A Step in the Best Direction

Do you know what happens when you buy shoes right after having your eyes dilated? You spend $100 without barely blinking - literally.

Now for some people in the world, this is a paultry sum anyway. "$100? That's my lunch money!"

For others, this is an unthinaklable amount. $100?! That's groceries for a month! "Ha! I wish it really were all I spent on groceries in a month.

Then there are the people with dependents and mortgages and bills and etcetera. $100 on shoes in that case may give you pause. Understandable.

So how did I get here? I went to the eye doctor this morning for my regular checkup. I didn't realize that I would get dilated because even thought I go as I should, I only needed to go every 2 years at the time. Now it's yearly since I am getting older. I also didn't know that I would pretty much be unable to see for about 4 hours afterward - well enough to drive but not enough to read normal print close up. Since reading is 100% of what I do on my job, I decided not to rush back there. The mall was only 2 blocks from my doc's office so I figured I'd check out some shoes while the lots were relatively empty and give my eyes a chance to regain some normalcy.

Now, one thing I have always wanted to do but have yet to do fully was only buy what I love and not just buy the things that don't make me feel financially guilty. I know that quality is better than quantity most times. I know that when it comes to clothing, fit SHOULD trump price. I watch What Not to Wear on TLC because it's fun to see the metamorphasis as men and women find out how much better they feel and look when they wear the proper size and fit of clothing. I believe in that myself. But that doesn't make it easy to spend the money sometimes.


I don't just have 2 dependents and now a mortgage, etc. I actually have a 3rd dependent - my business, at least until it gets profitable. Even when I start out wanting to save some money to spend on my own desires, something just about always comes up and I'm glad I have the money to take care of it but I'm a mom. My needs and wants often get pushed to the bottom even when I'm not trying to let it happen. I don't resent it. I just keep on trying. Last year I finally added myself as a line item in my personal budget. I paid myself not quite 10% as I should, but after my tithes I took out money for me and THEN I did what I had to do. That lasted for about 6 months because the house became a priority. But I did it nonetheless and I'm doing it again this year for sure. It's progress. I'll take it.

I've already reached the place where I only do what feels right for me and doesn't take me to emotional places I do not HAVE to be. I already care so little about what others think about me that I may come off uncaring of their feelings in return. And while I do apologize if some feels hurt, no, I don't apologize for being me.

This year I'm working on the quality part of life. I may not be able to buy a lot at one time but I'm choosing to buy the more expensive thing IF I love it, IF it looks good on me, IF it fits well because I want it to last and I want to be happy I have it. Subconsciously I do treat the more expensive thing better so that may be why these items last longer, in addition to the alleged craftsmanship that go into them. (I'll just have to take their word for that one.)

Last year I went to a business conference and one of the gifts we got was a free pair of Naturalizer shoes. There was a fashion show at the conference and I watched as these women strutted on the stage in their Naturalizer shoes and I thought, "Wow! Some of those are really cute!" I had been in a Naturalizer shoe store when I was a child and went with my great aunt each summer as she bought me new clothes and shoes for school. She might stop in that store to look or pay a bill and the shoes I saw there for women were not appealing. I grew up with that thought in my head and never stepped foot in the store as an adult. Then I saw those shoes on the runway and got the chance to get a free pair. They were over $70 dollars, a lot to me normally, and I was even more impressed that they gave hundreds of women these totally free shoes. I mean I didn't even pay shipping! I got them and they killed my feet the first time I wore them. After that they were golden. Perfect. I swear I didn't even notice them. They are heels too and I NEVER liked heels. These I can run in - honest! There went my ill thoughts of Naturalizer and new appreciation for pricey shoes took root.


When I went to the store this morning I couldn't see price. I could see the shoes just fine. But those prices, unless they were on bug SALE sigs, were not coming in at all. So I went for love and fit instead, hoping for a great sale but not wanting to be stopped for lack of it. The sales clerk rang them up and I admit I was a bit surprised they were indeed the $95 price tage I thought I was seeing on the shoe that sat next to the pair I wanted. But thankfully I've got a bonus coming and room on my credit card so I said, "OK."

I really hate feeling like I shouldn't get the quality thing. All my life the things I liked were usually the most expensive things so why should I be surprised by the price now? And now I am actually getting paid like an adult and not like an entry-level worker. My husband has a good job and my children are considered a higher debt for me than my actual debts are. Now's the time, if ever there was one, to shop the way I want to, even if it takes a little longer and I get a little less overall. I see it as an investment in me and gratification earned after so many years of gratification delayed as I worked on getting my finances where they should be.
As I write this now, I can honestly say I didn't even think of what else I could have done with the money. Before I could, I reminded myself that I bought the shoes because I loved them. "Good enough. Stop questioning yourself." And I did.

I've got a long way to go to fully be the person on the outside that I am on the inside. I should call all of my out-of-state friends at least every 2 months and not yearly as it feels it is now. I still have to work on always going to church on the Sundays I feel too lazy to dress three people instead on just me. I'm sure my husband would love it if I went back to the love notes I used to write him weekly, even if I only did it monthly. But I think I'm still making steps in the right direction. I'm being true to me. I can't ask any more of myself.

The Write Stuff

Someone must think I have it. Last night I found out that a flash fiction piece that I submitted to Word Riot back in September is going to be published next month! Flash fiction, for those of you who don't know, is just as it sounds - a quick piece of fiction, usually under 1,000 words. This one was done from a prompt I did in my online critique group some time ago. One of the members told me about flash fiction, a genre I didn't know of at the time, and I figured some of the things I wrote might work so why not?

It's wonderful confirmation of my writing. Mind you, I have friends, family, co-workers - my boss, even - church members, all tell me they think I'm a good writer. I've published myself when I was the editor of my church newsletter for 5 years many moons ago when I had no children. I publish myself here regularly! One of my co-workers publishes an online magazine and has told me she'd happily publish something of mine should I write something for them - still my plan. But I've got to admit, there is something about the validation from strangers, someone who doesn't know you and has no connection to you and your writing alone must represent itself. Darn it if it's not a welcome form of praise.

So this will be the very first thing I've had published in as close to the traditional way as one can get. This is the young woman who publishes the mag. Should I be concerned that she calls herself crazy Jackie? Hmmm. Who cares! The woman is published and has an agent and obviously knows what she's doing.

I'm still working on my children's book and I'm hoping my time away to deal with my house will give me the fresh perspective I need to go back to it and make it shine so I can start submitting it to publishing houses. That's one I've been working on for about 4 years now. Now, getting that baby published would indeed be a dream come true.

Change is Afoot

I am anxious. The good thing is my blog redesign is coming along and my new logo is nearly done. I love to just look at it. Makes me want to write! But you can't see it until it's done. Sorry.

