Today is Her Birthday...

...Happy Birthday to her!

Daughter is 6. Daughter told the world she was 6. There's nothing monumental about 6 but she's loving it. Daughter went to the cub scout pack meeting with her brother and got to touch a snake - 2 actually - a bearded dragon and a hissing cockroach, to name a few.

Ew.

Daughter is happy. See?



She was up a little late eating candy from the pack meeting and ice cream cake. Don't ask me if she ate food. That was her daddy's job before we went to the pack meeting. Her brother signed her up for Club Penguin - his FREE gift to her.

Oh, and here's one of the snakes. That's Son at the head. He was going for the tail but the man switched it up on him. (God said He'd make us you the head, not the tail, right?)



Oh yes. It was that big. And Daughter took the picture. (That's why I'm getting her a camera for Christmas. Shhhh.) Clearly few things phase her.

Daughter was happy. Her birthday party is Saturday but for now, it was a good day.

Happy birthday, baby.

An Encouraging Word

I've been writing - just not on my blog. I've been on my website - just not my blog. I've been networking and even talking to other bloggers - just not on my blog. So now here I am. On my blog. And I've got some cool people for you to meet. (and by the way, my new blog designer should have had her baby by now and hopefully in December - in time for my birthday or Christmas maybe? - I'll have a fresh new look in the place. It's gonna be great!)

You see I am writing a book. (You knew that.) But the first part was actually writing all my thoughts down and figuring out the chapters. (Check.) Then I needed to write a proposal. (Check.) Then I wanted to show it to an agent and get feedback. (Check.) The agent's feedback was for more info that I had already planned to write about so now I'm on the fourth thing - talking to other moms for my book. This has been so much fun so far and very encouraging...for me! Talking about the book keeps me writing for the book.

Teachable moment: So, if you really want to do something, my friends, don't keep it to yourself. Putting it out there helps you do what you need to do and keeps the momentum going. The vision in your head can't come to life if you don't let it breathe and circulate among others.

Who have I met so far, you ask? Well, I want to talk to 100 moms. I've got about 30 so far. I need to start getting them organized anyway so I thought I'd share some of them with you. I think you'll like them. Say hello to:

Coach Carrie Bliss - Get Your Bliss - Carrie is also an author and oh my goodness, this woman is a true multi-tasker!

Hypnotist Fern Tausig - My Healing Hypnosis - Fern is really disciplined and had some interesting things to say about making the family her priority.

Writer Rhonda McKnight - Urban Christian Fiction Today - Rhonda is a writer worth emulating and she's an editor too and you know how hard it is to find that combo? Very.

Coach Felicia Pratt - I Complete Me - Such a sweet person. She's just getting going but she's clearly got a vision and a message for moms in particular about finding themselves in the hustle and bustle.

Virtual Assistant Angel (that's her web name) - The Corner Office - I was amazed by Angel who is a blogger I follow. (Look for her in my followers.) She got her business up and running AND has employees in I won't even tell you the amount of time! Awesome.

Web magazine editor Diedra Chatman - Noir Mommies - Deidra knows what she wants and never hesitated about the steps she's taken. Like Carrie, she's independent and unstoppable.

Product developer Jennifer Covello - Frittabello - Fun person with a fun product - a journal for the first 5 years of your child's life. She's selling in stores and already getting accolades and it's barely been 2 years.

I am so inspired by these women and it's been fun talking to all of them. I have more on tap and some previous to them who I now need to call since I revamped by questioning. Some of these moms blog, like Angel and Felicia. I'm stalking them. You should too. Some of these moms are also on Twitter, like Jennifer and Diedra. Shoot. I need to go make sure I'm following them everywhere they are myself!

I can't wait to share what they shared with me for my book. I can't wait to talk to some more moms next week. If you are a mom and you want to start a business but you have a job, that's no reason to not move forward. It really depends on how much you want to do it and if you are open to the unknown. The first step is truly knowing who you are, how you do things, what you want to do and why. And even the what doesn't have to be crystal clear just yet. You can research that. It's all about being true to you while being the mother/wife/significant other/employee that you are. You were created for a purpose and frankly, while I know it's not easy and we all have different priorities, I don't believe God intended for you to hide your light under a bushel at any point in your life. It may need to manifest differently according to whatever is going on at that time, but no matter where you are or what you are doing, take the time to shine.

I need to talk to 68 more moms for my book. Moms who created businesses while working a job and taking care of a family. I want to talk to you if you feel successful, whatever success means to you. That means you don't have to be profitable yet. I just want to know you know you are on your road and have some wisdom to share. Should I be talking to you? Here I am. Contact me.

October Optimism

We've been busy - Bizzy Girl and I. Last Saturday we trekked back up to Hartford with our designing friend who I don't think I named for blogging purposes. I shall dub her Graphic Guru because she really is a great designer and co-creative force for part of my business. It's good to be surrounded by like minds.

The three of us have given Hartford much play lately. (And if you've been to Hartford, you'll know that's saying a lot. It can be a depressing sight.) Twice last month we drove up for the Get Motivated Seminar and the Women's Expo, which I still have to tell you more about. Bizzy Girl went back there later on for a 2-day financial workshop precipitated by the seminar. And this past weekend was a website seminar also the result of said seminar. We have truly been riding the wave of that seminar, let me tell you.

We went. We listened. We critiqued with discriminating ears because we have MUCH experience in websites and how they should operate at best, as well as the cost to get them done. We were promised free websites just for going but once we saw all we could get - the analyzing features that are available - we left there with paid sites, more enthusiasm than ever and me? I was slightly cringing because I knew the work ahead. I had done much of it before. But I knew this time we had Bizzy Girl's sister as long-distance help in getting the site together. We also knew the value of what we were getting and now going to be able to do (and the crazy good price we got on it). It's worth the time and effort it's going to take to get this ball rolling.

