Savoring the Thought of Success

My partner is afraid of success. Can't blame her. It's an exotic dish that you have to know how to swallow or it may kill you. So, fear is a good thing. But the fear makes her freeze, well it's only thin ice maybe. For instance, because of one of my groups, we have a very real chance to be on one of my favorite shows - The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch - if I ever want to get us there. That freaks her out. I therefore have to pretend like nothing is happening and be the one who is scared too but keep heading toward it anyway. I hate bugs so I scoot them out of my house or look for my husband. My kids hate bugs. No husband around? Mommy becomes a killer. We all do what we have to do.

We have to succeed. We will. That's a given. Just a matter of when.

The timing of things lately has been interesting and the opportunities have been nothing short of miraculous. Store owners who know us or have worked with us already are making space for us - for free - simply because they believe in what we are doing. Prices to produce things are rock bottom as a result. Vending opportunities are coming right at the very moment new projects are finishing. Quirky friends are making it big in their own right and sharing the wealth - simply because they want to do that with us. Other friends we haven't seen in a while are literally walking into our lives the very moment we think we need to contact them for something.

Right now it's all a jumble what needs to be done and for who and when. There is much to sort out very quickly in order to get on the shelves, in racks and hopefully into very influential hands. And why do I want this? Why do WE want this? Because we love what we do and believe in it, but even more so because we so desperately want to give back in droves what others have given us over the years to help us.

It's not easy doing this when you have a family and a full-time job, I admit. I'd love to sleep more but it's hard to sleep when ideas are stomping about in your head demanding attention. Someone once said, "I can sleep when I'm dead," right? Well, I don't want to wait quite that long. Still, I've got to keep pushing. We do. We all do. I love this so very much because this whole endeavor started with three of us and the 3rd person was never gone, only preoccupied with other things. She's back with a vengeance and to succeed in a major way right now with her fully in the picture would just be the cherry on the sundae. We would have come full circle.

Tonight I go to dinner with a friend and chill for a moment before diving back into all the logistics that need to be worked out this very week. My goodness! Look at the time. Thanksgiving is next week already?

I'm late! I'm late! Back down the rabbit hole I go.

He Is Born

It is official. I am an aunt. Happy birthday, baby!

It's a Laptop, Baby!

A new laptop today, a new nephew tomorrow? Awesome!

God is great. Joining the PTA - again - netted me a much-coveted prize ever since Mr. T. sold his laptop earlier this year. The PTA had a membership drive and was raffling off a Dell laptop. I won. (Interestingly enough, I won my Dell desktop too a few years back in a raffle for people who had perfect attendance in the business workshop I took.) Now I have my own, which I sorely needed due to the impending side gig. I am finally at phase 3 over a month after I first sent my resume to them. It's not them, though. Twice I had to have 3-hour blocks of time to take the test and that's not easy to find during a typical week let alone the crazy ones I've had lately. But now I am laptop happy and can go back to wandering the house to do what I need to do instead of sitting at a desk. I suppose it may be the fact that I am already sorta tied to a desk all day that makes me resent doing it at night too. And with Son taking over more and more every day, I need to see what he sees a little easier than I do right now. So tonight I go play with it and hopefully it has wireless already so I don't have to buy a card.

And speaking of buying, I've got to jump online tonight to get what I was going to buy my new nephew. He wasn't due for another week but his mom needed to be induced because he is apparently smaller than he should be and they think he would be better out than in. So my guess is he'll be here tomorrow - maybe tonight! - and November will forever be the month the U.S. made history and my family got another boy to carry on the family name.

Can't wait!

Let the Healing Begin

You know, my blog is supposed to be about me trying to juggle everything in my life, and there are things coming at me - trying to get things organized regarding our newest puzzles and greeting card project; our stress in refinancing our mortgage (well, the stress in finding my MIA accountant lately to get what we need to get the process going); my neverending online job interview in my quest to get a gig I can do from home whenever I feel like it because there is simply never enough money these days. It's life, therefore la la la la, it goes on. But lately the election has taken over my blog just like it has the rest of the world. Of course now the election is over - YES! - but issues remain. Well, one issue in particular and I thought I'd see what I could do with it.

I was talking with someone after the election.

PERSON: Isn't it great? The whole world is watching. It's such an exciting time!

ME: Yeah, it's fantastic. It's really great for my people. We really needed this.

PERSON: Yeah, but it's really good for everyone, you know?

ME: Absolutely! But it's also a fantastic thing for the African-American community.

I forget what she said after this. I just smiled at her and let her think I was the clueless one.

I said it in my previous post, I'm not trying to keep the racial divide alive but the cards are on the table and we may as well look at them. Everyone is trying to be in a unifying mood, right? Well, denial is not productive. Do you want to understand this thing or not? Because I can't fully explain no matter how hard I try and I can't expect everyone to fully get it. But do you want to try? Well listen up.

The African-American community is a large and diverse one and I cannot speak for us all nor do I want to so don't think you can ask me to. No generality will ever suffice either. That being said, culturally we are a private people who don't want our business in the street. What happens at home stays there. This is part of the reason we aren't big on therapy. Again, this is collective. Plenty of us endorse therapy, do it, give it.

The fact that there are issues in our community isn't a secret, I don't think. But is this brand new day one that excludes racial issues? Nope. Don't be so naïve as to think it does. We took a gigantic leap forward, that's for sure and it's a healing thing for our community to see this. But it's not a cure. Just the start. Hatred toward us and within us toward ourselves continue.

Case in point 1. Ralph Nader and his wondering if Obama will be an Uncle Sam or an Uncle Tom? I think he may have thought he was speaking on behalf of minorities. I think he mispoke.

Case in point 2. Watch this lovely little Journey's video.

That happened in 2008. Think no one is going to call President-Elect Obama this name? I promise you he knows people do.

Case in point 3. Talked to my mother after the election. She lives in one of those red states and she helped at the polls. When trying to get people to register to vote - and why are there still people over 18 who aren't anyway? - she was met with a variety of reasons why they couldn't do it such as, "I might get called for jury duty." And there was a really good one, "It might affect my paycheck." Huh? Want to know the best reason of all? Well, some of the people worked for a powerful white man who successfully threatened them with, "If you vote, I will know."

Again, this is 2008 folks. Starting to grasp what we are still dealing with? No? Ok here's a little of how we think on a daily basis without even trying - I've shared some of this before:

1 - Someone was arrested for a crime. "Oh Lord, please don't let it be a black person." It was. ::collective groan::

2 - We are accepted OR rejected for something. "Was it because I am black?" That's right, even when something good happens, we can never be too sure it's not because someone had a quota to fill and therefore we wonder if our merits were good enough on their own or not? This is more likely to be when the situation involved people we don't know or who don't know us.

3 - One too many "helpful" people come up to you in a store. "Are they following me thinking I am going to steal something?" Sometimes, that's precisely the reason. Yes, in 2008.

4 - "All rise to say the pledge of allegiance." So we do and maybe we say something or maybe we don't. But can we look at an American flag and not think betrayal and past wrongs? Nope. The red is the blood of the dark (represented by blue) people who were trampled by the whites once upon a time. Not just us, either. We know that. That red represents our red brothers and sisters as well.

5 - Ever started a new job and noticed how many people of your race are around you? We do. Every time. Generally - at least on the corporate level - we are one of a handful, if we're lucky. One of 2 usually. Me? It's me and a Latina and, for a year now, our wonderful intern from Tobago.

Some of this is the daily reality of some of us. Much of this is instinct. We don't train our kids to think this way - not all of us, anyway. I know no one trained ME to think this way. To be aware, yes, but to be suspicious of so much? No. But I suppose self-preservation is something that can be picked up even without words.

I do not consider myself hypersensitive. Nor are my friends. Nor are my parents. But for certain they would all agree that we have a lot of baggage we carry around and while we don't want it, it is there nevertheless, popping open when we least expect it. If you have any sort of baggage - and you do - then you will understand how this works. So don't tell me, "Just get over it, already." If it were that easy it would have been done by now.

I mentioned already the concerns of African-American parents in raising our children to be in the world but not scarred by it, at least not when it comes to something beyond our control like skin color - Michael Jackson aside.

So are you getting close to figuring out why Barack Obama's win is a good thing for everyone but we, as a people, REALLY needed this? Why it doesn't take away from anyone else at all or the victory we all shared, it's simply something that is personal and healing for us as a people? I hope you do see it as just that - a personal issue - and don't try to take that away from us with comments such as, "Time's have changed!" and "Look on the bright side." Instead, if someone does share that with you, feel free to listen and commiserate. Got a true similar experience? You might be able to share it if you have that kind of relationship where the other person already feels you are a trusted friend. Otherwise, listening is enough. Really.