The other not-so-good-but-I-can-live-with-it thing is yesterday I went in to pay the penultimate statement on a small business loan my partner and I have with a local social service agency. I told the director why I wasn't at the holiday party she threw last month. I had asked someone else to relay the message but apparently it didn't make it to her.

"You bought a house?! Oh my goodness! Are you happy?"

"Absolutely! We've been living with my mother-in-law for the last two years. I'm VERY happy! No slight to her but after I got out of college, the last thing I wanted to do was live with people anymore."

I explained how we weren't officially in the house yet. Still need to finish the painting and change the carpets and we get mattresses at the very least. "Do you have air mattresses maybe?"

"Not even that, though we should consider it."

She reminded me of how much I just want to be in already. I feel a little anxiety because we just aren't moving fast enough for me. Yet we can't go any faster than we are going because paint is not free and neither are carpets and mattresses. We still have to take this one paycheck at a time and with the first mortgage payment coming due, the priority now is for Mr. T to get whatever part of the money he has yet to get and get that payment off. Then we have to focus on a sewer bill that we walked into with an overdue balance because apparently Former Owner didn't pay her part last year and she must have known because the bills are based on the months to come, not the ones that passed. She would have gotten that baby last June or July. So I called our lawyer and he took care of it. Whew. Sometimes, you gotta love those lawyers!

Mr. T is the slow and deliberate sort. He takes his time making decisions, though not to the point of losing out - most times. I think he will always regret not making a bid on the first house we both liked almost instantly. It took months to find that one but he decided a month after we saw it that he wanted to put a bid on it. I would have - and should have - pressed the issue when we first saw it if he hadn't kept calling it a doll house, making me think he didn't REALLY want it. (Of course the house we bought, he still calls a doll house. He's right.) So we lost out on that one for good. Still, we got the better end of the stick.

But normally, he is slow to act and it pays off for him because he always finds great deals. This house was no exception. So I do try to gauge myself because I, as opposed to him, usually move faster than I ought. I've tamed that over the years and living with him has tamed it even more - to our benefit - but I haven't squashed that spirit because my impetuousness gets him moving on things while his caution moves us along safely. I'm trying to chill and focus on the things I can physically do to distract myself while he prepares the way. (Can you see the gladiators that just popped up in my head?) Gotta let a man be a man sometimes, you know? Yet I am dreaming of my treadmill. It's been inaccessible for two years and I miss it. At this point the upstairs of the house will be done being painted but there is still downstairs, which hopefully will go much faster since there are 3 rooms to paint compared to the 6 upstairs and way fewer doors to navigate around. Now that I think of it, I suppose the job is really 2/3 done. OK, I feel a little better now. Plus, before I left to drop off the Daughter and go to work, I heard him calling his buddy to get the house measured for carpet. No need to say another word. The man hears what I say without me having to say it and I do love that about him.

Fun Friday

Well, everybody loves Friday. Well, maybe not those who work non-traditional schedules and have a workweek that starts on a Friday. I was hoping to do this earlier in the day but work has been mega busy lately.

But in the interest of trying to post fun stuff on Fridays, I am sharing something I found over at Six Until Me. I thought it was great! Had to share with you all. And now you can share with others!

I don't know who Phyllis is. If you do, drop me a note. Got to admit, Angelina is too skinny for my taste but I always thought she had a beautiful face so hey! Thank you! How either of us resemble Mr. Joschka I haven't a clue. Who is he, anyway?

Anyway, enjoy!

A Model Customer

Tonight I wrote for an hour about what I did at the mall. I read through, I went to fix something, I hit the wrong button, I lost the whole thing because I didn't save a version before I edited it.

I'm sick. So I'm going to roll my hair and call it a night.


Want to know what happened? The long and short of it is a salesclerk in Lane Bryant asked me if I wanted to model in their show in April. I said yes. We'll see what happens.

How dull was that? My prior version gave you a whole thing on elusive dark wash jeans and finding the right fit. My other version commented on the need to love anything I buy because when I turned 35 one birthday ago, it was just one of those pivatol moments for me - I call it my personal age of reason. I refuse to not be happy with the things and people in my life. So I'm not, for the most part. My other version had quotes and a flash back to when my mother convinced me to take a modeling class offered at some department store we went to one day. I did the show and that was the end of that modeling career. My other version explained about how hard it is to fit clothes when I'm losing weight because I never have clothes that fit me for the season and size I am in. Right now is no different. My prior version reasoned that this could be an opportunity for anything, not just for modeling like some other women may be there to find, and a writer/businesswoman like me needs to make the most of networking opportunities.

Nope, you should have read that other version. It was great. But now it's gone and all I have left is this boring watered-down version of my internal thoughts.

Oh well. Enjoy the picture. It's American Idol contestant Kimberly Locke, who is right now losing weight as well. When I saw her some seasons ago, my friend and I - who watched the show separately - both clearly remembered a black top she wore that was sheer above the belly button and it was so tasteful even we would have worn it and we both had C-sections! That's what I remember most about her - besides her great voice. I remember her top. And here she is looking great in her jeans and I'm still looking for perfection. I'll probably find the Holy Grail first.

At the Movies

VERY uneventful weekend, this weekend. Well, no, that's not true. We were up ALL NIGHT Friday with Daughter. She was throwing up. She did it at least 7 times which meant 2 clothes changes for me, 1 bath for her and an additional clothes change and two bed cleanups as well. Not to meantion the washer was going all night as well. Not fun. She's been mucus-y for too long anad I'm starting to wonder. She was sick a couple of weeks agao and I swear it hasn't completely gone away and now this. Don't know. Gott insist someone look at her.

On a brighter note, I was supposed to get rockets on Son's wall - but I didn't. I have a mirror I want to buy for the foyer and some lamps for Son's rooms but I was too lazy to go to the store alllllll the way in New Haven. Instead, I was in the mood for movies, so I rented 4 for us and 2 for the kids. In case you love them as much as I do, I'll tell you what I saw.

The Devil Wears Prada - Good movie. I found myself wondering what I would do in Andy's (Anne Hathaway) place since I too graduated college to go into journalism but had to make my start somewhere. I chose the copy editing route. She chose to be the assistant of a big time fashion magazine editor. Her world was certainly more glamourous but she was a HUGE size 6 and considered fat. Gee, they would have probably paid for me to have gastric bypass surgery then! The whole thing seemed very on point from the journalism point of view and I recently read that it was very accurate from the fashion perspective too. My point of contention was the friends/boyfriend. They knew how hard she had to work. Everyone, including her in the beginning, thought the whole world a joke but she grew to respect the industry and do the job really well and they made it hard for her. She went into it knowing that if she gave this job her all for one year, doors would open for her. That's how it is when you're coming out of college so I think she got a gret oppportunity. She gave her friends $1,000 telephones and purses - benefits of the job. They couldn't have tolerated her busy schedule for one lousy year? Yes, she was headed down a bad path but from what I could see, she would have gotten back on course anyway without their unsupportive behavior. I didn't think she ever sold out. They did. I guess we'll just have to disagree on that one.