Last week, our young photographer showed us the product shots she did and they are fantastic. She's making adjustments to some of them and I can't wait to see the finished products. It won't be easy implementing the vision I have for the site but it WILL happen. Hopefully before 2010 but a launch of Jan. 1, 2010 is a goal worth setting. I'm going to be busy for the rest of this year.

October is proving to be interesting.

• I am heavily into my interviews for my book. (76 more mommies needed please!)
• I am heavily into the website redesign, WITH some new photos awaiting upload. (Nope. Not gonna Facebook those. You'll have to wait!)
• I am restructuring my and the kids' life insurance policies after discovering they are not going to do what I wanted them to do and that is going to save me money I can now reinvest in my kids' 529 plans as well as my Roth IRA. (My financial adviser is going to love me.)
• I am, consequently, killing a good percentage of debt and hopefully shifting that in a way that will lift a load for good and finally allow me to focus more on today and tomorrow with just a slight nod to yesterday as I get rid of it faster than expected.
• This week, we'll be reassessing the business itself and getting a clearer plan in place with a little help from an expert.
• And at the end of the month, 2 days of training on how to effectively use all the tools our website offers and really make it the success it's meant to be.

I'm feeling pretty good about the work ahead and I think I may even look into 1 or 2 additional streams of income as I work toward my ultimate goal - freedom to be me. I'm 39 later this year. 40 is coming. I am blessed to still love my job but I want to be emancipated before too long. There is much work ahead but this time last month, it was just a long-standing vision. Now it's a vision with an evolving plan of action. It feels good.

You want something different? Do something different.

Here I Grow Again

I did it again. I signed up for NaNoWriMo but not because I am a glutton for punishment. Instead I recently went to hear author and coach Jen Sincero at a workshop given by one of my networking groups. She was talking about book proposals, which I have finished, and as I listened to her, I thought about the comments I got on my proposal by an agent who was gracious enough to read it. What the agent wanted to see was certainly doable and was actually my next step for the book anyway, so here I am listening to Jen whose newsletters I get but I never expected to meet since she lives in California. I am also reading Tamara Lowe's book Get Motivated! and I can barely get through a chapter because every time she says to do something, I do it! This time she said to set a short-term goal - work on the next step of my book! - and to use our motivational DNA to help define how we'll accomplish that goal. What's motivational DNA? Basically the traits you possess that make you want to do what you do. (Really, you just have to read her book but if that's questionable for you, start with this test. It's gotten my co-workers really intrigued so far. If you stop at question 21, you'll have completed the part needed to do the test.) And just to tease you further, this was the result of my test:

Monica’s Motivational DNA Type is: PVI

(Production-Variety-Internal) The Visionary

Visionaries are persistent, energetic and confident. They are able to organize people and projects. Visionaries exhibit strong leadership potential and react quickly to crisis. Creative thinkers, Visionaries have the ability to craft a vision and get others excited about it. They enjoy working on multiple projects at the same time and like to be involved in exploring alternative concepts. Farsighted and imaginative, Visionaries are good at finding original solutions to difficult problems. Visionaries enjoy change and thrive under pressure. They have the ability to shift gears and turn on a dime. They are confident in their ability to master new skills. Visionaries enjoy challenge and desire personal growth. Visionaries want to know that their work matters and desire to “go where no man has gone before.”

PVI Motivators: Inspiring work environment, opportunity to originate and initiate ideas, peer respect, credit for work accomplished and a strong sense of mission.

PVI De-Motivators: Rigid structure, routine, delays, time-consuming details and bureaucracy.

Very on point. I gave the test to Mr. T. He's CSE - The Chief and it too was on point. Interesting stuff, I tell ya.

Ramble, ramble, Monica. Long story short, the agent said she wanted to see certain things. Tamara said set a goal. Jen said, "You can do it!" and so now I'm looking for mothers to interview who have started their own businesses from scratch all while working a job. They can be at any stage of the game but I want moms who feel successful at this and the definition of success is up to the mom. After all, we are all motivated differently, right?

So if I should be talking to you for my book, then YOU should be letting me know that!

Bittersweet Moment

Jobs you love are hard to come by. And when you love the people you work with too, you're doubly blessed. I've been blessed to have made really great friends at every job I've had so far and I stay in touch with them all. This one will be no exception as my little editorial group says so long now to one of our backbones who has watched amazing opportunities blossom in her and her husband's life, as it will for all of us in time.

See ya later, Kerri. (She's the one in the middle.) Enjoy this next phase of your life. Enjoy all the big and little things to come as much as we enjoyed having you in our lives in person. Back into the blogosphere you go but not without our hearts. We'll IM all our jokes and latest videos obsessions. We'll tell you about all the office mishaps and the community babies we are all watching grow up. When the dapper fella reveals yet another talent, you'll be among the first to know. Of course we'll be seeing you so it's not like it's forever. Just for now. Be good. Be happy. Have fun.

A Little History Lesson

I am not a history buff in any way, shape or form but I had to say a little something right now. Son called me to tell me some silly 3rd grader on the school bus told him that African-Americans aren't s**t. Self-hatred is a sad, pervasive thing. It was a stupid comment and one that no child would say unless they heard it somewhere from someone they trust, respect, idolize, whatever. Now this is unfortunately not the first time I've heard some people of Jamaican descent distance themselves from the blacks in this country. Maybe that child wasn't a citizen? No idea. But it bugs me to no end to hear this type of stuff. We went to Jamaica on our honeymoon and I got the clear picture that OUR ancestors stopped there just like some came here.

So I ran over to www.discoverjamaica.com and pulled a little history to share because really, I don't care to go into this stuff too much. Just make a quick point and move on. And FYI, I really wouldn't mind the perspective of a Jamaican on this. Explain this to me, please.