It's simply going to take time and a willingness to be healed before this issue will really be a thing of the past. I personally think the first steps to accepting that healing have to be made by us. But I just don't know if it will be done this side of heaven. One thing is for sure, communication is opening up a bit more and that is good. A black man in the White House may cause some bigots to feel free to express their hostility a little more openly. That could be good too if only because we'll all really know who we are dealing with.

I am choosing to emphasize even more to my children that only they limit themselves. I am going to continue to look at this new beginning with the optimism I still feel, so in love with my people and now my country too.

OK. Time for a new topic.

Yes, He Did

Yesterday, to raise a black child in this world, you had to know the fine art of instilling hope and optimism while teaching reality and skepticism.

Yesterday, my people went to work and took tiny steps toward their individual goals with the dreams, blood, sweat and tears of our ancestors in the back of their minds, clothed in the garments, hair and sometimes the speech of the people we thought we needed to be like in order to succeed.

Yesterday, apathy was the order of the day.

Yesterday, wrong was right and morals were left behind.

Yesterday, you could not have convinced me that real, defining change will take hold of this nation while I am alive to see it.

Yesterday is gone.

TODAY, children like my soon-to-be nephew will be born into a world where it's normal for people of color and women to be as much in power as white men.

TODAY, black parents can say, "You can be president someday if you want to" and they - and their children - will believe it.

TODAY, being a black male who does well in school will be greatly admired instead of teased.

TODAY, there is no more "talking white" but just the respected ability to communicate.

Hear me, my friends. This win is a win for EVERYONE but first and foremost, for me, this win is the breath of life MY people needed. I do not say this to keep the racial divide alive. I say it because we are part of this country - helped to build it - but we were sick and tired and angry and hopeless and divided among ourselves. We, as a people, needed to be reinvigorated in order to be on one accord with everyone else, thus making us able to celebrate with you instead of feeling animosity toward you. The chain is only as strong as its weakest link. African-Americans are one of the links and Barack Obama, along with his beautiful and intelligent wife, Michelle, helped strengthen us for the sake of the whole.

You want to know the beauty of this miraculous event? Even those who hate the thought of this man as president will get to reap the rewards of us working together and choosing to set aside the things that make us different (and, by the way, special) and focusing instead on the things that make us the same. One of those things being this country we live in. Whether you are rich or poor or black or white, don't we ALL want the best for our children? Don't we ALL want to lead lives of purpose and fulfillment as well as have the option to just do whatever the heck we we want to do sometimes? Don't we ALL want to retire while we are healthy and have the money to do so? Don't we ALL want to be able to go to the doctor when we are sick and not when we are too desperate to wait another second? Don't we ALL want to know peace?

It's no question that I guarded my heart with this man. I saw the possibility of him winning becoming more and more real but I know all too well that we can get close and have victory snatched away. I needed to hear them all say - Barak Obama is the 44th President of the United States of America. Then I could let it go. I would only then be free to tell all of you who don't really know just how much it hurts a parent to place any limits on their child, even though that was never the goal. For their safety, you had to surround them with bumpers, constantly hovering to catch them in case they fell into the wrong situation. Now, we only need to say, "Yes, you can."

Suddenly the playing field has been leveled even for those of us that have already been in the game for a while. Even better, this man's election simply removed blindfolds for many of us because the way it should be was the way it could have been all along if we took the time to recognize it. Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore and thank God for it!

This man is the best in ALL of us. His family is the picture of how a family should be. His marriage is the definition of support no matter what. His cool demeanor is alllll jazz, baby. And we are babies in this world, finally learning to walk and the rest of the globe is supporting us. That too feels good.

Black people. Remember the determination our enslaved forefathers and mothers carried on their backs, never to be beaten away? Remember the struggles for common humanity our grandparents reminisced about with that sadness in their voices? Remember the sacrifices our hardworking parents made, forcing many of us to be latchkey kids? Remember that Dream Dr. King so eloquently spoke into history? Though we could feel it, we couldn't see what was in their heart but here it is. This is it. This is that dream personified. Now we all know.

I wish I were a fly on the wall of the gangbangers' lair. I wish I were a little birdie on the windowsill of the incarcerated brothers who know better but chose worse because jail is preferable to the streets or to a minimum wage job. I wish I were a goldfish in the bowl of that black frat house, hearing them mull over this new road that has opened before them. A freshly paved road that takes them to a moral high ground that was once too treacherous to climb.

So why did Obama win, the critics ask?

Because even the people who thought they were beyond the power of cynicism were dragged into the depths of frustration that too many of us already live in daily. Even the ones who did not know or did not choose to acknowledge that the price for equality was more than most people could afford, found out that when one of us gets hurts we all suffer. God allowed the blind to see and the marginalized to find hope again. Obama won because he pointed the way out and enough people realized it would be stupid and self-destructive to not listen.

Listen to this video. Over and over. Hear those voices in unison. Allow yourself to feel that hope, people. And resolve that you too will make the sacrifices needed to advance us all.

It's a brand new day folk. And I am so very, very proud to be an American right now. I am even prouder still of our children for whom ancestral memory is clearly intact and who heard this call, answering with a resounding, "Yes, we can!"

Can You Feel A Brand New Day?

Today's the day and I am on pins and needles, bouncing on the inside, anxious to get home and watch the news until the whole shebang is finally over. I've said it twice already - It's like Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve all rolled into one. The anticipation of the gift of a new president and new sense of direction. The dawning of a new time. It's hard to even write this. Just. So. Much. Stuff.

Kids are excited, man. People who never voted before are coming out to vote. People are choosing to wait in long lines in the dark and cold and they are NOT complaining. It is awesome. I got up at 4:30 because I wanted to be there at 6 to get my vote done and to not have to needlessly deal with a crazy long line after work. The kids are out of school today so they went with me. They know the names Obama and McCain and I admit, it's not because I've been talking non-stop about either of them. You know where they are hearing stuff? From other kids in school. Son's class did a vote. Most voted Obama, he said. Daughter says no to McCain because "he takes money." She thinks because he has money, he stole it. "No, Daughter. He's wealthy and so is Obama, actually, though it might not be quite the same amount. It's OK if people have money. It's not bad." In line they sang their own Obama-Yes-McCain-No song. And actually, I have some stupid cold/allergy thing going on so I just wanted to get out of the cold so my nose would open up again. Other than that, the feeling in the air was amazing.

I got more texts before 8 a.m. than I've ever gotten before. My brother is forward texting a prayer that Obama is protected and I second that with my prayer that we ALL keep our cool no matter what. Everywhere I turn it seems Obama is the man all over the place. I don't normally care what celebs endorse but I've been thinking maybe I'm just not paying attention but what celeb has come out to publicly endorse McCain so far? Obama is getting it right and left - politically and literally - but McCain? Interesting. The idea that that race may FINALLY become a lesser issue? Fantastic.

This time is simply like no other. Watching the news this morning while I waited for Mr. T to take over the kids so I could go to work, I listened to Eric Michael Dyson as Matt Laurer finally brought the race issue all the way to the front - because really, I think we've been doing our best not to tackle fully that just yet. But time's up so let's call it out. Basically Matt wondered what it would say if he won and if he didn't. So I'll let you listen to that yourself - after you get past the commercial:

In case you need the lyrics:

Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

(McCain supporters)
McCain’s the best candidate
With Palin as his running mate
They’ll fight for gun rights, pro life,
The conservative right
Our future is bright
Better economy in site
And all the world will feel our military might

(Obama supporters)
But McCain and Bush are real close right
They vote alike and keep it tight
Obama’s new, he’s younger too
The Middle Class he will help you
He’ll bring a change, he’s got the brains
McCain and Bush are just the same
You are to blame, Iraq’s a shame
Four more years would be insane

Lower your Taxes - you know Obama Won’t
PROTECT THE LOWER CLASS - You know McCain won’t!
Have enough experience - you know that they don’t
STOP GLOBAL WARMING - you know that you won’t

I want Obama
FORGET OBAMA
Stick with McCain and you’re going to have some drama
We need it
HE’LL BRING IT
He’ll be it
YOU’LL SEE IT
We’ll do it
GET TO IT
Let’s move it
DO IT!

Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

I’m talking big pipe lines, and low gas prices
Below $2.00 that would be nice

But to do it right we gotta start today
Finding renewable ways that are here to stay

I want Obama
FORGET OBAMA,
Stick wit McCain you gone have some drama
MORE WAR IN IRAQ
Iran he will attack
CAN’T BRING OUR TROOPS BACK
We gotta vote Barack!

Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

Waiting to Party Like It's 1999

First, a moment of silence for Madelyn Dunham, Barack Obama's grandmother.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/politics/obama/chi-obama-grandmother-madelyn-dunham,0,2249369.story

I've said it often and I'll say it again. Grandparents are crucial in the development of a child. For everyone who has theirs, thank God for it. I know mine were - and one still is - awesome.

Now.

I am so excited. More than I have ever been during an election year. And part of that excitement is for the usual reason - I am thinking my choice is going to win this and that is beyond exciting. The other part? I am just so ready for this thing to be over with already! I am tired of it. I am glad for it but tired of it. I am anxious to go vote tomorrow but not looking forward to the potential wait either. My plan is to be there for when the polls open at 6 a.m. and that means dragging the kids with me since Mr. T won't be able to be with them. But since they don't have school, I don't mind disrupting their sleep. My hope is that I can be among the first to get in there and get done. And then I can go home, make popcorn and watch the news all night long. Know the last time that happened? NEVER!

I don't know why Connecticut doesn't have early voting and I haven't had a chance to go figure out exactly what the difference is between early voting and absentee voting. But it's not fair. Why can't all the states have that option? At least during a Presidential election and definitely for one as big as this. Everyone knows this is huge. Somebody could have made an exception this year. But, we'll forgo sleep and hopefully skip a long line to go get the deed done and then bug people all day to make sure they did they same.

I may have blogged about 2008 back when the year changed. (I have to go see.) But if you don't recall, 2008 was set to be a year of major changes. That's what the number 8 means - New Beginnings. For me, it's one sign that Obama is the pick. Want to know another sign? McCain's latest ad trying once again to make it seem controversial to pick Obama because of who he knew or knows or met on a random street one day. If they are drudging out that old Rev. Wright issue again, they must be desperate. And it also goes to show how out of touch McCain is when it comes to non-whites because Rev. Wright didn't say anything that many of us black folk haven't already heard in our own churches. But what people need to understand is that this kind of racial talk is not about white folk. It's about healing black folk and getting us all to understand that we must stand on our own power and stop blaming white people for our problems. The anger is still there and to pretend like it isn't is naïve. But there is also work toward community healing going on. A boosting of the collective self-esteem. Obama would be a huge boost indeed.

It's been a great year so far - even if I do have to refinance my mortgage this month. (It went up twice already and a new mortgage will send it up a little more. Whoopie! Feeling the effects of that bailout probably.) I think things will end on a very interesting note.

Tomorrow night is going to be like waiting on New Year's Day to dawn. I have seen a lot of major changes in my lifetime already - cell phones, personal computers, the Internet. How cool that I get to witness one that the whole world has been waiting for forever.

Need More Proof?

More ringing endorsements from people who are stepping up to the plate.

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Get in the Game

For some reason the code I need to embed this won't pop up for me so I'll just say, here's a little video for you. And you can click when you are up to it.

So, I was just wondering. Are you one of those people who is still on the fence regarding who to vote for this Nov. 4th? I was just wondering - why? When the choice was Hillary or Barack, OK. I could see some confusion about what the real differences were other than the obvious. But that's a done deal now. So now you're still wondering Obama or McCain. Why? Because their beliefs are so much alike? Because their backgrounds are so similar? Because the differences in what they vow to do in office are negligible? I honestly can't understand not knowing by now - 13 days away. I've voted a few times now and I've done the lesser-of-2-evils kind of voting. I can see that. But this time? Really? You still don't know?

Now I presume you've heard all the debates and/or read articles and/or visited their websites and/or watched their infomercials and/or discussed all this with umpteen people at work and everywhere. I am guessing you can get the news from wherever you are so you do hear that too.

I'm curious. If you are on the fence and you come across my blog, will you be willing to share why you stay on the fence? I'm truly curious about what it could be that's got you so unsure. Now if it's that you just don't believe in sharing who your choice is, that's not on the fence. That's just being private and that's your right. I don't mind telling you my vote goes to Barack Obama because this is one of those times when I think it helps some people to know they are not alone in making this "radical" choice. I am curious though. Even the Bible will tell you that you must choose. There is no lukewarm, only hot or cold.

My concern? Whatever side you choose, you need to show it by actually voting. Lip service is not enough. And don't wait until the end of the day if you can help it. First thing in the morning. Take your children. Set your cell phone alarm to remind you if you have to wait until the end of the day. Or go on your lunch hour. A friend said we should get Nov. 4th off as a holiday so there are no excuses. I totally agree. It will be interesting to see how many people say Obama and then back out at the last minute - aka The Bradley Effect you've been hearing about - or even how many swear McCain but in their heart say Obama - The Reverse Bradley Effect. It's going to be interesting to see how many voting issues come up and claims of wrongdoing. Will it be another month-and-a-half-long counting process? Will it be a landslide? Will you get off the fence and go vote?

The world shall see. Watch that video yet?

Quick P.S.: Obama is awesome but remember he is NOT God. He is just a man trying to make a difference and to expect anyone to go in and save us all is unrealistic. Great if it happened, but maybe you shouldn't get your hopes up. It has taken years upon years to get to where we are. It is unfair to expect anyone to clean it up in just 4 years. Taxes go up whether they say they won't raise them or not. People lose jobs whether they say they will save the economy or not. Global warming continues whether we drill offshore or suddenly find all kinds of new ways to create safe, clean energy for ourselves. Take your realism to the voting booth with you. You are voting for the person who you truly think is going to try to do what they say they will and who best represents the majority of your interests. No one can represent your EVERY interest. All this goes for McCain too. Who would you want to work with on fixing our present state? Pick him.

Race Matters

I love this and I hate this. My brother forwarded this to me recently and it's fitting because I know it is on the minds of every black person who sees the significance of this but no one wants to utter it out loud too much. No one wants to make too many waves and get this brother off course.



The email that came with it said:

What must it feel like?
To carry the hopes and dreams of an entire race of people on your shoulders? As much as I hate to say it, I know beyond a doubt that the next four weeks are going to be nasty. He's leading, and there are people who simply cannot stomach the idea of his beautiful family living in the White House. There is going to be smears, slander and lies, the likes of which you¢ve probably rarely seen. So ya'll, we got to pray for this man. And please . . . make sure you VOTE!!!

And so we wait. This is a scary place for any black person who cares about their people. This man DESERVES to win. But the burden on him, whether he articulates it or not, is not just to help this country as a whole. He has the perception of our race in his hands. Whether any of us like it or not. We are excited for him and scared for him. To fail hurts us all. To succeed puts his life in jeopardy. It's not fair and we HATE to think like this. But we do without even trying, without being taught. It is ancestral memory at its best. When he wins, we will all hold our collective breath for four years praying he makes it through and does not do anything any worse than any other president has done. But here's the thing - he can't do anything wrong. He does not have that luxury. He's got to be damn near perfect. It's not fair. Still, it's the reality of being black in this country and YES, it is the reality in 2008 whether you were born a minute ago or a lifetime ago. It is what we still have to teach our African-American babies. It is what they know instinctively as well. (Remember Daughter choosing white dolls over black dolls?)

What angers me is knowing for a fact that if Obama were white, there would be fewer people on the fence. And you know why they are there but won't admit to? They like him and what he has to say. After all, it's really no better or worse than any other presidential hopeful as said. It is because he is black that they hesitate. It is because he is half-white that he gets some support. There are those giving lip service but will white entitlement win again and pull the lever when it's time to vote, despite what their common sense is saying? We'll see. It's gonna be close, I'm sure. I wouldn't be surprised if it ended up being so close votes will have to be re-counted. Amazingly, some may disappear or suddenly be found. But I have to check my cynicism and pray that God is saying the time for this foolishness to end is now and no matter how hard "they" try, this deserving man will rise above it all anyway. God works all things together for the good of those who love Him. I'm going to keep looking for the good.

Sigh of the Times

So my friend says, "Blog already!" Well, not those words precisely but close enough. It's not that I have nothing to say. It's that I have no time to say it. My job has been INSANE lately but we have those times. Times of still waters and times when it's all hands on deck, every man and woman doing everything that needs to be done. For at least two solid weeks I could think of nothing but all the stuff I had to do at work and I'd go home wishing I could do some more from home but knowing I needed to chill.