Wicker Man - REALLY good. I didn't see it coming. I'm not so sure I should say more than that on this one in case someone wants to see it but I can say it sure gives women a bad name. Still, it was intriguing and even at the very end, I found myself hoping someone would come out of the blue and save the day. Alternate ending didn't change anyone's fate. Gotta love Nicholas Cage.

Little Miss Sunshine - Ummmm, OK. I didn't really think this was a grown-up movie but Alan Arkin is playing the grandfather here and he very much made it an R when he was on the screen. My daughter was laying with us when I was playing this one and I found myself coughing and singing and covering her ears way too much. At least until Grandpa was gone. Then it was cool. It was weird, for sure. I like the cast and I'm still astounded that Greg Kinnear has so much range. I remember him from his Talk Soup days on the E! channel. The dad (Kinnear) wants to be a motivational speaker; the son wants to fly jets; the daughter wants to be a beauty queen; the brother-in-law (Steve Carell) is a genius professor who wants his former gay lover back who jilted him for his competitor; the mom (Toni Collette) wants everyone to be happy and NO ONE gets what they want in the end. Wacky. Nice to see a family so united but I'm still pondering this one.

The Illusionist - Excellent. Absolutely knew this was going to be some twisted mystery and I watched it with that in mind yet I still didn't figure it out until the Inspector (Paul Giamatti) was bumped on the street when a young boy was handing him a package. Then I knew what was going on. I loved it. Not sure I can own it knowing how it all works but it was fun to watch and I love Edward Norton so it was worth my time.


Barnyard - Watched this with the kiddies. Daughter and I fell asleep. Son got through it. In all fairness, it was a rainy Saturday and rainy days and Saturdays always get me down (to sleep, that is). I tell you, they just don't make kids movies interesting like they used to. I did what I always do - listened to see who voices I can pick out and that kept me going a while. Son laughed a bit. Good enough. I also got them How to Eat Fried Worms and I knew I would not be able to stomach that so I didn't tell them I got it. I'll let Mr. T do that today since they are out of school but I am not off work today.

But hey, I also watched one on HBO2 that I hadn't seen yet. Nanny McPhee. Daughter sat still for that one. I thought it was great. Wasn't sure I'd be able to look at Emma Thompson's not so attracttive face but that alters as the kids get their acts together. Reminded me of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, also a good one that Son loved but I like weird stuff like this. And it's not even a cartoon!

And these, my friends, are my reviews for now!

Unimportant Babble

Just wanted to share my frustration with wanting to buy this piece I saw in Home Goods yesterday - which is why I don't like window shopping because you always find things to buy when you don't have the money for it. I had never been in Home Goods before because I suspected I would like something that I could not afford right then and buying furniture was not a priority while we were looking to buy a house. So this piece is on hold right now by someone name Pat who was able to hold it without buying it due to something the other store manager must have been willing to allow when normally they do not. I'll just have to go back tomorrow to see if it's free again. Home Goods has it for $300. I found it online at another place in NC for $665. That $300 difference is more than enough reason to love Home Goods. I have a question in to one more NC furniture store but it's worth about $800 so I don't expect the price to be much less than that $665 I got already.

This little baby picks up the colors of my soon-to-be office/guestroom and though I was headed for white furniture before, when I saw this I changed my mind.

Mr. T. and I expect to take a long time decorating our place because after we get the much needed beds for everyone, we only plan to buy things we love, love, LOVE. And my taste is for really weird, artistic looking things I could stare at all day long but it's still functional. That's what this is and darn it, I had to find it when I wasn't looking!

Here's hoping Pat doesn't come through.

UPDATE: Heard from the second furniture store in NC that has this. It would cost me $487 plus $80 delivery for a total of $567. $100 less. That's something. So I needed to be sure about the CT version first. I got up this morning with it on my mind. I got Daughter and I out as early as I could. I was determined to go to the store before work to check on it and I got there 2 minutes before they opened. It was there. It was free. It is mine. Save $237-365. I'm a happy camper.

A Fiscal Union

Today my money got married to my husband's money. January 8, 2007. What a great anniversary date.

They've been living together for quite awhile but after the house came along, it was decided that they really need to be living in the same bank account. At least part of it - the part that takes care of the things that take care of all of us. The other part that takes care of me alone continues to live the single life and is happily out there multiplying and gaining dividends.

Mr. T and I have been married for 5 years and even though we got money as wedding gifts, the most we did then was open a joint CD. That ended up paying a crazy tax bill we did not expect our first year because we were still figuring out how to declare ourselves at our individual jobs for the maximum benefit of us all. Mr. T. has always been great with his money and mine was off track for awhile when I first got out of college, then it got back into the black - until I got married.

If you are planning to get married and don't know this already, let me assure you, 2 incomes does not necessarily an overflowing bank account make. Somehow you end up with less. I suppose in our case it was because the rent went up when Mr. T. moved into my apartment. Utilities rise with more adults in a home. Things happen in marriage that don't seem to have alone. It took another couple of years to get the money back on track again and we've reached a place where I suppose we finally trust each other financially now that we've lived it as opposed to watched it from afar all the years before.

So we called my banker and did everything on the phone and via mail and presto! What he and I have joined together, let no foolish behavior put asunder.

It takes awhile to get on one accord with someone. I had a friend recently ask me about this because she's talking marriage with her boyfriend. I told her the truth about how we've done it so far. She's a smart one. I'm sure she'll do better than I did. After all she bought a condo in her 20s and I think that's a smart move. And yes, though I am a Christian and don't necessarily believe in jumping to divorce when things get hard, I also don't believe it necessary to tie up all your money together, if only because do you really want to have to discuss EVERY little move you make with your partner because the money is coming from a joint account?

Frankly, things happen, even in the best of marriages. I've seen what can happen when women put all their money in their man's hands and act like they no longer need to worry. I think THAT is foolish. I have my own, as does he, and now we'll have one together because it just makes sense since we're both contributing to the household. We're beneficiaries in the places that don't have both our names and now that we've found a lawyer we both like, we'll get the wills squared away, which we should have been done when the first child came along. But it's taken 5 years to get this far.

I'd say our money has had a really great courtship, especially since my credit has had the chance to get back where it should be and should be as perfect as his in another year. We're looking forward to that perfection making it possible to build the next house, as we wanted to do all along. Maybe even to buy another one or two to help finance the kids' futures.