In 1494 on May 4, Christopher Columbus arrived at the island of Jamaica. This was on his second voyage to the New World, which was afterwards called America. Columbus annexed the island in the name of his master and mistress. the King and Queen of Spain. But it was not occupied until Juan de Esquivel came from Santo Domingo in 1509. and for 146 years Jamaica remained a Spanish colony.

Jamaica was then inhabited by a gentle race of people called the Arawaks or Tainos. They had probably come from the country now known as Guyana, where Arawak Indians are still to be found....But the Spaniards made slaves of them and put them to difficult tasks. The Spaniards treated the Arawaks so harshly that in about fifty years all of them were dead. They had numbered fully sixty thousand. The Spaniards got slaves from Africa to take their place....In 1664 the first House of Assembly was called together. It consisted of twenty members elected by the people. It met at Spanish Town and passed 45 laws for the government of the colony....

Sir Thomas Modyford arrived from Barbados with a thousand settlers. He was a Barbadian planter and had once governed Barbados before he was sent to Jamaica as Governor. He helped and protected the English buccaneers under Henry Morgan who had moved to Port Royal from Tortuga. The ships and the plunder they brought vastly enriched Port Royal. Modyford encouraged agriculture, especially the cultivation of cocoa and the sugar-cane. During this time a large number of slaves were brought from Africa to Jamaica. However, the slave trade with Jamaica had commenced before this date.

Guyana, a region (state, I believe) that combines South American and Caribbean ancestry. And the culture of Jamaica:

Demography. The population in 1998 was 2.75 million. Fifty-three percent of the population resides in urban areas. The population is 90 percent black, 1 percent East Indian, and 7 percent mixed, with a few whites and Chinese. The black demographic category includes the descendants of African slaves, postslavery indentured laborers, and people of mixed ancestry. The East Indians and Chinese arrived as indentured laborers.

Note the word slaves. Where did those slaves come from? Here:


Clear?

The point? If you look even remotely like me, despite all the different groups that compose the black race as we are today, there is a HUGE chance that you are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. And our mother? Africa. Deal with it.

Moving on.

Skating Skills and Lack Other Thrills

Son went to a skating party this weekend. It was his second in a few months.

"I think I found my special talent, mommy!"

"You were looking for a talent? I didn't know one was missing."

"It's skating. I did 3 tricks. I was really good at it!"

"That's great, baby! But you know you weren't talentless, don't you? You're only 9. It's ok to not have it all together yet but if this is it, then congratulations."

"Can you get me skates for Christmas?"

"I'll think about it."

This is the same boy who looked at his energetic little sister at the bus stop last week and said to me, "I want what she has."

"Huh? What did she sneak out of the house this time," I asked trying to see over his head.

"Her sense of adventure."

My eyes hurt from looking at him weird but I had to smile.

"Her sense of adventure?"

"She's not afraid of anything! I want to be like that."

Sigh.

"It's ok to be YOU, Son. Her 'sense of adventure' cause me heart attacks sometimes."

"I wish I could just suck it out of her."

Um, slightly disturbing?

"You think before you leap, Son, and sure, you may hold yourself back a tad that way, but you do think and when you want to do something you do. You'll probably grow braver as you grow older anyway. It's ok."

My extra sensitive child, fighting some inner battle to be better than he is when there is nothing wrong with the way he is. Hmm. Now that I think of it, I think I'll have to try to reconfirm that tonight but I've been down this road. No matter what I say, he doesn't see any of the things in himself that I see in him. Maybe one day.

Back to School Part II and More

I'm still trying to figure out what's going on with the month of September. It's a month full of all sorts of activities and possibilities from what I can feel and from what I am told. I really have no idea what to expect from one moment to the next. I do know a lot of stuff is going on with people around me and I am simply doing my best to go with the flow this month.

For instance, Daughter and Son finally got their beloved items from my parents. I was looking for one box but three arrived and not all at once. Two boxes one day and about 4 days later, the third box arrived with the highly coveted backpacks. Except Mr. T took a look at Son's and saw it was too small for his needs so he's sticking with what he has. Mr. T had just bought it about a month before school ended so it was still new enough. Daughter got her Jonas Brothers and all is right with the world.


And speaking of the kidlets, Mr. T says Daughter is an old woman because she just lost another tooth.


See that one in the middle at the top? That one is loose now too. Go figure. Son had two teeth pulled himself just last week. There's one of them on the bottom left there.


They're beginning to look like baby hillbillies (No offense to the hillbillies of the world who are proud gummers.) and I am rapidly running out of $1 bills as everyone pretends the Tooth Fairy is real but we all know mommy is losing sleep waiting on the baby hillbillies to conk out.

There are also lots of changes at work as co-workers come and go - more in this month than any other in the four years I've been here. Some changes I still am not at liberty to divulge to the world (but it has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME so calm down!). Work will be an interesting place too for a while.

And the business? Well, last week, Bizzy Girl and a friend of ours, who has partnered with us for the greeting card line, all went to get inspired at a Get Motivated seminar in Hartford and that was really quite a treat. I heard words from Joe Montana, Laura Bush, Rudy Giuliani and Colin Powell. All cool. Colin Powell is actually quite funny. But the people who had me on the edge of my seat were ones I had never heard of before - Tamara Lowe (I'm buying her book right after this), James Smith (this man is hilarious. That's him over there with the folded arms.), Phil Town, Zig Ziggler (whose name seemed to ring a bell) and Krish Dhanam (captivating despite his harmless look down there on the lower left). And the unexpected icing on the cake is that the majority of these previously unknown people credited God with their success. So very unexpected. Tamara (the lady in blue up there on the right) went as far as to tell the antsy ones to bear with her while she told the people who really needed it the prayer they needed to say in order make Jesus their savior. (And if you comment negatively about mixing God into these business-like things, it's going to fall on deaf ears and I'll delete it anyway so why waste your time?)

