really do hate to be too big because then I have to do the work of getting back down. But when I am fed up enough with something, I WILL change it. My vision board/book, though, didn't mention weight. It said I'm gonna finally get that chef who will cook us delicious, healthy meals at least twice a week because I hate cooking and refuse to pretend otherwise. It said I will get that treadclimber I really want because I did so love my treadmill. When I wanted to move, it let me do that in the peace of my own home. But it's dead now and I'm not sure what I shall replace it with until I can get that really pricey treadclimber.

That vision board/book said I buy all the clothes, shoes and purses I want when I want without thinking about sacrificing something else first. I'm no clotheshorse, mind you, like my husband can be, so you won't feel a need to call Clean House on me, but I do love to wear stuff that makes me feel good and if my husband can do one of his silent doubletakes in the process, then all the better. I could do more now, but I just have different priorities at the moment so I do what I can when I can and I go for the more costly if I can since it lasts longer.

Clothes do make the woman, don't they? When you wear stuff you like and that FITS, your weight is usually the last thing on your mind. But I may be a little off because some women see themselves as bigger than they really are - at least to the rest of the viewing public. I tend to do the opposite, but don't worry. I know I don't dress like it. I just see myself probably a little better than I really am and in my vision, at my very best, I'm just a wife and mother who is enjoying life and her business, and who love to let other people use their talents to fulfill themselves and keep me from having to cook and clean refrigerators, thank you very much.

I was really happy to see I unknowingly left this little issue on the cutting room floor. Maybe it's one of those changes from being 40 that I was expecting. Maybe I've just got too much good in my life to let this be bigger than the seed of doubt it is. I'll still keep on deliberately working to lose weight for now. It's been 7 months so far and I'm only down 17 pounds, but I'm not sad about it or anything. Now way! Better down than up I say. When it comes to my self-esteem, though, better up. So, I'll just keep on going.