No matter how wonderful your pre-marital relationship may be, I believe once you do marry, it takes time to get in sync with someone on many if not all levels, and it's nice that we've finally reached that place.

Weekend Warrior

This weekend was all about the walls. OK, so "warrior" is probably not the best word to use but I was proud of myself nonetheless for adding my own little personal touches to the kids' rooms. This one is Son's room. I'm stencling stars on the wall along with 2 suns, 2 moons and soon to be rockets with a planet or two thrown in for balance. I did the suns and moons first. I bought stencil paint for those so I could do some colors we didn't already have from the walls. That paint is dry! I hate it because it's hard to work with. I never knew what it was like before. Now I do and won't be going that way again. Nonetheless, I did what I could and the rockets are going to be done with wall paint for sure. I got a sun and a moon in the center of each of the four walls and the stars will run between them. It's hard to see in this picture but this center image is where I am so far. It took me about 3 hours to do this much. Had to stop. I'll go back tonight and see if I can at least finish the stars.

And here is a closeup of a moon and a sun. I like them. Or rather, I can live with them and Son will too - until he discovers some new theme one day he'll want played out on his walls.



Now Daughter's walls we're easier. I used a stamp to do her butterflies and it's not as messy and time consuming. I did hers in about an hour but all I'm doing is that. I'm not adding other bugs on the wall, unlike Son's more elaborate job. But those butterflies are beautiful, if I say so myself, and really make it look like a little girl's room. It does cut off the height of a wall, if you're concerned about things like that, but I love standing there and looking at them. Mr. T. likes them too though he acts like he needs sunglasses every time he goes into the room. Daughter was looking at a Pottery Barn Kids catalog with me and decided she wanted everything in there - and for her room to be pink. I think I'll just ignore that request for now.



So tonight I'll go back and get some more stars done. As much as I am enjoying the whole thing, I'll be glad when we can just move in already. Mr. T. is way more of a deliberate person than I am and I know he wants things a certain way first. I think I'll just have to keep myself busy shopping!

House Work

I know, I know. Another week and no writing. I've been busy. I swear! Oh, and I've been sick too, thanks to my daughter. Plus yesterday, Mr. T. turned 38. It's been a lot. But I'm better now, things have quieted down and I am back on the run.

Last weekend I continued cleaning. This time I had to hit the fridge and cabinets but I still need to do the cabinets below. I was too tired to do that last time. (There's some more behind me and on the wall adajacent to that fridge.)
See down there? This is me cleaning the fridge. It took me an hour and a half and it wasn't even that bad! Imagine if we had to move in after someone who didn't care! I can't imagine it. It makes me shudder. Next image.

So there's also the painting. See here the question is, "How does this purple look next to Daughter's newly yellow walls? Or should we stick with lavender?" And "Gee, this blue isn't too dark is it? And this purple with that?" Sounds like a rainbow but my kids picked the colors and I love color so I was fine with it. Mr. T says to leave the kitchen white, however.












"It would be too much color!" he says.

Pish posh! There's no such thing!
But in the spirit of compromise, I say, "Cool."

"And the living room. We won't paint the living room," he adds.

Now cut that out! We need color there!

"We'll let the furniture and things add the color."

Sigh. Fine.

I like change too much to disagree with that logic. Besides, we still WILL paint the foyer downstairs and the family room and my office/guest room a wonderful pumpkin color so I can be content. Plus we still are trying to figure out what color to do our room. I mistakenly voiced some thoughts on green and I HATE green and now Mr. T. is looking into that.(This is the empty, colorless room where my office/guestroom will be.)

I told him, "You must pick a shade that complements me."

"What?"

"You never heard of that? The woman must look good in her own room. That's the rule."

He rolled his eyes but to his credit, he's following my lead on this anyway because though he's never said it, I think he thinks it's what a woman should or wants to do - make their own house a home - so he's been very open to everything I've said. Thankfully, I married a man who cares about his appearance and the appearance of things around him so I will get honest feedback and I know we won't have a thing in there we don't both love, provided it affects both of us that is.

Anyway, this weekend, it's all about getting the butterflies onto Daughter's walls. Just a simple stencil to border the ceiling. Already got a lavender switchplate with butterflies on it and lavender electrical outlet covers should have arrived in the mail by now. Now to find new closet knobs and I'll be cool until I start getting the other stuff for her. Son, on the other hand, needs a galaxy and I have stenciling to do to meet that demand as well. Never done this in my life, mind you, but I'll trust my artistic abilities with this one.
Then we'll head off to Ikea the next weekend because we saw some lighting there that he liked. Plus I saw a lovely ceiling light on their website that I think will work as well. And a wall rocket too. (It's a storage thing. Surely you understand.) I had never been there before now, believe it or not. The place is confusing but CHEAP! Great day, how cheap! Too cheap for the adult furniture, as far as I am concerned. Good transitional living type stuff and good for kids so for the kids we'll go. (And I'm sure there will at least be some fun stuff for accenting rooms too.) By the time we get done, he ought to be quite happy. And I'm happy for him, every kid should have a place where their imagination can explode all over the walls and no one will care. They finally get theirs.

This is me - in the kids' bathroom - signing off until later!

Icon Insanity

'Tis the season for Santa...and the Easter Bunny...and the Tooth Fairy....and other nonsense like that.

This month has been a little challenging. Not so much because we bought a house and had the whole flood insurance fiasco to deal with. Not so much because my MIL keeps telling people, "They have a TON of space!" and we only have an 1,100 square foot house. It's empty, for goodness sake. Of course it looks like we have a ton of space! (I'm a little concerned people - a.k.a. his family - are going to try to buy things for us or give us stuff before we've had a chance to decide what our collective style is.)

No, the challenge, once again has been Santa. And this post was actually prompted by The Tooth Fairy but one myth at a time.

SPOILER: If you happen to be a believer in the "magic of Santa" and all these other "creatures," please leave now before I dash your beliefs on the ground and run over it with my car.

You see, earlier this month I took Daughter to get her hair done. I waited for her and watched as she talked with everyone around her. One woman - who I do not see regularly at the salon - said something to her that prompted Daughter to run to me. "Mommy, mommy! Can I go see Santa?!"

I looked at her, my eyes bugging out, then I looked up at the grinning culprit and asked her, "What IS your problem?!" Everyone laughed but you best believe I was not thrilled.

You see if you have not guessed by now, let me make myself perfectly clear: I DO NOT TEACH SANTA TO MY CHILDREN.

To make matters worse, the woman sitting next to me was waiting with her daughters. They were like 9 and 12 years old. She leans on her knee as she watches Daughter and says, "What's wrong?"

"I don't lie to my children."