My friends and I were thrilled. We are used to being in the world but not of it. Just like we are used to being black females who worked (or have worked) in predominately white environments. It's just part of our reality. And these truly motivational words these people shared would have motivated us anyway. But because they spoke the words through their faith - our shared faith - it made the whole thing even easier to consume. I highly recommend you check these people out if you ever get the chance. And the profits from Tamara's book - ALL of the profits - are going to support various charities. A woman after my own heart.

After all that dynamic speaking on Wednesday, my same friends and I all trekked to Hartford this past weekend for the Women's Expo. Our first major, 2-day expo at which we were going to be vendors. This was not inexpensive to do but we had to try. I won't go into detail about this just yet. It deserves a post all it's own. But I will say it is very tiring to do these things and we learned quite a bit, which I will share with you as well. Nevertheless, it was fun if only because I haven't laughed so hard or slept so deeply in quite awhile and sharing a hotel room with Bizzy Girl and our partner in success was an experience worth repeating. I even got a short story out of the deal. It has something to do with blond hairs showing up in the oddest of places. (Yet another future blog post!) Oh! And our newest fun find? Fresh Company located in Hartford. I bought two fun bracelets from them (here's one of them below) and their prices are fantastic. Tell them I sent you!


Stay tuned for more from the expo!

Back to School Part 1

Day 1 of first grade for Daughter and 4th for Son, and yes, we started on time this time. But the school bus? (See link there.) The new driver is trying the route from two years ago! Can someone please inject some status quo here?

Anyhow, for Daughter, it's business as usual. Even the glasses, newly acquired in June, are becoming a fixture. For Son, it's all good except he has to be on a new lunch schedule with the 4th-6th graders. "It's later," he says. Hopefully that's all that really means to him.





See, this post is just Part 1 because when the kids came back from my parents' house, their new stuff was sent separately to keep from adding to the weight of the luggage. And that means Daughter did not get to start the year with the Jonas Brothers in tow, like she wanted, although I did get her a Jonas Brother lunchbox and that more than made her happy. Still, I'll have to remember to do a before and after shot once the beloved bags arrive because school just won't be the same without the pop trio on her back. (Roll eyes here.)

Can't wait to get home! Yeah sure, I do want to know about their day but more importantly, I don't know how to pronounce Daughter's teacher's name so I'm eager to find out!

Zzzzzz

Sigh. Time to get back on the ball.

What have I been doing? Absolutely nothing. Sure, we all went down south for a family reunion. Sure, the man and I went on our dinner cruise, watched a ton of movies, went to dinner enough to last the rest of the year, shopped for bedroom furniture and generally sat around the house looking at each other. But for the most part, while the kids were away, it was work and home and out to dinner and back to work and sleeping on the weekend and running errands and work again.

No writing. Little new business, just maintaining things. Little social networking. I disappeared on my critique group. (Sorry, guys. I still love you!) I'm STILL catching up to emails in my business account. My personal one hasn't seen me in about 3 weeks.

When the cats are away, the mice...sleep. And eat. And play a little too. That's all, folks. But the cats? Well, my parents kept them busy. I think they barely missed us.


















Mr. T is picking them up as I type. I can't wait to squeeze their little cheeks. Thankfully, they are still both young enough to want me to touch them. I just hope they remembered to pack my energy so they can bring it back to me. School starts Monday. I should be awake by then. Going back to sleep now.

Hanging with Mr. T

Oh the silence. It really is a wonderful, boring, lonely, still wonderful thing.

I am always glad to let the kids toddle off for the month to be with my parents where they have the chance to see people from both sides of my family since most of them are in Georgia, Florida and Louisiana. Mr. T wasn't too keen on the idea the first time we did it. Son was 2 at the time so I could understand not wanting to let go, but since I had done the same thing growing up I could see the value of it so I told him he had no choice in the matter. (Yeah yeah. Communication, compromise, blah, blah, blah. Sometimes a spouse has to just shut up and deal with it.) I knew he grew up surrounded by extended family and had no idea what it was like for those of us who didn't, but he'd come to appreciate the "vacation" in time. And he has.

The challenge of course is to always remember that when you have kids and they take most of your time over the years, you run the risk of finding yourself married to a stranger one day down the road when the kids are gone for good. That is unless you take deliberate steps to stay connected despite the kids' schedules and needs. I think it's a necessity - for the sake of your marriage as well as your kids' future relationships, they need to see you two still dig each other. And that means time alone sometime. I think Mr. T and I having had seven years together before marriage and kids came into play helps us out a lot now when we find ourselves alone again.

We went out to dinner this weekend and I told him, "We have to be careful that we don't talk about the kids TOO much." Then we proceeded to talk about the kids - cleaning out their messy closets while they are away; the kind of people they may be one day; why every year at this time of year, many people ask us if there will be a baby #3. I think maybe we're both superstitious about this last one thing and don't want to say anything one way or the other so we just keep going forward and enjoying our time alone. It's pretty easy for us to go back into dating mode but I know it's not easy for everyone since some people never have alone time with their spouses and others get the time but then twiddle their thumbs wondering what to do with it.

Come on, ya'll. It's not that hard. Be creative! Or just allow yourselves to simply remember what it was like to date - except without all the game playing, uncertainty and insecurity. Here's a short list and anyone can feel free to add to it - but be, hmmm, decent, ok? My mother reads this!

1. do I need to spell out the really obvious top of the list? Just be sure you're ok with the possible consequences of pretending to be rabbits, ok? ;-)
2. go to the movies, a play, etc.
3. go to dinner
4. go to the zoo, park or some other outside place
5. go to a museum
6. go on a dinner cruise (mystery, jazz, etc.)
7. go for a drive to some part of the state you never/rarely see
8. plan a real away vacation at the same time as the kids' vacation (mine are still wishing they were with us for that one)
9. do all the typical chores but do them together
10. visit/hang out with friends (I confess. My friends know I tend to disappear about now.)
    