What I NEED is a laptop, much like the one Mr. T. once bought and promptly sold to the first person who asked him if he'd be willing. The freedom of the laptop is that when I get home tired, I just want to sit and let the TV watch me while I maybe work on something for the project we're doing for my business or maybe while I edit some columns to go on the website at my job. What I don't want to do is go all the way back downstairs to sit on my stool and work my way through my email and catch up on a few things. I'd be willing to do that in my bed right before I fell asleep though. So I need a laptop. Again.

But the issue here was time and time is money, right? I have no time, so what does that mean? Yep, not enough money either and I'm about sick of it. As I told said friend, we have money to survive. What we need is money to live. Cub scouts cost. Halloween costumes cost. New earrings for my newly pierced 4-year-old cost. (Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't blog about it. She hounded me and hounded me and I knew she didn't know what she was in for but I didn't want to put fear in her either so I gave in. She tried to jump out of the chair after the first one went in. It took 10 minutes to talk her into the second hole and now she is over the moon.) Anyway, she's turning 5 soon and birthday parties cost. My car REALLY needs help on all fronts. But that costs. Basically, I've been maintaining but it's time to get ahead.

So I thought, what can I do? The business can't help right now. We have 2 FANTASTIC new children's puzzles in the works and when they are done, I will share that with you all as I look for stores to take a chance on them. We do have our printer taking a chance on our holiday cards in his highly trafficked store, though, and we still have the first store we were in, so the potential exposure IS there. We just have to work them - after the artwork is finally done. It's taking longer than I hoped but I anticipate something awesome because both of these women are dynamic artists. The puzzles are election related, however, thus the time concern.

So I keep thinking, what can I do? I can't work outside the home more than I already do. I can't do anything that will require more gas to get there, you know? But I can edit and I can write and that has to be enough. But I am working on my own book and I don't write as much as I'd like for my job due to the millions of other things that need to be done, but I write for them nonetheless. So do I want a third writing job? Not really. Copy editing? A form of writing and very time consuming but doable. You know what's even more doable? Proofreading. Haven't done it since I was temping after I got out of college but I do have that weird gene one has to have to even like this kind of work. I didn't know I had it until after college but I suppose it was like having a disease and just not having the diagnosis until years later. This stuff is in my blood somehow so this is what I do.

I went looking for a proofreading company I can deal with virtually. Took no time to find one but now I had to go looking for my resume again. I updated it 3 years ago after I had been working my new job for a bit but I hadn't done it since. I had different versions for different positions so I had to find the right, well-edited one so I wouldn't have to worry about typos. Then I had to update it.

This morning I sent it off to the guy and I was honest in the cover letter because honesty works for me. Basically, I can do what he's looking for in an editor and proofreader. I can use the programs he wants the person to be able to use. There is one program I don't have or use because I never needed to but I told him if I have just cause, I will buy it and use it. No big deal.

No typos in the email and off it went. It must have taken him 5 minutes to respond. Cool. He was impressed. A far cry from the days when I first started and just needed a chance to get started. I needed a job to get experience but first you had to have experience to get a job. At last, experience is no longer an issue. He sent the preliminary test and it sits waiting for me. I glanced at it and the number of errors in it is making me jumpy but you can't do these things quickly. I intend to take all weekend.

If I make it through this part, there are THREE MORE PARTS, they say. Yikes! Am I sure I don't want to go back to SAT Prep teaching? Naw. Who has time to get re-trained and I don't want to drive all over the state anyway. I want to be with my kids as much as I can. They are so grown. Son has his friends he likes to go see and thankfully those boys' mothers adore him and welcome him when he comes. Daughter is sad thinking Son doesn't have time for her anymore. "He's MY best friend!" she cried recently. I explained that Son had made those friends in kindergarten and now that she was in kindergarten, she'd make her own friends too. "He's not moving out, you know. You'll always have each other." In the meanwhile, she comes home and tells me about all the kids she gives turns to on the schoolbus so they can sit next to her.

My children are social and I don't want to think about what their social lives are going to cost me over the years. I've got my own friends though and it costs to hang out, you know? But hang out with them is what I like to do. And my co-workers have joined that group since just about every wall that SHOULD be up, went down over the past few months. I won't even go into the stuff we've shared - with each other AND our boss! - but I am thankful to work with people I like and can relate to. Of course that's more people to do stuff with (we're going shooting next month. More later.) and that requires disposable funds.

I can't think about the economy or continue to watch my retirement going down in huge chunks like it is right now. I just trust things will work out in the end and I do thank God I have some more time ahead of me for things to rebound. In the meanwhile, I'm praying this at-home stuff works out and that somehow I'll find time for that and puzzles and my own writing and my own life.

This is my sigh of the times.

A Quick Election Word

Thanks to two friends, I have some wonderful video to upload - later. After I get some other stuff under control. I just wanted to take a moment to tell you I got an email from a friend that says this:

PLEASE ADVISE EVERYONE YOU KNOW THAT THEY ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT GO TO THE POLLS WEARING ANY OBAMA SHIRTS, PINS OR HATS . IT IS AGAINST THE LAW AND WILL BE GROUNDS TO HAVE THE POLLING OFFICIALS TURN YOU AWAY. THAT IS CONSIDERED CAMPAIGNING AND NO ONE CAN CAMPAIGN WITH IN CERTAIN AMOUNT OF DISTANCE TO THE POLLS.


THEY ARE BANKING ON US BEING EXCITED AND NOT BEING AWARE OF THIS LONG STANDING LAW !

IF TURNED AWAY THEY THINK YOU WILL NOT GO HOME AND CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES.

PLEASE JUST DON'T WEAR OBAMA GEAR OF ANY SORTS TO THE POLLS!!

PLEASE SHARE THIS INFORMATION ... JUST TRYING TO COVER ALL GROUNDS

Now, this IS partially true so don't ignore it. I always go looking to verify so what I found was this from WKBN Fox News in Ohio:

Planning on wearing your Barack Obama shirt or John McCain pin to the polls November fourth? You might want to pack a change of clothes.

"If someone's wearing a pin or a shirt with a candidate or an issue on it, we ask that person to either remove the pin or cover up their shirt with any campaign material on it", says Tom McCabe, Director of the Mahoning County Board of Elections.

The Pennsylvania Elections Commissioner was recently quoted as saying it's okay to wear shirts, hats, pins and other items promoting candidates and issues in polling places, as long as a voter doesn't try to campaign there. But the final decision is up to the counties, and Mercer County Commissioners say even though a state official says it's all good, they won't allow it. It won't fly in Ohio either.

"It is a gray area in some cases, and with over one hundred polling locations it's so hard to enforce that throughout the day, we do our best", says McCabe.

The gray area falls between campaigning and something called electioneering. Ohio law says no one can campaign within one hundred feet of a polling place, but is wearing a shirt for a specific candidate really campaigning? McCabe says,

"It's important that voters feel no pressure from any campaign, or poll worker, or other voters, and they're free to make their own choices within the polling location."

So the best way to support your candidate on election day is to vote for them, and the sticker you can proudly display at any polling location is the one that says, "I voted today."

"Fortunately with November, the weather will be a little colder so if they do have a t-shirt on, we'll ask them to cover it with their jacket.", says McCabe.

McCabe adds no one will be turned away or denied their right to vote because of their Election Day outfit. The worst case scenario would be a poll worker asking you to cover up, or turn your shirt inside out.

In short, it looks like this really depends on your state, but just in case, be sure you take a jacket. Some people are counting on others' ignorance and looking to exploit that. Obama is ahead. Keep him there. Don't fall for this crap.

1,000 Words

A friend at work sent this around. I loved it.

Eyes Half Closed, I Am Still in The Race

My kids are in school. So why am I the one exhausted already?

I have been trying to make sure to be home by 8 each night so I can have both my ears pulled by their stories and their questions and their list of things they need BY TOMORROW. Checking homework that isn't really in depth just yet. Figuring out who will eat the next day's school lunch and who won't. Covering text books (think I'm done now). Baths, laundry, cleaning in an effort to not be too overwhelmed the next morning. My refrigerator REALLY needs cleaning but there's too much stuff in there right now and I'm too lazy to pull it all out. But maybe I will this weekend. Daughter got a hold of a toy catalog and is regaling me with her Christmas wish list, marking up about 75% of the catalog with things she "needs" and Son "needs" and the back yard is "empty. So we need to get stuff back there so we can play." Yes, your highness.

I have a to-do list at work that is miles long and my own to-do list isn't as long but it's VERY involved. Last night I was hoping to fold laundry and read a little bit while Mr. T watched football. But the business emails I had to go through first took longer than I expected and the laundry was actually 3 loads sitting around waiting for me, because clearly I'm the only one in the whole house who knows how to put seams together and fold.