"Ohhhh! Stop. Let's stop there." She looks back at her daughter and loudly whispers to me, "We still believe."

I just smile at her. It's not my problem, I want to say. Blame that grinning woman over there who thought it cute to tell my Daughter to come ask me to take her to see Santa. I only tell Daughter, "Daughter, daughter. What? What are you talking about? Don't you need to go back and get your hair done? We'll talk later."

It's quite simple actually. The world is full of marvelous things. Wondrous things. Things we don't understand. They are still discovering creatures under the sea. Do we need to make stuff up to give kids magic? I say no. As the woman sitting next to me continues to talk, I tell her something to this effect as I remind her that our Savior is supposed to be the focus. Helping others and being with family - that's part of the joy of this time. That is what I teach my babies. After all, have you seen the face of a kid who found out the truth after sincerely believing? Pretty heartwrenching. I saw it a couple of years ago when Husband's family thought it cute to do that Santa crap though I never gave them any indication that that was how I rolled. (Aside: Families. Take your cue from the parents. Please. Don't try to stuff your beliefs and fantasies down a kid's throat that YOU did not give birth to or adopt or what have you. You are just making work for the parents who have to live with this. It's NOT funny.)

So the in-laws tried to threaten Son with, "You'd better be good or Santa won't bring you anything." Ugh! I did not tell them to say such things. I had never planned to discuss the Santa thing until I felt I had to and now I had to. "Son, Christmas is about Jesus' birthday. It's about us celebrating the fact that God gave us a way out of our sins. It's about family and helping others. The presents you get? Mommy and daddy and other family members buy them because we love you and God gave us the ability to take care of you in this way. This is Christmas. Santa is just the face some people choose to put on it but he is not real. The people in the malls are in costume." He was sad. He wanted to believe. And the question was do I dash his faith now or later?

Mind you, I was not raised not to believe in Santa nor did anyone try to make it like he was real. I don't know how to explain it. My parents managed to make the time magical anyway because every Christmas I'd see those presents and wonder where the heck they came from. Could there be a Santa? But we don't have a chimney. Did my parents leave the door unlocked? Isn't that dangerous? Eventually I concluded it couldn't be and eventually I figured out how they were sneaking the presents in. That part of the mystery died and yes, that was too bad but I had years of fun trying to figure out how they did it because it HAD to be them. That much I knew. And my kids? Well, we wrap some stuff, put them under the tree and then hold on to some stuff to pull out after they go to sleep. They have been amazed at the overnight growth of the presents every year. I can imagine the thrill my parents got just sneaking around like that and now I get to do it for my own. I love it. This is Christmas to me. I love the lights. I love the cookies. I love how everyone is home a lot more. I love the kids bugging me to buy stuff as I ignore them and then seeing them so happy to get whatever they get. I don't need Santa to pull this off for me.

Son got past it and now Daughter will to. She had a moment where I was unsure. The presents weren't under the tree yet.

"Is Santa going to bring us presents," she asked.

"Daughter...." I tried to warn her.

"Yes, Santa is going to bring us presents."

My kid is 3 and knows exactly what she is doing and saying at all times. She watched me as she said this. "Daughter, come one. Give me a break. You know there is no Santa."

"Yes, Santa," she decided as she went her merry way.

"No Santa."

"Santa, Santa, Santa."

I had to laugh at her. A few days later as we picked out the paint colors for her room at the paint store, the woman asked her if Santa was going to bring her anything.

"Santa's not real!" she yelled at her. The woman gasped. That's my girl.

Now, what about the Tooth Fairy, you ask? Well, Son knew that was a myth before the Santa thing happened. But this week he lost 2 teeth. The first one came out a couple of days ago. Son woke me as I felt him crawling into bed with us.

"Son, what's going on," I asked groggily.

"Come here. I have to show you something." He moved to turn on the light.

"Don't you dare!" I hissed at him. I looked at the clock. "It's 3 in the morning! What do you want me to see?"

"Just come on," he waved at me. I refused to get up. "I have to get up soon. Just tell me."

"My tooth came out and I put it under my pillow but you didn't come." My word. Who knew that by killing the fake stuff, I was somehow increasing my own magical abilities in the mind of my child. "Honey, how can I come if I don't know?" I suppose it's my job to just somehow always know. Well, that's what mommy's do, right? Right.

Bad Blogger

Bad, bad blogger!

"Where have you been, Monica," you ask. "How are we supposed to keep up with you if you don't blog?!"

Valid questions, my friends. You want to know what happened since I last blogged on the 15th? (My gosh, has it really been almost 2 weeks! I'm so sorry!)

Dec. 18 - I turned 36. They had bagels in my honor at work. The kids jumped me when I came home that night because I had a present - ice cream cake and the new BabyPhat perfume. I drove Mr. T's car that day and unfortunately he left the sample cards on the seat of his car so I wasn't shocked but I was happy to see it was bought for ME! :-)

Dec. 21 - We learned who our Secret Santas were at work. We had a $100 limit (don't gasp. There's a reason.) because our holiday dinner had to be postponed until Januaryu so the boss upped the limit and said to expense it. Sweet. So I received this lovely entertaining set - red tray, plates, canape knives, candles, it's really beautiful - and I guessed my SS on the first try. We had pizza, salad, chicken fingers and thick cheese sticks. It was fun.

Dec. 22 - Son sang a duet with a classmate for the holiday concert. Well, maybe it wasn't a duet per se. They were the leads. He sang a solo last time - a full-fledged solo - and listening to him again this time, hands in his pockets as he leaned into the mike to confidently sing his part, I'm amazed at how it makes me emotional. I couldn't be prouder of him. I wonder what it is that makes me so proud of who he is and yet not capable of telling him that enough. The older he gets, the harder it gets and yet he clearly craves it. The boy stood in front of my bedroom door on Sunday and counted. He didn't call me or come in. Just counted - out loud - for a long time. I woke up on 289. He still writes me love notes so I guess I'm still a good mommy overall.

Dec. 23 - Went to start cleaning the new house. Mr. T and I are still stopping each other saying, "Hey! We've got a house!" We're very much caught up in what color to paint all the rooms. Daughter gets yellow and lavender. We just don't know whether to make it lavender with yellow accents or the other way around. We're afraid all yellow will heighten her already vibrant personality but we think we really want to see it that way. Plus I'll find a butterfly stamp so I can stamp lavender butterflies at the top of her walls near the ceiling. Son wanted purple but I was afraid a boyish purple would be too dark. So he said blue. I told him I'd go for blue and try to create a purple and white stripe on the wall you see when you enter the room. Good luck to me. Could have been worse, though. He wanted a checkerboard pattern at first and knowing me, I would have tried it. My office/guest room will be a lovely harvest color - think a fall orange. That is the one room I had dreams about. We still don't know what to do with our room, the kitchen, the kids' bath, the family room or the living room we are currently calling the Sky Box. (It's a raised ranch and that room is upstairs on the same floor as the kitchen and bedrooms. The last owner used it as a dining room but it's hard to know what to do with it because makig it a designated dining room jsut seems like a waste.) In our room and our bathroom, I want something relaxing but Misted Green (See Pottery Barn color palette) keeps coming to me and I don't know if I want to be surrounded by green. I'm not actually too fond of that color. Anyhow, we had hoped to start painting that day but the store was closed early. So this weekend we get to work.