11. rent every movie you can't watch with your kids
12. a lot of daytime stuff is even better at night, so stay up late then go out and do stuff!
13. Go play a game like bowling or pool
    
14. Send each other text messages all day if you have to be apart (what you say is none of my business but when it comes to flirting, this counts and you may find yourself right back at #1)

Mr T. and I are food, movies and travel people, thus the list. But we're always open to suggestions!

So, I came out of my hole to do a quick post, lest I neglect my little blog, and if you'll excuse me, I have to go back into hiding with my husband now. I miss him.

Stepping Up My Technical Game

I am a blogger. Yes I am. But I am not heavy duty. I don't vlog (yet). I don't carry a little camera everywhere I go so I can take great photos to share with you. Wait. I have a cell phone so yes! Yes I DO carry a little camera everywhere I go. Score one for me! So I guess I just need the ability to easily video tape now and I can add a little spice to my blog's life. Kerri said I must go to BlogHer next year because it's in NY and so, I will try because she's right - I should go. Because I am a blogger - allegedly.

I will get the blog look updated too. Hopefully before October and that will help keep things fresh and me interested in what I am doing. (I do bore easily so I need things to at least look different from time to time.) Yes. These changes are planned but not before I finish paying for recent car repairs. And not before I buy a new cell phone a whole 6 or more months early. (Think I'm going with the LG EnV3 this time around but color choices are pathetic so if I can't do better than slate blue by October 4th, then slate blue it will be and I'll have to get covers for the variety of it.)

Now what will I vlog about? Hmm. I don't have a cartoon life like some people I know. (They know who they are.) Nothing really happens to me that leaves you going, "What the heck?! That really happened?" I don't think I'm a particularly strange person. Controlling? Yes. Opinionated? Very. Overall, I think I'm a nice person with a mean streak when I'm really annoyed. And I am a perfectionist. None of this makes for interesting video fodder. Thankfully, I have very entertaining children. That does help. But basically, I'm just...me.

Today, for instance, I am going to leave work and go to another mall to return a top I got that I was hoping matched a purple gypsy (prairie, call it what you will) skirt. It's one of those skirts where the color is light at the top and gets darker as it goes down. I adore the skirt and of course the color because I can never have too much purple in my life, but I couldn't find anything to go with it when I bought it at that wonderful sale price. "Aw, I'll find something." It's been a hunt every since and I HATE shopping (as I get older, my tolerance level for this activity drops more and more.) so this has been one big pain in the butt. If you did not know this already, not all purple is created equal. I think summer white is the only thing you can buy in pieces and know it will work with another summer white piece. Anything else is a crapshoot. So would this be worth vlogging about? Eh, maybe. If I took you shopping with me so I can torture you too while I find purples that don't go with what I have. But that would just make the experience last longer, so I guess you'd have to wait until it was over and I told you whether or not I succeeded.

OK, ok, ok. I got a litle sidetracked. The other technical thing I'd have to do after I finally get a video camera (I already know what to get. I have techies all around me with suggestions.), is figure out the uploading part but I'm not a novice. I'll figure it out. I just don't feeeel like figuring it out. But I do feeeel like making things a little more interesting around here. So I guess I'll go on a little Internet hunt for other little things I can do to make you, my precious reader, oh so happy to come visit me every once in awhile.

And when I get my EnV3, I should be able to take those waiting-room moments to visit all of you a little more regularly too. Because being online all day and all night is just not enough, eh? I must share allll of my life with you! Well, some more of it maybe.

Anyway, got any techie tricks you'd like to share? I'm all ears. But for now, I'm going to go sit in traffic and wish I had a camera so you all could watch me doing nothing but complain about traffic. Oh happy day!

Buying Black

I don't know if you know about Maggie and John Anderson. They are the Chicago couple who have dedicated their money to black-owned businesses for this entire year. It is called The Empowerment Experiment and they are half-way through. I knew about them some time ago but I wasn't keeping close track. However, the idea of keeping black money circulating within black businesses is as ingrained in me as buying American as much as possible or recycling. The couple came back to mind yesterday on the CBS Early Show, probably because it's really close to August, which is Black Business Month according to @ajlovesya over on Twitter and that one was one I didn't know about.

If you missed them on the show yesterday, here's the video, which will hopefully stay available for awhile:


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Now, the one thing Maggie Anderson didn't say in response to Larry Elder that I would have said? "Are you freakin' kidding me?" I mean really. If anyone is naive enough to think that Jews don't spend with Jews and Asians don't spend with Asians and Hispanics don't spend with Hispanics then please, go off to some mountaintop to live alone with your ignorance. Of course they do! And no one is calling it racism when they do. They simply understand the value of culture and supporting their own. I am certain many of them and others of different groups at a minimum look to do business with their own first. Of course they do! It's like choosing someone over your own family to not do it. The difference is they may not make a public announcement they are doing it like the Andersons have and so no one calls them on it. Women are publicly supporting women, as we should and as I do, but I haven't heard cries of sexism. What pisses me off is when black people choose to do something others have been doing for a lifetime, suddenly we are being racist, sexist, elitist, whatever.

Here's the thing: What the Andersons are doing is very difficult. The fact is black-owned businesses are not one every corner. Hair dressers and barbers, funeral homes, churches - those are black-owned/run in abundance. Most other businesses/institutions are not. The Andersons at least have a black-owned grocery store in the vicinity. If there is one in CT, I couldn't tell you where it is. So you see, it's a big, not-so-cheap thing to do this experiment. A very big thing. And to do it is not to say they choose to sacrifice quality or customer service or anything a good business should have. Instead, I'll bet you it forces some black businesses who aren't already operating that way to get their acts straight because they are getting attention and it's good for business.