And then McCain made his speech. I'm curious about him so I listened. It was all I could do not to fall asleep. The speech was uninspired and uninspiring. The man clearly has nothing on his Veep, that's for sure, but he solidified one thing for me - I do NOT want him running the show.

I've got a mortgage to refinance. I've got kids who want the moon. I've got a car that I think wants to retire but it has to keep working for me. I've got a business I can't give the proper time to. I've got a husband who works two jobs and yes, he loves to work, but I hate the thought of him working overtime some days, which means the kids need to get off the school bus at Nana's house and that increases the likelihood of them getting off at the wrong bus stop again and then I'll have TWO misplaced children. I've got a job that I love but that needs a ton of my time - just like everything and everyone else. I don't see McCain being able to empathize with me. Frankly, I don't see Palin in my boat either.

I need debates now. That where the differences will show up. I was just telling a friend earlier that I am glad things have gone the way they have because there's a black man on one side and a woman on the other. If you hate one, you'll go for the other out of spite. But guess what? Racists and sexists all have to bite the bullet on this one because you will get one or the other like it or not, baby. So what's your choice? To forget the unimportant stuff like race and gender, and actually LISTEN to these people and pick the best person for YOU and YOUR family. Maybe hate will spur people to vote! What a concept!

I'll be watching it all through sleepy eyes, I'm sure, but I know I'll be wide awake when it's time to vote. If you haven't registered yet, get your butt in gear. It takes SECONDS and you'd wait longer than that to get into a club or to buy the latest cell phone. Look at your family or just consider your life and make a choice.

McCain and Veep "Palin" Comparison

So I had to say something. I can't let my extreme activity stop me from stating what I think is becoming more and more obvious now: I do believe we are about to get our first African-American president.

It's more real to me now than ever before. I watched the bulk of the Dem convention, although a few days late since I had to tape it when it originally ran. Michelle was compelling. Hillary was convincing. Barack was simply captivating. But will the good old boys stop the show? It looks like even they are being outnumbered. Still, we had to wait to see. And Hillary, by the way, is probably not 100% thrilled that Barack got the nod. She's not supposed to be! The woman has a right to be upset, so let her and let's stop trying to make her pretend it's OK. She lost. Don't be a sore loser, but it's OK to be sad by the loss. Maybe if she admitted it, her posse would stop being so vindictive giving votes to the Republicans just to spite the black man.

Then McCain made his VP pick. At first glance, I thought it a cunning move to grab Hillary's people. I know I didn't see it coming. But as we learned more about this woman, I began to think it was the dumbest thing he could have done. Now, I give him a thumbs up for giving the finger to convention and going with a woman. For people like me, history will be made either way. It's a victory for this country, whether we want to believe it or not. But an unknown from step-state Alaska? Come on! When I think of her, I keep seeing re-runs of Northern Exposure in my head!

She seems smart, capable, personable and all that. But I do NOT want this woman running the country when old McCain has a health issue. And you just KNOW he's going to have health issues. Come on folks. He's OLD! Yes, I'm being ageist right now. Sue me. The man is past retirement. Now is not the time to take on the most stressful job in country! So Palin will run the show when he can't? You think she can? I don't.

And Bush. Making history by being the first President to not show up at his own party's convention in what? 40 some years or something like that? Niiiice.

I tell you it's like McCain is handing the reigns to Obama. And thank you much if you are, dear sir. The choice of Palin does at least make that stupid concern about Barack's experience no longer a matter of such consequence, I say. Now maybe people can focus on his message and not be blinded by his youth. And the fact that her teen-age daughter is pregnant? Who cares! With Laura Bush I must agree. This wouldn't have been an issue if she were a man. Nevertheless, as nice as this woman may be, Palin is no Hillary Clinton and is not an adequate stand in for her. It's amazing that Hillary's own people are being duped into thinking she is.

I just hope the non-voters out there are finally stimulted enough to go out and cast a vote in the most fascinating race in a VERY long time. And with enough of those - on Baracks' side, of course - maybe we can outnumber the vindictive voters, the uninspired uninformed, and racist right-wing and give this country a real chance to find out what it's like to work together for a real change.

Welcome, September

I'm on a break - sort of. It's been another hectic week and I didn't blog (here) and I had about 100 emails to catch up on and a new tool on my job's website just launched and I am basically in charge of running it and my eyes are hurting from my stupid allergeies that didn't come when I was expecting it and I was therefore lulled into a false sense of freedom thinking this was my better allergy year when it was all just delayed until mid-July and continues through right now.

I missed blogging about my kids' first day of school basically because it was all screwed up and it took two days to get it sorted. Daughter had kindergarten orientation on Thursday. She went in for a 20-minute or so tour of her classroom and treasure hunt. She loved it even though she can't seem to remember her teacher's name. That's OK. I keep pronouncing it two different ways myself.

As we prepared to go home, I asked the teacher about all the kids who were there that day. "Oh, it's the first day of school for the rest of the school."

"Excuse me, what?"

You see, the information we got in Daughter's letter from her teacher mentioned that the first full day of school was Friday.

"Oh, that's just the kindergarteners," she said. Yes, of course it is! I hopped on my cell phone while she spoke. "Mr. T. get Son dressed. He's missing his first day of school!"

"It's tomorrow."

"No it isn't! I'm talking to Daughter's teacher right now!"

"But the paper said Friday."

"That's just for the kindergartners. I know. I was confused too. Just get him dressed and we'll switch kids!"

I made sure the office was cool as Daughter and I trotted out to go get her brother. All was well when I brought him in approximately an hour and a half late. "We're just glad he's here now," the office secretary said as she wrote an excused tardy note for him. Funny how she, the principal and Daughter's teacher all had the same it-was-a stupid-mistake-but-we-won't tell-you-that-though-we'll-smile-patronizing-smiles-instead voices. Well, at least Mr. T got confused too. He's as aware as I am when it comes to the kids' needs and school goings-on. At least we were clueless together.

And the next day was no better, I suppose. As we waited for the bus and it didn't come, I called the bus company to make sure the route had not changed. Normally they would be the last ones on, which makes sense since we are close to the school but right at the line between the kids having to get themselves to school (because they are close by) and the school bus being made available. Come to find out, our stop will now be the first stop and we were about 10 minutes late getting there. So, no first day on the school bus pictures for our new kindergartner. I can't care too much. Honestly. There was just so much confusion over those two days and between those two days when our two public school kids came home with folders full of stuff to do and sign and buy (or find in the house). I just needed a break. I haven't really Tweet on Twitter, faced the nation on Facebook, Linked with anyone or socialized on my 3 business networking sites in about a week. What have I been doing? Well, working on my book proposal, which I hope to wrap up tomorrow and chillaxin' with Mr. T whenever possible. I really just needed to do that. Plus my eyes. My tired eyes. My allergic, aching eyes have been plaguing me. But I had to get back here to my neglected blog as she was calling me for days but I've been too busy to answer. I'm here, sweet blog! You're never too far from my heart. I haven't even commented on the Dem convention and McCain's VP pick! You KNOW I have thoughts on those!

I'm kind of glad September is here. It's a fresh month and a fresh start. I can't wait to get started!

Tomorrow.

Time's Up!

Tomorrow I go get the kids. Summer at Camp Grandma must have been really good because this was the first time ever that no one said, "Mommy, when do you come get us?" They are growing up and getting used to it and I'm glad. Mr. T is too. I know he was happy that he was able to take every overtime opportunity that came at him at work, which is good for the bills but takes away from our time. Still, we found our moments so it wasn't a total waste of freedom. Plus, I got a chance to get my book proposal to near completion. I had hoped to have it mailed out today but I found another expert to add to it and I waited to hear from her and some of the others I had already talked to about being in it. So now I'm shooting to mail it on Friday because I really want it moving before September hits. It will have been 3 months and a week since I last talked to the agent and told her I didn't have a proposal yet but I would do one. On that front, time's up as well.

School starts on Friday and Mr. T keeps mentioning Daughter getting on the school bus. I don't recall him mentioning it quite as much when Son went for the first time but it's probably because she is still the baby and there's that whole father/daughter thing I'm sure. He's right. It's a big step. New school; a public school. Riding the school bus. New teacher (for the school as well). New friends. At least she has Son and that makes it easier for me to handle it. Plus she, unlike when Son was in kindergarten and we were living with my MIL, is getting on at the last stop before they hit school, which makes it the first stop home so I know they won't even have to deal with a long ride. I'm looking forward to the new adventure for her but it conjures up thoughts that time will be up in another way as well - deciding on that 3rd kid.