Dec. 24 - I had bought all I intended to buy for my immediate people - Hubby and 2 kids - and wrapped them all up so this day, I just watched movies with Mr. T. My Super Ex-Girlfriend - Eh. OK. Twin Towers - better than I expected. The kids watched Over the Hedge and Ant Bully, both of which they saw in the theater but had to see again. Of the two, I'd probably recommend Ant Bully over the other one. I think it's because so many cartoons these days aren't as scenic as they used to be - remember The Prince of Egypt? - and at least I felt like I was going to different places in that movie even though it was the same house and same front yard. Just from a very different perspective.

Dec. 25 - Breakfast at the sister- and brother-in-law's house. They do it every year and it's nice. His son and daughter come with their families and we're from her side and it's one big, happy United Colors of Benetton ad that day. Well, OK, just 3 colors, but close enough. Then we go home so the kids can tear through their stuff and I can hopelessly try to keep up with all the wrapping being strewn about that I so carefully put on the boxes the days before. But they felt like it was a neverending bounty of gifts. I'm happy they were happy. And oh, by the way, yes I am eating. I'm just trying to maintain weight but dieting right now is just insane.

Dec. 26th - Ugh. Back to work. Still love my job. Don't get me wrong. But why don't we all just take this week off? I know the grocery stores have to be open and places like that but really, who wants to work right now?

Dec. 28th - TODAY! Got to get home to take Daughter to get her hair done. We both had appointments for Saturday but my girl would be doing us both because her girl is on vacation this week and this girl just didn't want to face it. Besides, the cable guy is coming on Saturday and both of us in the hairdresser is sure to keep us in there all day. I want to be able to be there when the cable/internet/phone is hooked up. We're going for the triple package so I'm very excited to finally have cable internet plus I opted to get their DVR system so I can finally tape all the shows I like to watch but I'm often too tired to stay up for.

The new year is shaping up quite nicely so far. And this is my life.

How's yours?

Hustlin' Hustlin'

You're probably wondering what's going on. I asked my mortgage broker yesterday at 4:45 p.m. what was going to happen after an entire day of not hearing from her but instead getting calls from her office asking for information I had already given them days ago. Were we going to close or not, I asked. She laughed. "You're jumpy, aren't you?"

"Hey, man. I need to know what to tell my job. Will I be in or not?"

"You don't have to take the day off," she said. "We will be closing about 4 o'clock."

So of course I didn't listen. I took the vacation day. I could go pay for the homeowner's insurance and do some other errands while we waited. Plus I didn't know when we were going to do the final walkthrough and there needed to be time for that.

So I got up this morning and told MIL we needed a final walkthrough. That's right. No one said, "Hey Monica, this is when your walkthrough will be." No. I had to ask for it.

I gave her my cell number and went off to drop Daughter at school and commence the errand run. MIL called at 11 to say we could do the walkthrough at noon. By then I had completed what I had to do and was doing what I wanted to do - look for my birthday present to myself and get a couple of other Christmas gifts I needed to buy in person. (I've been doing my thing online. I highly recommend it.)

At 11:30 the MB calls. "Monica. We just found out you DO need flood insurance."

I won't go into the feelings on this. I had asked this question of my insurance guy and I suppose he didn't really think it necessary to check into it because papers from the mortgage company were already saying we didn't need it. The papers I signed for the loan said it too. Today, hours before closing, we find out I do. Why do I bother to ask?

I'm already in the city my agent is in so I go back to their office (because I paid them this morning already) and tell them the issue. "It's a 24 to 48 hour process," I'm told.

"Jesus Christ" I pray out loud. I call the MB and tell her. She talks to the girl. The girl has to find out if they already have some info they need to speed up the process so I leave until she calls me because I need to do the walkthrough. A few blocks away she calls. "Can you come back?"

"I'm on my way." I do a U and head back. The girl points me to the licensed agent I had dealt with that morning, Tracy. Poor Tracy hasn't eaten yet but she knows the situation. So we sit and talk. She fills out paperwork and I cross my fingers as well as pray because I'm told flood insurance is VERY expensive and we are down to what we need for the closing with a little padding. This insurance would eat that padding for sure. Tracy has errors and finds out she needs the elevation certificate. How do I get that? "You're going to have to hire someone to go out and survey the land so you can get one." I stare at her in disbelief and call the MB again. In the meanwhile, Tracy says maybe the seller's insurance agent can help us out. I tell her, "oh yes, maybe (the seller) has it!"

"Oh, you know the seller?"

"This is a family affair, Tracy. My MB was her MB for her mortgage. She may even have the info."

"Oh, that's lucky. Most people don't know the seller."

That's not luck, Tracy. That's God. I call the MB, she thinks she actually has the elevation certificate and faxes it over. But it isn't it. MB takes the charge. She calls the other insurance agent and sees what she can find. "As much as we want your business," Tracy tells me, "It may be easier for you to let that agent insure you for now and you can come back here and put it all together when it expires."

Sounds like a plan, though it may be an expensive one since I don't have a relationship with those people already. More phone calls, more confusion and finally MB tells me what Tracy just said. "Monica, go somewhere where you can talk. I'll have that agent call you."

Tracy is already with anohter customer now but she sees me packing up. I tell her the deal and she wishes me luck.

Off I go to the house at last to maybe get a shot at walking through. MB calls on my way there and tells me she is calling the town now to see about getting that much sought after elevation certificate. After I get to the house she calls. "Monica, where are you?"

"I'm at the house now."

"Guess what I have?"

"Really?"

She asked a favor of the zoning guy who approved us buying this house and he came through like a champ. "Go back to the office," she tells me. "I am faxing it back to your agent now."

"I'm on my way." My gas is almsot on E and I am one town away at about 1:15 p.m. As I find a place to park I thank God again because the meter has 38 minutes on it. I have no quarters so I thank God for once again paving the way.

I run to the office and the younger agent points me to Tracy who is already on the phone working out my stuff. She hangs up. "I have to hurry. If they don't have this by 1:30, you can't close today."