Bizzy Girl and I absolutely seek to work with our own as much as possible. In some places we've been successful. In other places, it didn't work out. So we look until we find the people - of any race - who we feel we can work with. We happily work with a variety of people but in our business and well as in our personal lives, when choosing who you will associate with in any manner, there is an order and you can't tell me it's not the same for everyone - black, Christian and female are top three for us and this order can change. Barring those categories, we want to work with American companies and keep things as close to home as we can. Family friendly matters to us as well. It's not unheard of to be selective in this manner, so why try to make it sound like the Andersons are doing something that will divide people?

As I know I've said in the past, the black race is a fractured, wounded group. We must uplift each other whenever we can. We are so far removed from the greatness we hail from that even ancestral memory is lacking and getting back that former glory must be an intentional action. We have a black president now to help remind us of this. We have people like George Fraser who have been pushing for years for us to understand the power within ourselves, advocating multiple streams of income and business ownership. The Andersons are just one of many people doing what has been the mission for as long as I can remember. Instead of criticizing this - especially black people. Come on now, black people, don't choose to malign your own. - we can choose to celebrate this not just as a race. Every race can choose to uplift their own and we can also choose to uplift each other as Americans. No one needs to be excluded. This is simply work on self that needs to be done. You know how they say you can't love others until you first learn to love yourself? Charity begins at home? That is what this is and there is no reason to apologize for it.

If you have not yet watched the CNBC special Black in America Part 2 (I don't think you can see it online yet), it would behoove you to do so and remember the power of the people.

Blurred Vision

I've been pondering the whole see-it-say-it-create-it belief system. I do believe in it but I think it has some caveats worth paying attention to. I was talking with a friend one night last week about how much clearer things are for me these days - I can see the life I want better than ever but it's not entirely in focus yet. It's enough for me to have something to build on but it's not yet crystal clear. It's like standing at Penn Station (or a million different places in D.C.) and clearly seeing the Washington Monument. But there are streets to navigate and a whole mall in between, as well as lines to wait in. It's not necessarily a straight shot to get there once you arrive at that train stop and start heading in that direction.

My friend thought it wasn't a good thing to not see it clearly. I understood why she said that. A lot of people say it, after all. Normally you need to clearly see your vision in order to obtain it. The more in focus it is, the better your focus can be on the goal. But I had to think about that a second. I had experience with focusing on a vision and I knew that at least once in my life, I had passions and desires to do a myriad of seemingly random things that may have appeared to others to be me simply occupying my own time in a strange city I did not grow up or attend college in. When I first started work on a master's in Religious Studies my father asked me what I was going to do with the degree. "Beats me. I only know I can do a chaplain internship through this program and I'm going to pay for it all myself, one class at a time." Eleven classes and I don't know how many years later, I got to the point where I needed to write my thesis and be done. One day I'll do that. But I got what I wanted - the chaplain experience.

At the same time I was volunteering with AmeriCorps and worked for a social service agency during the day while I was working my regular, full-time night job as a copy editor. I was the editor of and one of the writers for my church newsletter for five years during this time. "What are you going to do with these things?" is a question I got a lot. I'd only smile and say, "beats me. I just know I want to do this." But here's my question back: Why does one always have to know what they are going to do?

Passions are there to help propel you to a greater goal of which you know nothing about. Only God knows. I believe that following your heart/passions is always worthwhile, even if you can't always see where you are going and even if it seems like a really pointless pursuit to the rest of the world or even to yourself.

So I thought about my friend's comment about a clear goal and I finally surmised that a clear goal can sometimes work against you. I think if you always know the exact end, you may possibly be a little lazy in the work to get to that end. I mean, if you knew the end, risks wouldn't be risks but sure things and isn't the excitement in the risk sometimes? If you knew the exact end, wouldn't the road essentially be easy, not the obstacle-ridden path that builds patience, character and wisdom? If the end is always clearly in view, would you even go the direction that has those unexpected sidetracks that lead to something unexpectedly fruitful? And then, consequently, if you're so busy knowing the end and not working toward the unknown, can you ever get to that end?

I'm thinking you have to have a vision, it just doesn't always have to be a clear one. But having that vision isn't enough. You have to be willing to follow your heart's map to get there and open to dealing with the surprises along the way. About 11 years after I started doing those myriad of things that never quite flowed together on a resume, I learned of a job with a start-up company that made my eyes go wide as I read about the job duties and type of person they sought. Everything I had done up until that moment had come together in that one position. I couldn't have purposely prepared for it if I tried. The start-up has been my best job venture to date (It's been 4 years now) as it not only utilizes all the things I love to do but I watch entrepreneurship at its best as I continue to build my own business.

Right now I can still see generalities when it comes to my future, though some specifics have gotten very clear this year. I still don't know exactly how I'm going to get to the Promised Land and admittedly, the desert is a scary place so I may be intentionally closing my eyes to some things. But I know I will get there and I know blind trust is a huge part of how I'll get there and I'm OK with that.

Can You Stand to See More?

I love to watch Clean House. I don't know how they do it - see the huge mess and not get overwhelmed. Maybe because they have each other to spur the process on. It's always painful to change and purge but so far I can only think of one really odd woman who hated the whole thing and wanted to go back to her mess.

At the end, when things are clean and the family has seen the first room and nearly fallen out from the transformation, the host - Niecy Nash - usually asks, "Can you STAND to see more?" I love seeing it every time. So that's my question to the world right now - Can you stand to see more?

