Monday, June 22, 2009

Next Stop: Home

I'm having one of those days. Those days where I dream about what would be ideal to me - at least right now. After doing not a blessed thing on Saturday, I spent Sunday morning cleaning my refrigerator and doing at least 5 loads of laundry, all before we went to church. Then taking Mr. T out for a Father's Day dinner after which we came home, I washed Daughter's hair then spent all of He's Just Not That Into You and a little bit of the beginning of Madea Goes To Jail twisting her hair so I wouldn't have to do it for at least 2 weeks. All the while, another 6 or 7 loads of laundry were being done (last 2 were done this morning). I was tired but I felt accomplished too because I really like things to be in order around me.

Then this morning, I got up wishing I were already at work; wishing I could stay home to do whatever else I needed to do at home as it came up but I'm not the SAHM personality so it wouldn't be me being strictly a housewife, but me being a WAHM instead. What if I could focus on Village Works full time? What if I could take care of home too so no one's mess would drive me insane because I'd be there to manage it? Could we have another baby then? Hey, I may even be willing to cook! (But don't press your luck there.)

This morning, this last week of school, I watched the kids run to the bus stop and it was nice to think of Daughter leaving kindergarten soon and Son entering 4th grade next school year. They are such kids now, both of them. Son already has as much of a life as I will let him have at his age and Daughter is vying for her own too. And the more they have lives of their own, the more Mr. T and I can have one yet, for a brief moment, I thought to myself, "I wonder if Mr. T is ready for Tax Deduction #3." I could have asked him. He was right there in the house lounging around the bedroom watching the news. But I didn't want to know his answer. This isn't ideal. I don't want my business to have another maternity leave. It's had 2 already, between Bizzy Girl's and my 3 kids. It needs us to stick around this time. This time it would be way better if the job was my own business and I had to balance that proverbial baby and a real one. It would be much more doable and I wouldn't need to sacrifice nearly as much as if I had a job, a business and a new baby because the business would be the one to suffer.

A friend saw one of our recent puzzle jobs and told Bizzy Girl that we really need to be making the leap into doing this full-time. "You have so many ideas," he gushed. Yeah, we do and he's not the first to tell us this - friends, customers, acquaintances. It's also not the first time we thought of it. What it is, is the first time it's felt like a real possibility. But it wouldn't be easy to do. Mr. T is not the leaping sort and Bizzy Girl is a single mom so she has to leap with much forethought. The more people you are responsible for/to, the bigger your lifeboat needs to be. But if things got to a place where I could make that transition, and Bizzy Girl could have a serious PT income until she was ready to do the same, then you'd know we really worked hard to get it that way. We won't know until January just how far we've come but I don't need a map to tell me we've come miles in one year alone. Our destination has got to be just up ahead.

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