Tracy moves and her fingers fly. She talks to her underwriters to ask how to fill something out and the clock says 1:24. My MB calls to ask what is going on. "Tell her 4 minutes!" MB says. Poor Tracy holds her head while I do NOT relay the message. "OK, OK. We're moving," I respond.

Tracy gives me papers to sign and asks the younger agent to start faxing while she finishes the rest. $518 dollars, one signature later it is 1:30 and the last fax is going through.

I call MB. "I love you! I love you! I love you!" she yells. I laugh and we hang up.

I don't know what to do for Tracy but SOMETHING major is getting delivered to her office next week. Like a good neighbor, State Farm was there for me. I love these people.

It is 3:50 now. Husband has picked up Son and I took him to get the last of the money we needed. I got Daughter and dropped them both off to the sitter because Husband and I have a holiday event to attend tonight for my business group.

Now we wait. The closing is scheduled for 5 now. In the midst of all the insurance madness, a potential puzzle customer called me. Now I need to return his call.

I didn't need to take the day off, she said. Yeah right!

************************************************************************

10:45 p.m.

It took until about 8 tonight. We missed the party we were supposed to go to. But we closed.
We are homeowners for the first time.
We are tired.
Good night.

Chugging Along

Well, I did it. I signed loan papers today. It was not perfect. We had to do an 80/20; I wanted a fixed rate but an ARM was the best deal she could get because the interest rate was great so we will have to refinance in 2 years to get a fixed, 30-year mortgage. I knew there might be an issue because my credit is not great. It's good but not as good as they would like to get the best rate, though it's a heck of a lot better than this time last year when I was getting old stuff caught up after getting a break from the financial pressures we had at that time.

Since then I've gotten an awesome job and make better money - and so does Mr. T. the longer he stays where he is - so we're in a better place overall, but credit doesn't repair that quickly and since I'm buying the house alone, everything depended on me. Mr. T. has perfect credit and for the next house, HE is getting the mortgage and we'll take advantage of that. By then, however, mine will be just as good so we should be in a great place no matter what.

Anyway, I knew there would be an issue but the interest rate is 6.3% and I can accept that. I'm actually quite happy about it because ultimately, I did this on my own. Yes, his money went into it too but on paper this is all me and I actually like this opportunity to have property in my own name, even if it's just on paper because you can best be sure I assured the husband that we was on the hook as much as I am. I had to school him a little about the whole what's-yours-is-mine thing. "In the end, my dear, if I leave them high and dry on this mortgage and disappear on you all, they are coming after YOU." Wouldn't want him to feel too relaxed here.

So I initialed and signed on the straight lines and the mortgage broker explained before hand that at the closing, I will be signing twice as many papers - about 50 odd - but many of them would be like what I was signing with her at that moment. She would be my translator for the rest of it because the lawyer will be whipping through but she is a lawyer too (I didn't know that until today) and she'll be able to explain it all.

The issue then was closing on the 15th. I told her earlier this week that the bid was turned into a contract and the other lawyer - probably at the behest of the seller - changed the closing date to "on or before Dec. 25." All this time it's been the 15th. It was that date when I signed the bid back in November. It was that date when the seller decided to sell it to someone else. It was still that date when her buyer fell through and she came crawling back to us. (I told you I thought it was personal choice not to sell to us in the first place.) It stayed that date until, oh, last Thursday or Friday. But my broker (hereby known as the MB) was determined to stick to her original date.

After I signed the papers, as I talked to the MB about the rest of the money needed to close this, a call came in. The seller would not be ready by the 15th. This is the same seller who originally wanted to close by Thanksgiving. Apparently her sister is ill. In my mind I wonder, "What has that got to do with this?" I know it sounds hard and I'm not THAT hard. I knew her mother was sick (I THOUGHT her mother was sick so maybe it was the sister instead) but she's the one who wanted to sell this house quickly and since she actually got a month more than she was originally going for, you'd think she'd be chomping at the bit even more than I am and she'd get her stuff out. A lot of it was still there when we did the inspection last week. The guy who took the message was sitting one desk over from us and after hanging up, he tells us this. My MB sits back. "You get back on the phone," she says. "Tell them this. We either close on Friday or we close in February." About 3 hours after I left, the seller called her personally and assured her she would be in town on Thursday.

So the deal isn't done until it's done. But I must admit, that MB plays hardball and if she's on your side, then thank goodness. After all this uncertainty and ambiguity, right now I can say I'm feeling like she did a good job for us overall. Will we work with her again? It honestly depends on who can offer us the best rate when it comes time to refinance. She admitted that she knew she had me in the dark and she knew I hated it but she didn't want to say an amount and have it keep changing on me since she hadn't locked in a rate yet. Understandable. I'm still leery of her but I may be more relieved now than anything else. The 15th isn't here yet so we'll see how that goes but it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

A Little Something While You Wait?

Tired of my house talk? Me too. Imagine a little Jeopardy music right now because that's what we're doing anyway - waiting.
Waiting for tomorrow when Mr. T. and I finally go talk about the loan terms with the mortgage folk.
Waiting for the zoning guy to give his seal of approval because currently no one has been able to find him.
And IF he says yes, I can go pay the homeowner's insurance because my insurance guy is waiting for that as well.
Waiting until this whole thing is over one way or the other so I can SLEEP IN PEACE!

But until either tomorrow or Friday when I have something new to report, here's a little something else, courtesy of a friend and former co-worker.

Enjoy!

___________________________________________________________________

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.

-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

-- Ly nnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

-- Martin, age 10

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD ! YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

A Little Home-Buying Advice

I am so sleepy right now. I'm having dreams, folks. Will this or won't this work out? I'm pretty sure I dreamed of Daughter painting her room last night but that may have been brought on by the number of times she kicked me in my sleep. She was obviously determined to get into my subconscious, even if she literally had to karate kick her way in.

Still, this whole thing is making it harder to fall to sleep, that's for sure. My mind won't stop going, which is normal for me but this is a little past normal. The hurdle I was expecting to be the big hurdle isn't the hurdle that is currently on my mind. It's the loan. It was not as I expected it to be and it looked like we were going to be paying more for a mortgage than we were expecting and yet we can't be sure because our mortgage broker has yet to sit down with us and explain everything. When I called the broker to tell her about it she said to throw all that paperwork away. She wasn't done. Great day. I should have taken a picture of how much paper there was but I was only too happy to get rid of it, so I shredded it. Hmm. Maybe I'll take a photo of all the shredded paper tonight if Mr. T. hasn't tossed it out by now. In the meanwhile I do feel a little better because I got my insurance guy involved in this to do the homeowner's insurance. (If you are looking to buy, this is one of the things you may have to do for yourself, be aware.)