Yeah, God is in charge ultimately but we're not exactly winging it here. Deliberate decisions would still have to be made but that's OK. We have enough on our plates with kindergarten and having to refinance our mortgage soon. I'll just wait until my 38th birthday at the end of the year and see what's what. I told Mr. T about a dream I had recently that I saw some boxes in a store that had my MIL's name on it. They were baby shower gifts being held for her to buy for us. Surely just a random reaction to a topic that stays at the back of my mind. The first part of that dream was he and I running around France trying to catch a cab to the airport to get back home. The only thing we had were the suits we were born in. ;-) Not likely to happen either, right? So I guess nothing is for certain.

Iota Forever

This weekend I reconnected with my sorority. For some people, my being in one may not fit who they think I am. I can understand that. At the time, I wasn't expecting to fit one either. I went to a small college with a minority population of about 10% at the time. We're talking about 300 of us out of 3,000. Of the traditional 4 black Greek sororities that make up the Super 8, only 2 were represented on my campus (Super 8 = the 4 sororities and 4 fraternities that somehow are expected to fit the personalities of the millions of young blacks who may be interested in such an organization. The white groups, on the contrary, are numerous, as it should be. ) I wasn't close enough to another, larger school to even look into the other two sororities that weren't on my campus. I wasn't interested in the two sororities we had. I wasn't interested in joining a white sorority, which I could have done. I also wasn't interested in the nonsense that came with pledging one; i.e. hazing was the norm. I doubt it has gotten much better over the years.

Then one of the financial advisors asked to speak to me one day - I don't recall how she thought of me. Maybe it was my visibility on the campus. She told me about her sorority, Iota Phi Lambda Sorority, Inc. (emphasis on the Inc. please if you're going to say that out loud), and that she was looking to bring a chapter to our campus. She told me about their philosophies and the fact that they normally don't do undergrad chapters but they were looking to expand their membership base. She told me Iota was for business and professional women. She told they weren't part of the Super 8. (I then earned there are LOTS of us black Greeks out there who aren't part of the Super 8.)

Claudia Logan - that was her name - was the type of woman I liked personally so I listened to her and I considered what she said. I met the other girls she had spoken to and we all had one thing in common - none of us were the sorority type. We liked that, though the irony of joining a group because we DID fit in wasn't lost on us. We liked the focus on professionalism that the group had. We were of similar minds and behaviors, and agreed we liked what we heard - we especially liked being the pioneers for the organization on our campus - so we said yes.

We had fun together. We developed our own language. We worked hard to NOT be what we didn't like in other groups. We participated in a Step Show to show the other groups someone new was in town. We truly became sisters except now I only talk to one of them regularly and she keeps tabs on a couple of the others. But I know if we ever get back together again, it will be like no time has passed.

When I graduated and moved back home to Maryland, my focus was on getting a job and figuring out if I could move out on my own. It was tough. After a year, I'd resigned myself to living at home and being glad I could pay bills and save money. I had just started thinking about the rest of my life - possibly dating a guy I had met nearby, joining the local chapter of my sorority - when a full-time opportunity opened up in Connecticut and of course I had to take it because I didn't want to go to Texas where the other two newspaper opportunities were located because, well, let's just say, if I wanted to visit Mexico, it would have taken me all of 5 minutes to get there. Too deep for me.

When I moved here, I kept in touch with one of the sorors from the Maryland chapter I was considering. I learned that the nearest chapter was either a potentially 2-hour trip away in NY or 1 hour away in Hartford. I had just moved to this strange land and one hour seemed like a trip to the moon, despite the fact that I was driving 5 hours on the weekends to go home with no problem at all.

I wasn't interested in exploring beyond my new town and the surrounding ones just yet. In time, I branched out and expanded my horizon to include the neighboring states but I still wasn't ready to go to NY or Hartford for regular meetings of any kind. I was too lazy to do all that driving and soon too busy with a life and new family of my own. After fifteen years now in this state, and it is only now that I have an urge to reacquaint myself with the group I once loved.

So one Saturday I visited a meeting about 1 1/2 hours away at the house of one of the sorors in Hartford. I told them that I was interested in being reinstated but a monthly drive there would not be happening. Maybe every other month. They understood. We just had another meeting recently to discuss the upcoming regional conference which is being hosted by my new chapter and will conveniently be held in Hartford next year. Sitting there with these ladies, having nothing in common beyond our race, gender and Iota, I thought about a friend's recent discussion with her friend and the need to connect to other people. (My friend was on the pro side of this argument.) It's amazing how being in a sorority tears down at least one wall of suspicion and uncertainty we tend to put up when dealing with strangers, even when that stranger is of the same race as you. Sometimes that wall is at least partially torn down, however, when you are in a situation where there may only be a few of you of like same race. In that case, the fraternity is apparent once again.

The divisions I see now are between chapters but the rivalry is friendly and the feelings are mutual when you find yourself in the midst of women all donned in green (preferably kelly) and white. It was funny to listen as one soror spoke about wearing the apparel whenever we do community events - any event - in the name of Iota. She unbuttoned her jacket to reveal a shirt a new vendor had made. She turned around to show the turtle (our unofficial mascot which is all over the place so I don't know why it's not official yet) and the gasps and applause rose up. I was probably one of the youngest in the room. Some of the older ones were retired. But we were all on the same wavelength. I left there feeling glad I had found them again.

So now, as if I needed to add something else to my to-do list, I am back in the fold. I plan to work hard to keep my involvement on a level I can handle. If I had realized it was my chapter's turn to host the regional conference, I might have planned my re-entrance for another time. But then again, I never got the chance to do a lot of this stuff the first time around. Soror Logan died of lung cancer before we graduated. We were devastated and that made it difficult to stay plugged in like we needed to. But I bet you'd she'd be smiling a high-watt smile if she were here now. So happy she would be to know that the seed she planted was more deeply rooted than even I could have predicted. And I was glad too to know that the feeling wasn't superficial. Iota is still as relevant to my life today as I hoped it would be when I pledged 18 years ago, proving that choosing to join a sorority should not be something done frivolously. One should look beyond the pretty colors and popularity of the members to the meaning behind the organization, the fruit of the women who hail from there, and the possibility of what it can provide for you in the future. This is one family you can choose so why not choose someone of which you can be proud?

If you are in a sorority, feel free to show your pride. :-D

A Reason to Stay in Business

This does my puzzling heart good. And it's not even our product! But it's always great to see the puzzle lovers are out there. This man lives in England and this puzzle costs about $300. I love looking at it online. I can just imagine how mesmerizing it is in person!

Eric Smith is celebrating after spending the last six months completing the world's biggest jigsaw.

The 73-year-old used 24,000-pieces to complete the huge 12ft by six puzzle, which now stands proudly in his garage.

During the meticulous 179 day process furniture had to be moved out of rooms and a special table built just so Eric had enough room to construct the spectacular jigsaw.


Puzzled: Eric Smith spent six months completing the world's biggest jigsaw.

But after 537 hours the colourful creation - featuring fish, birds, mammals, planets and buildings - was finally completed by the devoted father of two, luckily with no pieces missing.

Eric, from Baddeley Green, Stoke-On-Trent, is believed to be one of just two people in the UK to have completed the giant brain teaser.

He said: 'This is the nicest jigsaw I have ever done and I am really chuffed at how quick I have done it.

'I found all sorts of different animals as I went along and it is very colourful.
jigsaw

It has about 10 or 12 different puzzles inside one giant puzzle, I was really pleased to complete it.

'You certainly couldn't take a photograph that big, so it's a very special picture and I keep finding new animals and things in it.

'I have enjoyed spending two or three hours a night on this one.'

Eric started doing the puzzles as a hobby about 30 years ago and has only ever lost three pieces of a jigsaw.

The biggest puzzle he had previously completed was 18,000 pieces but Eric says this was the most enjoyable.

The retired sales manager, added: 'I just seem to have a knack of doing jigsaw's really well,I can't walk past one without finding a couple of pieces and putting them in.

'I can do little ones so quickly that I'd be getting through one a week. As soon as I see a new big one out, I have got to get it.

'I have done a number of jigsaws from 10,000 pieces upwards in the past but this is the biggest in the world.'

Eric is now thinking of donating the jigsaw to a new hospital that is being built in North Staffordshire but is still open to suggestions from charities who might want it.

He is looking forward to his next challenge and can't wait for a bigger one to come out.

His wife Marion, aged 76, admits she hasn't got the knack for jigsaws but enjoys seeing them completed.

