Blurred Vision

I've been pondering the whole see-it-say-it-create-it belief system. I do believe in it but I think it has some caveats worth paying attention to. I was talking with a friend one night last week about how much clearer things are for me these days - I can see the life I want better than ever but it's not entirely in focus yet. It's enough for me to have something to build on but it's not yet crystal clear. It's like standing at Penn Station (or a million different places in D.C.) and clearly seeing the Washington Monument. But there are streets to navigate and a whole mall in between, as well as lines to wait in. It's not necessarily a straight shot to get there once you arrive at that train stop and start heading in that direction.

My friend thought it wasn't a good thing to not see it clearly. I understood why she said that. A lot of people say it, after all. Normally you need to clearly see your vision in order to obtain it. The more in focus it is, the better your focus can be on the goal. But I had to think about that a second. I had experience with focusing on a vision and I knew that at least once in my life, I had passions and desires to do a myriad of seemingly random things that may have appeared to others to be me simply occupying my own time in a strange city I did not grow up or attend college in. When I first started work on a master's in Religious Studies my father asked me what I was going to do with the degree. "Beats me. I only know I can do a chaplain internship through this program and I'm going to pay for it all myself, one class at a time." Eleven classes and I don't know how many years later, I got to the point where I needed to write my thesis and be done. One day I'll do that. But I got what I wanted - the chaplain experience.

At the same time I was volunteering with AmeriCorps and worked for a social service agency during the day while I was working my regular, full-time night job as a copy editor. I was the editor of and one of the writers for my church newsletter for five years during this time. "What are you going to do with these things?" is a question I got a lot. I'd only smile and say, "beats me. I just know I want to do this." But here's my question back: Why does one always have to know what they are going to do?

Passions are there to help propel you to a greater goal of which you know nothing about. Only God knows. I believe that following your heart/passions is always worthwhile, even if you can't always see where you are going and even if it seems like a really pointless pursuit to the rest of the world or even to yourself.

So I thought about my friend's comment about a clear goal and I finally surmised that a clear goal can sometimes work against you. I think if you always know the exact end, you may possibly be a little lazy in the work to get to that end. I mean, if you knew the end, risks wouldn't be risks but sure things and isn't the excitement in the risk sometimes? If you knew the exact end, wouldn't the road essentially be easy, not the obstacle-ridden path that builds patience, character and wisdom? If the end is always clearly in view, would you even go the direction that has those unexpected sidetracks that lead to something unexpectedly fruitful? And then, consequently, if you're so busy knowing the end and not working toward the unknown, can you ever get to that end?

I'm thinking you have to have a vision, it just doesn't always have to be a clear one. But having that vision isn't enough. You have to be willing to follow your heart's map to get there and open to dealing with the surprises along the way. About 11 years after I started doing those myriad of things that never quite flowed together on a resume, I learned of a job with a start-up company that made my eyes go wide as I read about the job duties and type of person they sought. Everything I had done up until that moment had come together in that one position. I couldn't have purposely prepared for it if I tried. The start-up has been my best job venture to date (It's been 4 years now) as it not only utilizes all the things I love to do but I watch entrepreneurship at its best as I continue to build my own business.

Right now I can still see generalities when it comes to my future, though some specifics have gotten very clear this year. I still don't know exactly how I'm going to get to the Promised Land and admittedly, the desert is a scary place so I may be intentionally closing my eyes to some things. But I know I will get there and I know blind trust is a huge part of how I'll get there and I'm OK with that.

Inspiration Strikes

As Monica used to say, just one of them days. Monica, the singer, not me in third person, silly.

But when I say one of them days, I don't mean one of them days where Murphy's Law is holding court. It's the other end of the spectrum where I am feeling all kinds of inspired and I am sure it's because I am trying to keep myself focused on the business. Now that I have my treadmill back in my clutches as it should be, I have been walking again after the kids go to sleep. And with the warmer weather, maybe I can head back outside but for today I have my precious machine. I have to turn the TV up really loud though so I can walk and watch but everyone upstairs seems to be sleeping through it.

One of those walking evenings, when nothing was on, I found "The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch." I had heard of the show long ago and always wanted to check it out but never did until recently. It's really an inspirational show and it comes on not only at 10 at CNBC but at 1 in the morning so I can tape it without interfering with something else that may be on the taping agenda earlier that evening.

I am loving this show, I must say. Donny's constant reminder to do what you love, passion etc. reminded me of my favorite preacher, Dr. Myles Munroe who is all about passion and purpose as God instilled it in us - if you're willing to listen to it, that is. Then there are my business meetings, which are OK but a little lacking for me sometimes. Still, it adds to my life, not detracts, so the meetings stay.

My most recent meeting reminded me of the trip Bizzy Girl and I took to Atlanta a couple of years ago. She took the class of a business coach who really impressed her. That coach was the man one of my associates spoke of last night. As he explained how he would be working with him now and what the expected financial return would be, I remembered one of the things Bizzy Girl had told me he spoke about in their session - write a book. It doesn't have to be huge or complicated. Just something to help solidify your expertise in your business and to help get your name out there. I have actually been pondering for years on this - what can I write when it comes to my puzzles? Then last night it came back to me again as I told Bizzy Girl of the meeting - what can I write? What can I write? Wait a minute. The point is to write. I don't HAVE to write on puzzles. At least not right now. I already have something business related that I started about 2 years ago. I've been researching it all this time as I brought up the topic in meetings or asked a question here and there of our various speakers. I've been making mental notes of the people I want to talk to about this so I can work them into my book.

I don't need to think of a topic. I actually already have one started and another one in idea stage. Now, the last thing I said here is no more writing for now, correct? I did say that. I did mean that. But I told you it was part of me, didn't I? I can't escape it! Only this IS about business. And it could still be a help to my business just to have this out there.

So I'm looking at it again. Reading through, making more notes, thinking about the people I still want to approach to add some more flavor to it. Thinking about who could copy edit it for me (this is where it's good to be in the field!) and then who could edit it - yes, there is a difference.

I'm feeling all sorts of inspired by it again because this is not something new, another idea to develop. This one is already nearly 100 pages strong so I don't feel like I have a long way to go. Plus it still keep the business front and center, a happy medium.

Oh my dear Writing. You just can't stay away, can you? Well, that's OK. Everything I do always comes back to you anyway. So let's see what happens.