Overall, I still feel there is a lack of communication and generally too much, "Don't worry, be happy" being thrown about. So me being me, I take matters into my own hands. The broker gets a shot at doing this deal, mainly because it was already in the works anyway, but I spoke to a banker I know personally to see what she thinks and to see if she can do better. We have one week until closing. All we can do is see what happens.

Now, the reason I am writing this today is to share what I already knew (and got confirmation on) and to share what I've learned. If you are looking to buy a house for the first time ever (or if your first deal was a bad one), please take heed but be sure to go get your own answers.

Here are some of my thoughts on this:

1 - Get someone like you to represent you. I told you who our RE is and it was just part of the deal, as far as I am concerned. She had her own people that she deals with as well so that took away a lot of choices initially.

2 - Know it's ALMOST never too late. When you sign your bid, ask about the contract. Will this be turned into a contract, or will there be one later to sign? That contract should give you the drop dead date for securing whatever you need so if you go. Mine got changed last night from Dec. 15th to "on or before Dec. 25th" but the broker is determined to stick to the 15th. At this point, we just have to keep going but I still have to get clarification as to whether or not we can call this quits if we don't like the loan that comes our way, or at least if we can put it off another few weeks to try another company. Frankly, I'm praying this woman gets it right, despite my leeriness of her because we all want to be done but we want it to be done right.

3 - Go to a first-time homebuyer's class if you can. I've learned a lot of things over the years and over the past few weeks. I know who to ask but if I could have done this, I would just to see what else I should know. It doesn't hurt to have the knowledge. You can't ask the right questions if you don't know what to ask and as my experience can tell you, not everyone will volunteer the information for whatever reasons of their own.

4 - Get an attorney as early as possible. If your RE or banker is handling it, cool, but make sure one is in their somewhere. You need someone neutral.

5 - Inspection/Appraisal/et al. You may be footing these bills and it's highly unlikely you will get this money back if you don't go through with the deal so make sure you really want this. As I told you before the inspection guy has proven to be the most helpful of all. If you live in CT and need a referral, I'll pass his name to you. I loved him. Speaking of bills, I mentioned finding your own insurance earlier? Well, that's something you not only have to do before closing but you pay for the whole year's worth of insurance beforehand as well, at closing. Be prepared.

6 - Shop around. Get that banker or broker to tell you upfront what kind of deal they are working out. Shop that around. You have to be honest with yourself, however. If your credit isn't the greatest, don't expect an awesome deal. Know your credit score so you can know what to expect. Down the road you can always refinance but you'll have to keep on top of your credit until that point because you still will need the best score you can get to get the best rate. And speaking of credit...

7 - Don't pull it too often. According to a financial expert I know, you have 2 weeks to shop around for bug ticket items like a car or mortgage. That means they can pull like crazy in that time and not have it affect your score. But after that, if they pull it you run the risk of getting hit in the credit score. Now, if you are using a broker (and I still don't think it's the best way to go but you do what you must), the possibility exists that they will pull your score to preapprove you. There is also the chance that the company they will deal with may do the same. Stay on top of them. Be sure you know your score prior to all this and be sure you are continuing to pay things as normal so you can know where to look if things go awry.

8 - Don't get emotional. Buying and selling a house is emotional stuff, no doubt about it. Buyers have to have a poker face and sellers need to grow some steel around their hearts. I am blessed to have smart friends and truly supportive family. I turn to them to help me think things through and not to let myself be ruled by emotions because I know I am an emotional person but I am OK with that. When things get tense, you need a cooler head. Someone neutral, like that lawyer. But if not the lawyer, then someone who will be HONEST with you about what they see and if they have real experience to add to the mix, then all the better. Just like the seller in this case who was allegedly insulted by my saying the carpets would have to go, you can lose out if you aren't careful. You have to keep your eyes on the prize but at the same time you can't be a doormat. If you're a go-along-to-get-along kind of person, you may have a hard time here so be honest about who you are (at least to yourself) and make sure someone tough is with you.

9 - Where's the proof? In case you didn't know, eventually you may have to prove you have the money. In the bank or somewhere that has your name on it. If you are expecting help, get it secured beforehand and stick it in the bank so it looks like you've had it awhile. Don't ask me. It just seems to be the way it is.

10 - Keep family out. I said it before and I stick by this. Try not to let your uncle the real estate agent do this job for you. Not unless you REALLY work well together. I know it's possible some relationships can handle this but why risk it? Unless you know for sure Aunt Mitzy the lawyer is going to do the job and not treat you differently or even worse because you are family, then take the chance if you care to. But I just think if you can skip them, do.

This is all I've got for you for now but if I think of anything else, I'll let you know.

The Waiting Game

Well, we had the house inspected today. The inspector was there way ahead of time and the last person to show - though only 1 minute late - was the seller's real estate agent. The man explained what he would be doing and told me it would take a couple of hours. He gave me a pad and pencil, "in case you want to write anything down."

This was to be the first time we saw the house sans children, mine or hers (the other RE agent) and I was thrilled with that. It's enough wrangling my two without her kid added to the mix - for the third time. Just because I'm a mom does not mean I want your child around while we're trying to think about a major purchase like this, thank you very much.

Of course, the seller's agent said she absolutely had to leave by 2:30. I was already peeved with her and now she may be cutting my expensive time short on top of it? She'd better pray we don't find anything wrong or that we can't finish. I was going to be too through. But the inspector was professional to the end. His name was Ken. I'd tell you his company but I don't have the paperwork in front of me at the moment. But I am highly recommending them because of this guy. He explained what he was doing and why. He recommended fixes and most times the things he said she be fixed were minor. He was awesome. I felt comfortable about what he was saying and how he did his job, despite the rush placed on him and all that crazy chatter the REs were doing.

Too much chatter. Can everybody PLEASE be quiet? I'm a talker and I don't mind chatting up folk but take it somewhere else right now. It's just bugging me.

If you've never bought a house and you're going to do so soon, the cost of the appraisal plus the inspection was $620. If something happens and we can't get this house, I'm pretty sure I lose my money and if we don't get this house due to the big hurdle I have yet to explain here, I will blame ALLLLL the people who kept saying, "Oh it's no problem! It's no problem!" You know they won't be itching to give me that money back though, right? Hmm. I wonder if I can sue in a case like that. It wouldn't be for the money but the principle.

So, now it's a waiting game. The house is in great shape and the things we'd like to do to it are really minimal so we can just enjoy doing what we want to it appearance wise IF we get it.

It's been nice to go there and start thinking of it as home but one must be careful with the emotions until the deal is done. I've got a lot of annoying peopl mucking up the works too but at least I met one very nice appraiser and inspector. Let me know if you need a recommendation. They were great. They are 2 of the few in this little game who get MY seal of approval.