I went looking at my old posts, worried that I has not written my prediction for the year thus having no proof of things to come. But I did! Whew! I did say something in my Dream Weaving post back in January. For more years than I know now for sure, I have been telling my friends - one in particular who lives in this weird world with me - what kind of year was ahead. I might say it in December. I might say it in January. I just wait for the feeling to strike and so far it has. Numbers play a role in this. Like 2007, for instance. 7 means completion, biblically speaking. Did anything finish for you in that year? And in 2008 we have new beginnings. I have a friend who asked, "Can a beginning be anything other than new?" Well, technically, I suppose not, but consider the times when you THOUGHT you had ended something and it came back. That would not be a new beginning. But when it is done, really done. That is the new. Anything new start up for you in 2008?

Then there is this year. The 9 is about judgment and finality. My own spin on it is that this is the year of life-altering changes. The kind of stuff that leaves you catching flies with your mouth. (Gross!) The kind of stuff you hoped for but never thought would happen. The kind of stuff you hoped would never happen but consequences must always be played out. There is no getting around it. So this is that kind of year where you reap what you sow and you better hope it was good stuff you sowed.

What's happened so far? Well, just look around you! Did you really predict icons like Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett dying on the same day? (By the way, this is one of the pictures of MJ that I prefer.) Ed McMahon earlier that week? I thought it was done because it was 3 after all but loads of people knew Billy Mays too (you know, the OxyClean guy?) and he was a shocker as well.

I have a friend whose husband sold a movie script. It had been a long time coming and she was truly hanging in by being the one with the job with the benefits and still doing her personal pursuits while cheering him on while he did his more theatrical ones, all while working wherever he could (he's not lazy, ya'll). And after who knows how long of giving his due, he finally got what he deserved and I can only imagine the life changes that will come out of this for them. I couldn't be more thrilled. I have another friend - the one who lives in this weird world of numbers with me - and her place of employment is undergoing major layoffs. She's not worried. She's been dealing with major injustice on said job for years and it's all coming to a head when? This year. I have a co-worker who just got engaged to another co-worker and I don't know if she saw it coming - because we all certainly watched it all happen (breakup included) and were still shocked to hear the news - but this certainly counts as a major change in her life this year.

I'm sure everyone has their story. Me? My irons are still in the fire and lots of stuff is still simmering but we have 6 months to go so I'm not worried. We've been building up the business to the major expo we are doing in September so that's where I'm looking for change, but this year has indeed been our best ever for the business and we are really happy about it. Overall, it's been fun just watching the stuff going on around me.

So what's the plan? What is it that you are still waiting to hear about? What is it that's happened to you this year that left you stunned in a good or bad way? What are you still praying about? There are still six precious months to go and that's a long time yet. Can you stand to see more?

Next Stop: Home

I'm having one of those days. Those days where I dream about what would be ideal to me - at least right now. After doing not a blessed thing on Saturday, I spent Sunday morning cleaning my refrigerator and doing at least 5 loads of laundry, all before we went to church. Then taking Mr. T out for a Father's Day dinner after which we came home, I washed Daughter's hair then spent all of He's Just Not That Into You and a little bit of the beginning of Madea Goes To Jail twisting her hair so I wouldn't have to do it for at least 2 weeks. All the while, another 6 or 7 loads of laundry were being done (last 2 were done this morning). I was tired but I felt accomplished too because I really like things to be in order around me.

Then this morning, I got up wishing I were already at work; wishing I could stay home to do whatever else I needed to do at home as it came up but I'm not the SAHM personality so it wouldn't be me being strictly a housewife, but me being a WAHM instead. What if I could focus on Village Works full time? What if I could take care of home too so no one's mess would drive me insane because I'd be there to manage it? Could we have another baby then? Hey, I may even be willing to cook! (But don't press your luck there.)

This morning, this last week of school, I watched the kids run to the bus stop and it was nice to think of Daughter leaving kindergarten soon and Son entering 4th grade next school year. They are such kids now, both of them. Son already has as much of a life as I will let him have at his age and Daughter is vying for her own too. And the more they have lives of their own, the more Mr. T and I can have one yet, for a brief moment, I thought to myself, "I wonder if Mr. T is ready for Tax Deduction #3." I could have asked him. He was right there in the house lounging around the bedroom watching the news. But I didn't want to know his answer. This isn't ideal. I don't want my business to have another maternity leave. It's had 2 already, between Bizzy Girl's and my 3 kids. It needs us to stick around this time. This time it would be way better if the job was my own business and I had to balance that proverbial baby and a real one. It would be much more doable and I wouldn't need to sacrifice nearly as much as if I had a job, a business and a new baby because the business would be the one to suffer.

A friend saw one of our recent puzzle jobs and told Bizzy Girl that we really need to be making the leap into doing this full-time. "You have so many ideas," he gushed. Yeah, we do and he's not the first to tell us this - friends, customers, acquaintances. It's also not the first time we thought of it. What it is, is the first time it's felt like a real possibility. But it wouldn't be easy to do. Mr. T is not the leaping sort and Bizzy Girl is a single mom so she has to leap with much forethought. The more people you are responsible for/to, the bigger your lifeboat needs to be. But if things got to a place where I could make that transition, and Bizzy Girl could have a serious PT income until she was ready to do the same, then you'd know we really worked hard to get it that way. We won't know until January just how far we've come but I don't need a map to tell me we've come miles in one year alone. Our destination has got to be just up ahead.

Baby's Got Bat

Or he was. It's over now. Baseball season is over. Son's team played their first playoff game on Sunday...and it was their last. They lost. After playing 13 games this season and losing 2 of those games, they became the team to beat. One of the coaches from another team was watching. We were watching. They tried. But the other team had a pretty good pitcher and they could barely hit the balls. What ya gonna do? One of their issues, to me, was how hard it was for them to pump themselves up until they were clearly in the lead. Then they could take the enthusiasm and run. I wished they could realize how much they had grown as a team. Sigh. I wanted so much for them to go all the way. They had had a great season. They deserved to go all the way. I may be more upset for them than they are! But Son wants to keep playing and that is a win for me as well as himself - one day. He continues to learn he can't win all the time and even though it's a great lesson, I'll be glad when the obligatory lesson is done and I can say, "Hey Son. It's NICE to win!" OK, I'll say it sooner rather than later. Because it IS nice. In the meanwhile, I'll patiently wait for the next season and see how that goes. See how Son grows. I'm happy that he at least doesn't give up on things he wants to do. He's quite the winner, you know.