She said: I would rather do a crossword or embroidery but if it keeps him happy I don't mind him doing it.

'I love to see them when they are finished, they're always so colourful.

'Everyone thinks it is marvellous how he does it, because it takes a lot of patience.

'However, it does keep him up late at night if he is engrossed in it. It can be 2am when he comes to bed sometimes.'

Royce B. McClure, the jigsaws designer, said on his website: 'The challenge for me in a puzzle of this huge size was to eliminate large areas where no changes take place.

'This, of course, means the puzzle will look quite 'noisy' when shrunk down on the box or in a brochure.

'I hope that the puzzlers who accept the challenge to do this puzzle understand that if the art looks perfectly pleasing in a small size, then it will drive you mad with boredom when blown up to a huge size then cut up into small single coloured pieces.

'The puzzle comes in four packets, breaking the art up into four vertical sections that join together to make 'Life'.

'I have tried to make each section different enough from the other sections so that you won't feel that you are doing the same puzzle over and over.'




A couple of segments up close and personal.

A Little Housekeeping

I am stalling. A ton of stuff to do and I have no reason to not do them. I don't dislike any of the things I have to do. I just get easily distracted sometimes...or maybe not. I zone in on something and no matter what else I have to do, I just want to focus on that one thing but that one thing may not be the thing I should be doing at the moment - like now.

So I thought I'd see about clearing some old stuff out of ye olde blog and maybe adding some fun stuff. Saw the library feature a few times before so I finally added it but I'm not sure yet if it's keeping up with my list or not. Already there are a few books missing from there. But I'll give it some time. I don't think I'll ever add every single book I've read, though I did add a few past favorites, but it's just something to track the stuff from now on.

Then I thought I'd do a different blog roll. It was acting fishy for a while and there was a lot of back and forth and deleting and canceling, then renaming and rearranging until it makes a little more sense to me now and the stuff I like is now properly divided.

I even cleared out a few things and added some others like a proper slideshow of some of our puzzles! Now THAT will be easier to keep up to date. And there is also some online writing I've done and a recent podcast where BizzyGirl and I were interviewed. Yeah, I know I'm letting you guys a little deeper into my world but how much can I really hide anyway, huh? Actually, I don't WANT to hide, I simply will continue to keep my family as nondescript as possible - save for the millions of pictures I share of my kids because they are perfect. I'm sure I could even add some more stuff if I wanted to but I think I've done enough for one day.

Back to the more pressing tasks at hand.

Setting It Straight

Had to go find a couple of posts I had done. They went to the mobile blog I thought I had connected to this but it seems like it keeps creating new ones every time I used it. It's all straight now. So you can see I was posting recently, it just wasn't showing.

So I've taken the kids South and now I am back, able to go to work early, stay late, work on my book proposal, etc. Am I getting much done? So far, barely. Not even getting as much sleep as I want. But I don't have to listen to he said/she said. I don't have to tell anyone to turn the TV down or to get out from under it. I don't have to feed anyone but me. I don't have to taxi anyone around. It's all very relaxing.

Now that I've re-established myself here, I need to get back to work.

By the way, yes. I now Tweet on Twitter. :-)

Ducky!

Signed up for Aflac at work today. Been wanting to do that since I had my first child and a friend told me she had it which was why she still had money when job benefits would have been running out. My company at the time had hundreds and hundreds of workers but no Aflac. My little current company of less than 50 saw the value. Well, at least I finally get to find out if it is worth it.

Sweet Country Air

I have always loved being at my grandparents Georgia home when they were alive. My parents have since retired and built their home literally around the old place. But the house is still intact from the inside and the porch, while better enclosed, still lets the wind blow through. The field boasts a different harvest but the scene is still pretty much the same from when I was little. Stress cannot survive in a place like this. Time to eat.

I Don't Wanna Twitter!

I am already Linked. I save Face at least weekly, if not daily. There is biznik. There is Ladies Who Launch. There is stuff happening in person too and of course, there's this bodacious blog! One list I am on - helpareporter.com (join it!) - keeps talking about the virtues of Twitter and an Internet reality business show I have been following off and on mentioned it last night too. So I asked someone who is more plugged in than I am (and I am pretty plugged in for a busy mommy) and she said yeah. It's not a waste of time. Darn it! Like I need one more thing to keep up with! I want to rebel. I want to run. I want to keep my eyes closed to this phenomeneon but darn it, I have a business to grow and a book to finish writing. I can't afford to hide in the corner.

It's up, you know. Twitter. On another screen, baiting me to come look at it. Yeah, yeah. I hear you. Sucking me into one more thing to get addicted to.

By the way, I need good salespeople. One really great one will do but I'm willing to talk to a few. Here's my ad. Know anyone? Send them my way!

We need help. We create unique, fun jigsaw puzzles - greeting card jigsaw puzzles and custom jigsaw puzzles. We are a 3-year-old, home-based company founded on the third principle of the Nguzo Saba - Ujima, which means Collective Work & Responsibility. We are dedicated to promoting the collective and creative works of all cultures for the purpose of providing quality, authentic, multicultural puzzles and educational products. We are a dynamic duo with complementary gifts and talents and the shared gift of helping others in a variety of ways. We need someone with a passion for sales who can see our vision and help us turn leads into sales. We need you to be able to operate within our parameters of putting people first and always striving to do the right thing despite the general consensus. PLEASE DO NOT REPLY IF YOU NEED TO BE PAID NOW. We need you to work by commission only and help us get where we know we are destined to be so that we can all share in the coming success. If interested, please email us at villageworks@sbcglobal.net. We would like someone in CT but we are open to finding someone from any location with a passion equal to our own.

Ta ta. Off to Twitter!

A Quick Prayer for Madeleine

I am moved to momentarily stop and ask God to ensure that this little girl - if she is indeed still among the living - is well cared for even if she is not to be returned to her family any time soon. The ultimate conclusion, of course, is that He takes her back to her family. But only God knows what happened and why, and only He can see clearly into this. It pains me deeply to think of a child my daughter's age out there, separated for her family. She is old enough to know the people she is with now are not the people she should be with. Of course, again, we don't know what happened. It could be some other family member that has her for all we know.

As I re-read the story of the McCann's, cultural differences surface again. Just like that Danish mom who left her child in a stroller on a NY street, I suppose we have to leave room for the practices of people in other parts of the world. It just seems to me, though, that when in Rome, don't act like you're home. Keep that child close. Period. Mr. T and I are always doing that dance too - how much freedom do we give them and when? When we're away, there is no give on that invisible leash. But at home, Mr. T is more flexible than I am and I deliberately try to scare him with all the stuff that can happen in our own back yard too - literally. I guess between the two of us, the kids will come out OK but will I?

But none of this helps Madeleine right now. She is still out there somewhere and her parents, I am sure, will never feel 100% joy in life ever again. I know I wouldn't. And that leads me to the third possible conclusion to this mystery, the one no one wants to think about, but I still pray that if worse has come to worse, God please let it come to light so these people can rest in the fact that You have her now. For this moment in time, I wish them peace - one way or another.

Little Women

We have a puzzle emergency. Yes they happen. Especially right now with crazy stuff going on with the customers we deal with at my job too. Overall, it's a busy time with Son's summer program and the puzzles and the vending that is going on in NC right this very moment where we are being represented to potential customers. There's is the book proposal I still need to get back to work on. We've got a newspaper article to our credit now and a podcast too. It's life.

So I am outside on the phone with a die company. Can't get what I want today. I call my manufacturer to tell him the deal. I watch as one woman sloooowly walks down the street assisting another who clearly has issues with her legs. I notice their slow pace and wonder if it's leisurely to the woman who is helping or is she just used to taking it really slow for the sake of this other woman. I think it might bug me a little.

I leave a voice mail message for my manufacturer who is in and out and I keep watching the women walk toward me. As I wrap up my message, they pass me by.

"Ma'am. Ma'am! Ma'am!"

I see the disabled woman is trying to look my way, throwing ma'ams at me like a pushy toddler.

"Um, I presume you mean me?"

"Are you waiting for the bus," she asks for all to hear.

"No I am not."

"I need to take the bus."

I look at the woman with her who watched the exchange like she has no vested interest.

"Sorry. Don't know anything about the buses here. They come. Don't know where they go."

I step to her side on my way back into work. One of the summoned buses arrives just as I finish talking to her. The disabled woman then clasps my wrist as if I had offered it to her.