It Takes One To Keep The Other's Mother From Going Insane

Last night as I talked on the phone with a friend of mine, Son kept coming at me with homework that he didn't understand and no matter what I said, he didn't get it. As usual he answered similar problems around it correctly but he just couldn't get one in particular. I didn't want to be frustrated anymore.

"Go to bed. You'll see it differently in the morning," I told him. I went back to my friend on the phone as Son went to bed. He was back a minute later. And kept coming back. Each time with the wrong answer.

"Son, you don't understand and you are not understanding me. I don't want to do this anymore and I don't want to get angry. Go to bed and look at it fresh in the morning."

He left.

Then came back. Repeatedly. Needless to say I was losing it and my friend, who experiences a lot of the same with her stepdaughter, chuckled. "He's back?"

"He won't quit!"

She knew my frustration with trying to figure out how to help without enabling him.

Tonight we found ourselves back on the subject of his homework. I was in my car talking to her after getting home from work, not quite ready to be plunged into homework hell.

"Oh that's right," I told her. "You don't know what the problem was because I was trying not to say too much last night." So I told her the problem he was struggling with at that time.

"The problem said '12 doughnuts make a dozen. You have 2 1/2 dozen doughnuts. How many doughnuts do you have?' " I further explained how he gave multiple answers but his very first answer had been 25. "Because of the 1 from the half, he told me. You know, the 1 from the top of the fraction?"

"He thought it was 25," she repeated.

"Yeah."

I heard her silent thinking. "Ohhh," she exclaimed. "He thought it was 1/2 of one doughnut and then half of another doughnut make one!" She laughed at her answer as she insisted that was it.

As I sat in confused silence, she kept laughing. "Girl, where the HECK did your brain just go to," I asked.

"I don't know! But that's how I think!" It's not off the wall. She and Son were both born in March. That little bit of info is not lost on me. She's heard me talk about his drama and she relates because she is dramatic too; we agreed she had drama down pat, but not in a negative way that annoys me. She just shows her emotions in a big way and she is one of the most genuine people I know. Hmm. So is he, when I think about it.

"Why," I asked. "Why did you think that? What does this mean? Why did you go off to some weird detail like that?"

She still couldn't explain it. "Go ask him," she insisted. "See what he says and call me back. I'm telling you that's what he thinks!"

"Fine. I'll call you back."

Never before have I been so enthused by the possibility of dealing with homework I can't effectively explain to him.

He was watching TV when I came in. As usual, homework was "all done except for a couple I need help with." But I was too anxious to deal with the new homework yet. "Did you get the answer to that question today?"

"Yes. My teacher told me."

"But remember you first thought it was 25? Why?"

"Because I thought it was one."

"One?"

"Well, you know, I thought it was half a doughnut," he explained as he drew half an invisible doughnut in the air. My eyes got big and I could barely talk from laughing.

"Wait. So you mean half a doughnut from one group and half a doughnut from the other group and you put them together and get one?"

"Umm hmm," he replied with a most serious look on his face.

"Oh my goodness," was all I could say.

"What?"

"My friend understands you." But he had no clue what I meant.

I called her back and told her the story. "He said what YOU said! What the heck am I supposed to do with this way of thinking?!"

"I don't know," she answered, cracking up at her accuracy. We laughed as we talked about just how very different we were and yet she and I understood each other perfectly from day one, which is why we always worked together so well. It gave me hope that I'd see his vision too one day.

So I tested my new understanding with the homework of the night.

"Ben has three pancakes and 2 sisters. He wants to give them each the same amount. How many pancakes do they each get?"

After first telling me that 3 wasn't an even number, with me responding that they absolutely can have an equal amount, he thought and brightened. "They have half?"

"Half? They each get half a pancake?" It wasn't odd that he was on the right track. He's always on the right track then goes wildly in some other direction.

"Nooo, three halfs."

"3/2? That's not the fraction, Son."

"No," he said again. "Three halfs," he explained. I knew it was going to be some skewed version of what was in my head so I waited. "You know, you take a stack of pancakes and cut them in half? Three halves."

All I could do was smile. After two more wrong answers - "Give them each one and I eat the other? Give them each one and throw the other away?" - I decided to draw a mental picture.

"Son, put three pancakes in your hands." He nodded.

"Sit the girls down at the table." He nodded.

"Give them each a pancake." He nodded.

"What's left?"

"One."

"Now what do you do?"

"Ohh! Cut it in half."

"What do you have?"

"A whole and a half."

And me? Maybe I get a whole new way to meet him halfway as we look for common ground. Thank God for friends who can help me bridge the gap.

The New Girl

The dawn of a new day - the day Daughter starts wearing glasses. It's not the glasses, though, but how much older it suddenly made her. It's still a little weird for me but as you can see, she's handling it like the new accessory it is - complete with cute blue eyeglass case.

Quick Update

• Been changing my photo all over the place and forgot to do it here. So I just did. See?
• Sunday, Son's team lost their second game evah. They are still winners to us. I'm sure we'll see ya'll at the playoffs!
• Daughter wants to be a cheerleader. God help me.
• Village Works is officially blogging because we kinda have to with all that's been going on. You can visit us here: Village Works Piece By Piece.
• It's a brand new month and a chance to try to do a ton more things. Including get our website redesign going AND a blog redesign. Oh yeah, baby. Time for a change there too.
  

Happy June everyone!