"I need to take the bus," and she begins to take me along on her little journey to the bus that has now pulled up and opened its doors. So now we are two women walking sloooowly with this woman. The bus driver looks like he knows her. She tells him where she needs to go while she climbs on board. I watch the other woman and tap her shoulder.

"Were you accosted?"

She smiles such a slightly confused and yet patient smile and laughs a little. "Yeah." I watch her wait as the woman gets on.

"God bless you."

"Thank you."

I go back to work.

Life is insane. I can't seem to get a moment of quiet. I think God just took me by the arm and said, "Slow down. You're going to get there. You've just got to help some people along the way."

Why Oh Why

My nephew-in-law is getting divorced.

"Nephew moved in with my mother yesterday," Mr. T told me one morning this week. I looked at him in confusion. I had actually forgotten that fast that he and his wife had just bought a house not that long ago. I was too busy trying to remember how long they were married. I know time flies but could it have been THAT long already? Long enough to give up?

"What do you mean? Where's his wife? What happened?"

Mr. T shrugged. "She's gone."

Nephew is sweet. Nephew is smart. Nephew is handsome. Nephew has a VERY good job. His wife is simply adorable. Mr. T and I are old enough to be their parents if we had started somewhere between the age of 15 to 18, but otherwise we don't usually feel an age difference between us, even when she calls me Aunt Monica. And with her, it was sweet. I didn't mind.

"Why? I don't get it. How long have they been married now?"

"About 2 years."

They were the couple that got married in secret. Just last summer we all went to dinner to celebrate them. They had been together about 2 years before they got married. Maybe longer. They seemed so certain. She looked so content. I am positive Nephew would move the moon for her.

"She cheated on him."

"What?! How does he know? How can he be sure? Did she confirm it? No way! After all this? And just 2 years of marriage? Huh?"

"He did his homework first. Checked cell phone bills. Called a number that was coming up a lot and when a guy answered, he told him who he was and the guy hung up. He confronted her. She said he's just a friend."

"Why," was all I could ask as I shook my head.

"Why'd they even buy a house," Mr. T wondered out loud.

The other nephew's wife is already on everyone's s**t list - mine too - since he got slammed in the face at a party for HER sister and had to get his jaw wired, couldn't talk, etc. and she didn't tell anyone here for days. But this little wifey? I LIKED her, man. Enough to look forward to seeing her when we got together. I guess I can hold out hope that somehow things get resolved but if it's true, Nephew is right to stand firm if she couldn't stand loyal after such a short time. But I hope there's a misunderstanding. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed and praying for them.

It's Gettin' Kind of Hectic

I can't even list things. My mind is a little scattered and creating lists helps me to get it back together. It's all good, it's all growth potential but it's all over the place and I need to get my thoughts together.

• I'm talking to multiple buyers and a couple of connected bloggers about the greeting card puzzles.
• We're preparing a packet of things to send to small, but select, vending event down South where we will be sponsors and they will pitch us to gift basketeers.
• I'm talking to a storeowner about our next puzzle and letting her help guide the design because she likes the concept and will buy it if the execution is just as good. She also knows toy reps and will connect us there later on.
• Press releases are going out and we've done one newspaper interview so far. We're doing a podcast interview next Saturday.
• More networking.
• More writing.
• More work!

I kept thinking about my kids. I've been busy all this time but this is different because I am fishing in a much larger pond these days, taking more risks, and I continue to believe we are closer than we realize. It's like exercising. If you do it every day, you may hate it but eventually you start to see results and things get better overall for you though it may never get any easier - just better. If you stop for too long, you go practically back to square one. So I keep pushing. And pushing. And thinking, "I have to make sure they are with me." You can never be too sure just how much your kids know or understand until you take the time to talk to them. It's astounding just how affected they can be by something that you thought was no big deal. Or just how easy it is for them to go with the flow when you think they should be devastated. Unpredictable and flexible. That's them.

So I'm thinking, "I have to talk to them. I have to be sure." People are always asking me where I get my energy from. They wonder how I can do as much as I do. And certainly I have to sacrifice in one area in order to succeed in another but it's not either/or. It's sacrifice on one hand today for success on the other. Tomorrow you may need to switch up. That, my friends, is balance. But sacrifice is always a part of it and, like it or not, the kids will sacrifice too. Maybe you can't do as much with them or for them as you'd like while getting things off the ground. Maybe you aren't as patient as you'd like to be. Maybe you aren't as attentive as you should be. Personally, I think it's better to be honest about these things and I have accepted the fact that some days I will get it all right and some days I won't. But I am thinking as long as I keep them in the loop, we should all come out of this OK.

I went to a dinner tonight to celebrate the latest group of grads from the business workshop I had done about 5 years ago. I had already come home about 9:30 last night because Bizzy Girl and I had to talk numbers for a potential buyer. But I had said I would go to the dinner and I wanted to because one woman to whom I had recommended the program was going to be among the grads. I had to support her. So two late nights in a row. Something I try not to do.

It started at 6 and I was determined to hustle out of there by 9 at the latest, and only that because the dinner was in the same town I live in so it wouldn't take forever to get home. "Gotta get home to the kids. Gotta get home to the kids. We have to talk. We have to talk!" At 9:05 the dinner was done but I had to talk to 2 of the grads who might be good connections for my business. I had to talk to my friend who graduated but she was busy talking to the guy who founded the program, as she should. So I talked to the people with her who also happen to own the store where our puzzles were (yes were. But it's not over. Later on that topic.) It's was about 9:30 when I finally made it out.

Someone, amazingly, had thought to leave the light on outside. Usually I'm the one who thinks like that. I am guessing the kids were just playing around with the lights and didn't realize the outside light had gone on. Before I could get all the way in the house Daughter bounds down the stairs. "Son was crying for you." Great. I am coming home to make sure we're all playing on the same team and he's crying for me. Can you spell GUILT? But he's never done that before. I've come home this same time many times prior. Why tonight?

"What do you mean he's crying? For what?"

"He was waiting and waiting for you but you didn't come home." Oh brother.

So I ask him. "Why were you crying for me? I've come home this time before."

"Usually you come home at 8:30."

"But last night I came home this time. Why cry?"

"Because I love you." Again - oh brother.

If you all haven't figured this out yet, let me clue you in on my personality. I may want to talk about something but if you ask me about it before I am ready, I will get annoyed. I may realize something needs to be fixed, but if you complain about it just the very second before I do something about it, I will get annoyed. I may know my kids are wishing they had more of me but if they tell me they had more of me before I tell THEM let's talk about it, I will get annoyed. This is me. I can't explain it any more than that.

"Let's talk. Mommy has always been busy but things are a little different right now and I may be even busier than before. I am trying not to have things so busy that you rarely see me. I am trying to balance it so I will do something one day and choose not to do something another day so I am here with you. But the fact is I am trying very hard to make something grow and I am doing it for you all as well as me. I am using the gifts God gave me. I love it all and I am happy. But I want to be sure you both know that this is for you too. I want you to see that God gave you gifts and you can choose to use them in a traditional way or a nontraditional way but just use them and be happy. That's what I want for you."

Daughter asks, "Why are you telling us this?" Son simply clings to my arm because that what he does. I stick my tongue out at her and keep going.

"So, what I want to know is, is there anything, as a mommy, you wish I would do or would NOT do?" I know I am setting myself up here for loads of guilt. Bring on the, "I wish you were home more often." and "I wish you'd read to us more." or maybe "I wish you would sit and play more often." I do all these things. But I think most parents feel they don't do it enough. What do the kids think?

"I wish you'd be rich," Daughter says. "I'm trying! Son?"

"Hmmm. I wish you would not be mean to us and take away our blankets and pillows and make us sleep on the floor."

"Excuse me? When have I ever done that?"

"You haven't, so I wish you never do."

"Ohhh kaaay. Well, that's not likely to happen anyway. So of the things I DO do, what would you like me to do differently?"

"I wish you could give us lots of money," Daughter pipes up again. This is not the deep, meaningful, heartfelt conversation I was looking for. "Yeah. I got that. I told you I'm working on it. Son?"

"I wish you'd let us help with your business." Finally. Something real.

"But I do. If I go vending and you go along, you help."

"Oh yeah. Ummmmm." He taps his chin with his finger, grinning in the air as he thinks of God knows what.

"You know, if you have to make stuff up, it can't be too bad huh?"

"I wish you could do magic!" Daughter has found a stray tangent to follow.

"I love you," Son responds to a question that I think only he heard in his head.

So maybe they aren't feeling like orphans after all. And maybe I'll do more to talk about my business to them to make them feel a part of things, which is all they really want from me anyway - to be included. Maybe they are doing just fine.